Every line from The Office season 5, episode 18, in script order. First aired March 19, 2009.
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Charles Miner
It is official. It is official. And actually, guys, I'm encouraging branches to consider a freeze on discretionary spending.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28279
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Michael
Such as salary, benefits, etc, etc. Insurance.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28280
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Charles Miner
No, no, not salaries. Petty cash, supplies, and uh, you know, parties.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28281
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Michael
Well-
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28282
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Dwight
What about your party?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28283
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Michael
Ok, ok, you know what? I think this has been great. I think this gives us a lot to think about, doesn't it? Charles Miner, ladies and gentlemen. He has a long trip home. Thank you for coming in. We have to get back to work.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28284
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Charles Miner
Michael, I'm going to stay for the day.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28285
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Michael
Oh no, no, no. You don't have to do that. I've got this covered. This was just a meet-and-greet.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28286
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Charles Miner
No, it's a little bit more than that. I'm going to set up in here, ok?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28287
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Michael
I am thrilled that the new boss has taken such an active interest in all of the responsibilities that I'm supposed to have. Thrilled.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28288
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Michael
David, it was my understanding that I was not going to be managed.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28289
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David
What gave you that idea?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28290
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Michael
It was my understanding.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28291
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David
I see.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28292
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Michael
Listen, why don't we just leave that position vacant? Truth be told, I think I thrive under a lack of accountability.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28293
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David
Look, Michael, Charles is very qualified. Get to know him. I really think the two of you are going to make a great team.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28294
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Michael
But the branch is still mine?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28295
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David
You're still the branch manager, yes, and if you need anything else at all, just let Charles know.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28296
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Dwight
Ask him about the party.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28297
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Michael
Oh, right. David, are you coming to my fifteenth anniversary party?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28298
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David
I'll give it my best shot, Michael.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28299
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Dwight
No the other thing.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28300
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Michael
Oh, ok. If we hire Cirque de Soleil as salaried employees, will that help us with year-end tax stuff?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28301
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Dwight
He hung up?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28302
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David
No.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28303
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Michael
I just got off the horn with David Wallace, and he said that you and I should try to get to know each other better. And I agree, so what I would like you to do is tell me something that you've never told anybody before.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28304
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Charles Miner
No.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28305
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Michael
Come on. What's your wife's name? Where did you work before you came here?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28306
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Charles Miner
Saticoy Steel.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28307
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Michael
Beautiful. See, African-Americans have such a rich history of unusual names.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28308
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Charles Miner
No, I worked at a company called Saticoy Steel.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28309
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Michael
You're not from paper?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28310
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Charles Miner
No.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28311
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Michael
Does David know this?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28312
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Charles Miner
Yeah, he knows. He just wants a good manager.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28313
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Michael
Well that, actually, is an excellent segue into really what is my only point-
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28314
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Charles Miner
And what is that?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28315
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Michael
And that- I-I don't need to be managed, Charles. And if you want pick up some tips, observing here, and take them to the other branches, it's all good. But Jan would mostly come by when she was super horny, and Ryan would come by to visit his parents and do laundry, so... Are we clear?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28316
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Charles Miner
That's not how I plan on doing things.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28317
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Michael
Ok, alright, well I'll just bounce that off David, see what comes back.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28318
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Charles Miner
I'll tell David what he needs to know. Sorry. David wants it this way.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28319
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Michael
Whatever David wants.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28320
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Charles Miner
Ok.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28321
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Michael
Michael Scott calling for David. Well, just tell him to call me ASAP as possible. Thanks.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28322
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Dwight
Oh, Michael, come on, no. You have to charm 'em.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28323
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Stephanie
David Wallace's office.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28324
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Dwight
Hey there, gorgeous. How you doing today?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28325
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Stephanie
Good. Thank you.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28326
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Dwight
How's it hanging?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28327
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Stephanie
Alright. . .
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28328
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Dwight
Good. Listen, my name is, uh, Michael... Scotch. And, uh, I just wanted to say that, uh, I've got David Wallace's son in the trunk of my car. If he doesn't get on this phone in 5 seconds-
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28329
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Michael
No! You idiot! Idiot, idiot, idiot! What are you doing? God! Oh my god.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28330
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Stephanie
David Wallace's office.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28331
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Michael
Hi Stephanie, it's Michael Scott again. I just spoke with Michael Scotch and the son's going to be returned, everything's fine.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28332
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Stephanie
Michael...
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28333
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Michael
And I really really need to talk to David.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28334
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Stephanie
Please hold.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28335
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Charles Miner
Charles Miner. Hello? Hello, who is this? Who is this?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28336
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Michael
I was never given a name.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28337
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Pam
Uh, hi, can I help you? I don't think anyone here-
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28338
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Charles Miner
Oh, uh, Pam? Hey everyone, lunch is on me today.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28339
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Angela
That is so unnecessary!
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28340
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Michael
Are you kidding me with this? On the day that I bring in breakfast?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28341
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Charles Miner
It's no big deal.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28342
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Michael
I wish you had told us sooner, because I was going to go to the vending machine and get an egg salad.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28343
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Charles Miner
You still have that option.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28344
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Angela
Thanks again, Charles.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28345
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Kelly
Thank you.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28346
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Michael
Nobody thanked me.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28347
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Jim
Thanks, Charles.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28348
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Michael
For breakfast. Except Charles. You say no more parties, and then you spend all of this money on lunch, I think it's a little hypercritical.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28349
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Charles Miner
I do this for every branch I go to. If you do not like it, then I think there are some bagels left over from this morning.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28350
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Michael
Damn it, Stephanie, put me through to him. Is that him in the background? David? David! David, pick up the phone!
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28351
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Kelly
Should I seduce him?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28352
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Angela
No. No one wants to see that.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28353
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Kevin
Michael?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28354
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Michael
Yep.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28355
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Kevin
I just realized that I used the 2008 calendar to do the spreadsheets for January and February. I may need to come in this weekend to fix it.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28356
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Michael
Do some overtime? You want to do some overtime this weekend? You know what, Kevin, I applaud your initiative. Yes. You may.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28357
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Charles Miner
Uh, no, sorry, Michael. No, Kevin, right? We're going to need you to do that during office hours.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28358
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Kevin
Ok.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28359
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Charles Miner
Ok.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28360
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Michael
Kevin? This is my branch. You don't ask Charles. You ask me. I say, approved.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28361
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Charles Miner
That's not the way it's gonna work.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28362
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Michael
Yes it is!
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28363
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Charles Miner
No, it is not.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28364
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Michael
No, it is not.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28365
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Charles Miner
Ok, so we're on the same page, great.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28366
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Michael
Ok, so we're on the same page, great.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28367
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Charles Miner
Ok, Michael, what are you doing?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28368
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Michael
Ok, Michael, what are you doing?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28369
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Charles Miner
No, seriously.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28370
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Michael
No, seriously.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28371
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Charles Miner
How old are you?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28372
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Michael
How old are you?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28373
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Pam
Oh no.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28374
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Pam
I can tell Michael's mood by which comedy routine he chooses to do, the more infantile, the more upset he is. And he just skipped the Ace Ventura talking butt thing. He never skips it. This is bad.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28375
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Charles Miner
Five years old?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28376
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Michael
Five years old?
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28377
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Andy
Duuudes, stop.
Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28378