Every line from The Office season 5, episode 17, in script order. First aired March 12, 2009.
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Dwight
We discussed the fact that I'm cooped up here instead of experiencing the whole wide world.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28068
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Michael
Right.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28069
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Dwight
No plowing my own acres. Going around shirtless all day. You know experiencing freedom.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28070
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Michael
That's it. That's it. You can't put a price on freedom.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28071
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Dwight
Try me.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28072
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Michael
That's why you made the decision. That's why you made...
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28073
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Dwight
I haven't made a decision yet.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28074
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Michael
You kind of have.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28075
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Dwight
No.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28076
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Michael
Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28077
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Jim
You cannot take the fall for him.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28078
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Dwight
He said he would do the same for me.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28079
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Jim
He can do the same for you. Right now. By getting fired instead of you. So what are you gonna do?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28080
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Dwight
I'm gonna go back to work. After I write you up for insubordination.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28081
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Jim
There it is.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28082
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Michael
Oh my God. Dwight! Dwight! Get in--- what's it gonna be, what are you gonna do? What's it gonna be? Are you gonna do this thing for me? Dwight? Hey David, how are you? Good to see you. Nice surprise. Dwight and I were just having a very unfortunate conversation.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28083
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David
That's too bad.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28084
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Michael
Yes it is, but it had to be done, didn't it?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28085
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David
Hopefully, nothing that can't be undone because Dwight I owe you an apology. The head of Blue Cross just called. They were so excited about the golden ticket discount that they have decided to make Dunder Mifflin their exclusive provider of all office supplies. Congratulations Dwight.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28086
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Dwight
David... you're welcome.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28087
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David
I just want to say that this golden ticket idea is one of the most brilliant signs of initiative I have ever seen at this company and how about a big round of applause for Mr. Dwight Schrute?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28088
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David
Alright Dwight. This is huge.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28089
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Dwight
That's what she said!
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28090
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Michael
Hey, Dwight, great idea. Dwight, Dwight, great idea. How'd you come up with that idea?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28091
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Dwight
Inspiration.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28092
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Michael
Really? How did-- how are you inspired? How did it pop into your head Dwight?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28093
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Dwight
You never know when it's gonna strike. Just... boom.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28094
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Michael
Give me the details of how that happened.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28095
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Jim
You, you are taking about Dwight Schrute. The biggest Wonka fan I know. I mean, you've been talking about that movie for years.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28096
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Michael
What?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28097
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Jim
And you know what? I even made fun of you when you dressed up as Willy Wonka to pitch this idea and for that I apologize.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28098
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Dwight
Apology rejected.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28099
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Pam
Thanks for much for helping the company, Dwight.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28100
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Dwight
Oh Pam.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28101
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Creed
Good work, kid.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28102
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Dwight
Thanks old man.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28103
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David
This, this is great. OH, OK, look I want to get you on the horn with the marketing people in New York. The should meet you.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28104
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Dwight
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28105
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David
Pam, could you set up a call in there in about 15 minutes, please?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28106
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Pam
Sure.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28107
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Michael
David? David?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28108
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Dwight
'Cause I've got this idea...
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28109
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Michael
David?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28110
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David
Yeah?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28111
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Michael
Could I be a part of the meeting also?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28112
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David
You probably have too much to do around here. I don't want to uh, take up your time with another meeting.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28113
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Jim
Yeah, let's face it. This meeting sounds like it's Wonka fans only. He's never seen the movie.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28114
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Dwight
Alright.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28115
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David
Hey guys, I have with me Dwight Schrute. Dwight, take it away.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28116
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Dwight
OK guys, listen up. Here's the deal. I love candy. Sweet sugary candy from the second it touches my tongue to the moment it's metabolized by my stomach acids, so naturally I liked Willy Wonka.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28117
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Man on Phone
Wait, do you guys hear that? There's not a dog listening in, is there? I hear panting.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28118
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David
No. No dogs.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28119
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Dwight
So I love Willy Wonka. That golden ticket scene is so inspiring to me that that's where I cam up with that idea.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28120
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Michael
There is no movie called Willy Wonka. It's called Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28121
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Pam
It's actually based on a book called Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28122
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Dwight
Pam...
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28123
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Michael
I can't... vouch for that. But I do know this. He is a liar. He has taken my idea.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28124
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Dwight
That is my idea.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28125
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David
We are gonna call you back guys. What is going on here?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28126
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Michael
OK, here's what happened, David. It was all my idea. You called me and you were really angry at me and I got scared, so I had Dwight take the fall, but now, it turns out that it's a great idea and Dwight will not confess. Can you believe that?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28127
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David
No, no.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28128
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Dwight
It is my idea.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28129
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Michael
Oh how dare you.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28130
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Dwight
It is my idea. I'm filled with good ideas. Thousands of good ideas.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28131
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Michael
You are? Good ideas, huh? Hey, did you come up with toilet buddy? It's a net, circular net, that you put inside the toilet to catch all of your change and your wallet from falling into the toilet? Formally known as toilet guard?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28132
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Dwight
Horse Boat.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28133
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Michael
Oh please.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28134
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Dwight
A canoe built around your horse so you can go from riding to water travel without slowing down. Horse Boat!
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28135
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Michael
Toilet sponge. It's a hollowed out sponge...
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28136
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Dwight
Oh give me a break.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28137
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Michael
...that is more absorbent, and softer than toilet paper. I have a lot of toilet ideas.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28138
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Dwight
That's because they're easy!
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28139
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Michael
They're not easy. Everybody has to go to the bathroom.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28140
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Dwight
Women's urinals... uh...
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28141
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David
Guys, guys. OK, enough. Please, enough. What, is this true, Dwight? I mean, is this true?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28142
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Dwight
Yes, it's Michael's idea that he forced on me on threat of death.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28143
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Michael
Thank You!
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28144
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David
What, I don't -- what do you want me to do now, Michael? What am I supposed to do now?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28145
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Michael
Well David, I will be honest with you. I do want the credit without any of the blame.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28146
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David
OK, uhh... I am going back to New York. Pam, do me a favor, don't send me those notes.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28147
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Pam
OK.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28148
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David
I am gone.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28149
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Michael
When they look back on this day in the history books all that will be remembered is that I had a good idea. And that's what I am going to write down in my diary. That is what I want you to write down in yours.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28150
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Dwight
Oh I am. In my own words.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28151
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Michael
I want to see it.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28152
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Dwight
No.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28153
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Michael
I want to see it.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28154
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Dwight
No, Michael.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28155
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Michael
Give me... Give me the diary.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28156
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Dwight
No!
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28157
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Lynn
Hi.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28158
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Kevin
Lynn, I'm just gonna say to you everything that I am thinking.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28159
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Lynn
OK.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28160
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Kevin
I think you have the best smile. I'd like to take you out to dinner and a movie.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28161
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Lynn
OK.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28162
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Kevin
Nice. Boobs.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28163
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Andy
Well, it's uh, his funeral. So... neh!
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28164
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Dwight
Ding dong.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28165
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Jim
Who is it?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28166
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Dwight
KGB.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 28167