Every line from The Office season 5, episode 23, in script order. First aired April 23, 2009.
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Michael
Hi, Jerry. Michael Scott. Well, this is slightly embarrassing. Um, I'm going to have to... ask you to pay me a little bit more money for that delivery we dropped off yesterday. Yeah. We did. We got the check, but we're just going to need a much, much bigger check.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29706
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Pam
When a child gets behind the wheel of a car and runs into a tree, You don't blame the child. He didn't know any better. You blame the 30-year-old woman who got in the passenger seat and said, 'Drive, kid. I trust you.'
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29707
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Jim
Now, would corporate approve a temporary price reduction for returning customers?
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29708
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Charles Miner
God, no.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29709
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Dwight
Stupid. Yeah, makes us look weak.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29710
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Charles Miner
I agree.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29711
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Dwight
I say we fill Michael's office with bees. My apiarist owes me a favor.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29712
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Jim
Really? Does he do good work or--
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29713
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Dwight
No, Jim. I use a bad apiarist.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29714
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David
Fellas, why don't we take a five-minute break and then we will come back, start fresh, sort this out.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29715
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Dwight
Five minutes exactly.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29716
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Charles Miner
Okay. Hey, Dwight. Can I talk to you?
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29717
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Dwight
Sure thing.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29718
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Charles Miner
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29719
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Jim
Hey. I saw you called.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29720
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Jim
You're just out of business?
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29721
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Pam
We have maybe a month. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29722
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Jim
Oh, yeah, well don't worry about it. We'll figure it out. We'll be okay.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29723
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Pam
That's what Michael said.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29724
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Jim
Oh, yeah. Only this time we will be okay. Oh, that's my new 'Dwight' ring.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29725
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Pam
I like it.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29726
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Jim
Good, right? Hello.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29727
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Dwight
Idiot, we're starting back up. This is Dwight, by the way.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29728
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Jim
Oh, okay. Don't worry about it.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29729
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Michael
Did I ever tell you about the day that Steve Martin died?
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29730
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Pam
Steve Martin's not dead, Michael.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29731
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Michael
I know. But I always thought that the day that he died would be the worst day of my life. I was wrong. It's this.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29732
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Pam
You want to hear something sad?
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29733
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Michael
I would love that.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29734
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Pam
So Jim and I are getting married and the wedding's really expensive. So I tried to get a job on the weekends to earn extra money. I applied to Old Navy, Target and Wal-mart. None of 'em called me back. Not even for an interview.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29735
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Ryan
I never went to Thailand.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29736
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Pam
Really?
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29737
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Ryan
I went to Fort Lauderdale.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29738
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Michael
Was it nice?
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29739
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Ryan
Yeah, it was amazing. There was a great Pad Thai place, though.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29740
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Michael
I love Pad Thai.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29741
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Ryan
You've never had Pad Thai.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29742
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Michael
No. There's a lot I haven't done.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29743
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Jim
Now, this is the projection over three months?
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29744
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Charles Miner
We still have the inventory sitting--
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29745
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Dwight
Let me float something out there, okay? Can I just say-- can I say something?
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29746
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David
Yeah, yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29747
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Dwight
There is a hive of bees outside the front door. We kidnap the queen, extract her alarm pheromones, place them on a flushable wipe, put that in his bathroom.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29748
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David
I can't believe I'm about to say this, but the cheapest option... is to make Michael an offer.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29749
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Charles Miner
Yes. Yes, I was gonna say the same thing. We should buy him out.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29750
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Jim
Oh, but you didn't.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29751
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Dwight
Oh, Man! If only Michael had children. That's how you really apply the pressure.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29752
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Charles Miner
What is wrong with you?
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29753
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David
Jim, you're-- you're pretty close with him. You think they'd be up for hearing an offer?
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29754
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Jim
Oh, I don't know. You know, they've taken a good deal of clients, so--
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29755
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David
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29756
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Jim
I mean I guess-- I guess I could go down there and try to nudge them in the right direction.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29757
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Dwight
You know what? Why don't I do it, okay? Michael adores me. I'm the man for this job. Charles, you got my back on this?
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29758
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Charles Miner
No, Jim... I think you should go.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29759
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Jim
Okay, so I'll be back in, um-- back in a bit.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29760
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Michael
Hmm?
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29761
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Jim
Hey, can I talk to you guys for a second?
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29762
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Michael
We're not hiring, Jim.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29763
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Jim
Actually here for something else.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29764
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Michael
Listen, I can't make you laugh right now.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29765
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Jim
You know I love a good guessing game, but why don't I just tell you what I'm here for? Turns out you guys have made a pretty big dent in the Dunder Mifflin sales.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29766
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Ryan
Oh, that's nice.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29767
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Jim
David Wallace has asked me to come down here and see if you would be interested in Dunder Mifflin buying you out.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29768
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Pam
Seriously? Are you being serious?
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29769
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Ryan
He's bluffing, Pam.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29770
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Michael
Jim, what you don't understand is that this company's worthl--
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29771
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Jim
Oh!
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29772
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Michael
No-- We don't have--
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29773
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Jim
Oh! See I'm here to learn as little information as possible. All I really need to hear is if your incredibly successful company would be receptive to a buyout.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29774
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Michael
Uh... Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29775
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Pam
Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29776
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Ryan
Maybe.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29777
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Jim
Three yeses. I will see you titans of industry upstairs.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29778
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Michael
Yes, well, we're not only tight-ends, we are also quarterbacks.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29779
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Jim
Missed the last part.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29780
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Michael
That's a pun.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29781
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Jim
Got it.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29782
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Michael
Yep. Oh... wow.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29783
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Ryan
Okay, so you are not going to reveal in any way that we're broke.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29784
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Michael
Of course not.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29785
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Ryan
That we're having any problem at all.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29786
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Michael
Nope, nope, nope.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29787
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Pam
Just to reiterate, none of us is going to say anything that might indicate that we are going broke.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29788
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Michael
Right, right. There is no way in hell that I am going to say that we're broke.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29789
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Michael
Oh, I'm really worried that I'm going to say it.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29790
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Pam
No, Michael.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29791
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Michael
Ah...
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29792
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Ryan
No, man. You're-- you're fine.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29793
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Pam
We have to come from a position of strength.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29794
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Michael
I'm good, I'm good.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29795
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Ryan
Just put it out of your mind.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29796
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Michael
It is. I'm good.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29797
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Michael
Hello.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29798
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Erin
Hi.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29799
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Michael
Michael Scott Paper Company to see Mr. David Wallace. I believe we're expected. Well, well, well. How the turntables...
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29800
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David
Michael, in order to expedite these negotiations, we are prepared to make you a very generous offer.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29801
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Michael
And we are prepared to reject that offer.
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29802
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Ryan
Michael, you haven't even heard--
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29803
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Michael
Never accept their first offer. What is your second offer?
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29804
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David
$12,000.00
Season 5 · Episode 23 · Line 29805