Every line from The Office season 5, episode 17, in script order. First aired March 12, 2009.
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Pam
Yeah, that's no problem.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27868
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Michael
Pam?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27869
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Pam
Sure. Uh huh.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27870
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Michael
Pam? Knock, knock.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27871
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Pam
I'm on the phone.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27872
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Michael
I know you are. Knock, knock.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27873
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Pam
You can fax it over. Yeah, 5-7-0-5-5-5-0-1--
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27874
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Michael
4-9-1-7-4-5-1
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27875
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Pam
0-1-7-5. Thank you. Bye, bye. It really makes us look unprofessional.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27876
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Michael
They would never know it was me doing it. Here we go, Knock, knock.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27877
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Pam
Who's there?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27878
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Michael
Buddha.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27879
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Pam
Buddha who?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27880
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Michael
Buddha this bread for me, won't you?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27881
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Pam
Great.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27882
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Michael
I, I need something to wipe my hand.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27883
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Pam
Now there's, there's butter on my desk.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27884
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Michael
That was helping. It was classic.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27885
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Dwight
I got a knock-knock joke.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27886
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Michael
No... God.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27887
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Dwight
OK, Michael, please, please, please, please, please let me.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27888
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Michael
Alright.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27889
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Dwight
Knock, knock.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27890
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Michael
Who's there?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27891
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Dwight
KGB.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27892
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Michael
KGB -
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27893
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Dwight
We will ask the questions!
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27894
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Michael
What the hell was that?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27895
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Dwight
What are you doing?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27896
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Michael
What are you doing?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27897
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Dwight
Hey! Hey! Stop it! Stop it!
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27898
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Michael
You, you like that?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27899
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Dwight
C'mon. What are you doing? Mine was a part of my hilarious joke.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27900
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Michael
Mine was retribution. What are you doing? No more knock-knock jokes. That's it.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27901
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Jim
Ding Dong.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27902
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Michael
Who's there?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27903
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Jim
KGB.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27904
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Michael
Dwight, get the door.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27905
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Dwight
I'm not answering it.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27906
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Michael
Answer the door.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27907
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Jim
Ding dong.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27908
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Dwight
No way, it's the KGB.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27909
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Jim
Ding dong.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27910
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Dwight
I'm not answering that. You answer it.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27911
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Michael
I'm not gonna answer it
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27912
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Dwight
I'm not gonna answer it, it's the KGB.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27913
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Jim
The KGB will wait for no one!
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27914
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Dwight
It's true.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27915
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Pam
Good morning, Michael.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27916
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Michael
Oh, no, no, no, no. I am not Michael. I am Willy Wonkaaaaa.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27917
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Pam
Good morning, Mr. Wonka, here are your messages.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27918
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Michael
Why thank you very much. Oh, what are those? What are those? Tell me, please!
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27919
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Pam
Jelly beans.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27920
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Michael
No, no, no. They are not just ordinary jelly beans little girl. These are extraordinary jelly beans!
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27921
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Michael
The Willy Wonka Golden Ticket promotional idea is probably the best idea I have ever had. It's probably the best idea anybody has ever had. Three days ago, I slipped five pieces of gold paper into random paper shipments. This entitles the customer to ten percent off of their total order. It will be a day for them that is full of whimsy, and full of excitement and full of fantasy.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27922
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Michael
I've written these things because it is my responsibility, as manager of this branch, to profiligate great ideas and I think I have done my part with the golden ticket promotion. Now it is your turn. I want to hear some great ideas from you that are just as good as mine. Umm hmm.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27923
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Jim
We own our own delivery trucks. We could lease them out on the weekends --
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27924
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Michael
Too many words. Good ideas are simple. 'Golden ticket.'
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27925
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Jim
Free paper.'
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27926
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Michael
No. Jim. We're a business. Post-its. That is a golden ticket idea. NASA took five or six golden ticket ideas to get man on the moon.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27927
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Andy
Golden Girls. That's a golden ticket idea, right, I mean how great was that show? Golden Grahams. Another, is it -- I don't get this...
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27928
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Michael
No, you don't. No, it - What will be the state of this company if I am the only one coming up with the great ideas? Right?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27929
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Kevin
I think I should call her.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27930
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Andy
No! No! No!
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27931
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Kevin
Why is it so bad for me to call and ask her to lunch today?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27932
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Andy
You're making it too easy for her. You're just conveying, 'Oh I like you just the way you are.'
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27933
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Kevin
But I do like her just the way she is.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27934
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Andy
Well that's not what we agreed on.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27935
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Jim
What are you doing?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27936
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Andy
Huh?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27937
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Jim
Why don't you just go out on a date with her? Try to spark up an on going joke and then in a month or two, if it feels right, you'll know.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27938
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Andy
No.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27939
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Pam
You don't have to wait that long. I mean, you don't have to wait a month to ask her out. Just ask her out.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27940
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Andy
You're asking him to give up all of his power.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27941
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Jim
What power?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27942
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Kevin
Andy, Pam, and Jim are all telling me how to deal with this girl that I like, Lynn. I, I don't like getting advice from more than one person at a time. I'm a textbook over-thinker.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27943
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Andy
You can't let a girl feel good about herself. It will backfire on you. Every compliment has to be backhanded. 'Oh I like your dress, but I'd like it more if you had prettier hair.'
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27944
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Pam
That's psychotic. Do guys actually do that?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27945
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Jim
Well guys with girlfriends don't.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27946
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Andy
That's low, Tuna.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27947
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Jim
Hey, Tom. What's that? Oh, you found a golden ticket. One of my clients found a golden ticket. Yup. No, congratulations.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27948
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Michael
Woo hoo.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27949
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Jim
I'll take that down right now.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27950
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Michael
Tell me; was it a spoiled little girl with big lips...
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27951
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Jim
I'm on the phone.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27952
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Michael
...or an odd little boy with a cowboy obsession?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27953
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Jim
Hold on one second.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27954
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Michael
Invite them on the tour.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27955
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Jim
It's actually Blue Cross from Pennsylvania.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27956
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Michael
Really? That's kind of a big client. Hey, Oscar. Woo hoo hoo. Um, how much of a hit is ten percent of our Blue Cross account?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27957
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Oscar
Ten percent?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27958
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Michael
Yeah?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27959
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Oscar
They're our largest client.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27960
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27961
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Oscar
It's gonna hurt.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27962
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Jim
Hold on one sec. Hold on one sec, Tom, what's that? You found five golden tickets? And does it say limit one per customer? Nope, it doesn't.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27963
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Jim
How do you not spread out the tickets into different shipments?
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27964
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Michael
I thought I did. So...
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27965
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Jim
OK...
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27966
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Michael
Well no harm no foul.
Season 5 · Episode 17 · Line 27967