Every line from The Office season 5, episode 12, in script order. First aired January 22, 2009.
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Michael
You know, I will be honest with you... about something. Where we used to live, our paper supplier had a lot of big clients and I just didn't feel like a priority. So I guess my question for you would be how many clients do you have?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26499
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Prince Grandfather
About 80.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26500
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Michael
Really? That many? This doesn't seem like a very big operation.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26501
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Prince Grandfather
It's just me, my wife and my son.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26502
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Michael
Ah, so when did you set up shop?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26503
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Prince Grandfather
I opened this place after I came back from Vietnam.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26504
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Michael
Oh Vietnam, I hear it's lovely .
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26505
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Prince Grandfather
Mmhmm.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26506
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Andy
Each side will have three minutes to prepare opening arguments. Topic: Hillary Swank is attractive.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26507
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Entire office
Hot!
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26508
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Kevin
The debate is whether she is hot.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26509
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Stanley
What difference does it make? Attractive, beautiful, hot, we're talking about the same thing here.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26510
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Kevin
Huge difference. A painting can be beautiful, but I don't want to bang a painting.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26511
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Andy
Okay, TMI.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26512
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Michael
So, even specialty paper, say 94 brightness double-bonded, you would put that on the same truck as your conventional stock?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26513
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Prince Grandfather
You sure know a lot about paper for a lawyer.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26514
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Michael
Well that is... because... I am a genius.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26515
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Prince Grandfather
Oh really?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26516
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Michael
Yes, well about some things, and other things I am very stupid. Like, watch this. Is this the cup? Is this the cup? Is this what I drink out of? Laughter is my job, tears are my game, law is my profession.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26517
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Dwight
Hello, I would like to apply for a job.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26518
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Prince Grandfather
Hi, I'm afraid we're not hiring right now.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26519
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Dwight
Why don't you just get rid of this guy?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26520
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Prince Grandfather
That's my son.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26521
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Dwight
I'm your son now; you can visit him on holidays. Dwight Schrute, I'm a paper salesman at a second tier paper company called Dunder Mifflin. I'm the top salesman there and I'm looking for a new challenge. I would say you guys have what, 40 high full volume clients?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26522
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Michael
Try 80.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26523
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Dwight
Pshaw, that's nothing. I've 90 clients myself. You had better look out, someone might run you out of business.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26524
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Prince Grandfather
I sure hope not.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26525
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Dwight
Me too.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26526
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Jim
I think all of us have a tendency to view celebrities as sort of mythical figures, you know? We don't really see them as real so therefore we don't judge them as real people.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26527
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Kevin
Are you serious? Jim, just show us a picture.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26528
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Oscar
Kevin, c'mon.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26529
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Kelly
Yeah, shut up Kevin.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26530
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Kevin
He's making all these fancy, uh, it's a gut thing.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26531
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Jim
Kevin, you know what, why don't you close your eyes? Imagine that Hilary Swank comes into this office for real and she walks over to you and says Kevin Malone, I just read your online profile and there is nothing I would rather do then make out with you right now. And now you tell me something, is she hot? Does that end the debate?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26532
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Kevin
No, it's is she hot, not would you do her. Respect the game.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26533
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Angela
Oh my God.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26534
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Jim
This close.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26535
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Prince
Grandfather: So why are you considering leaving Dunder Mifflin?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26536
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Dwight
My boss, his insensitivity might border on cruel. This is a man who does not listen to the needs his underlings.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26537
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Michael
Hey, hey, how is your interview going?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26538
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Dwight
It's going very well.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26539
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Michael
Don't blow it. Hey Linda, can I get a picture of you?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26540
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Linda
You want a picture of me?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26541
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Michael
I would, could you just stand over here? That would be great Just a little something to remember the trip by. A little to your left
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26542
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Linda
Can I get a copy of that?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26543
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Prince Granddaughter
Grandma, I can't do this.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26544
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Michael
What's going on? Little homework over here? Lets see if I can help. Huh, math, that's not so hard. Ok. There are 4 of these, ignore the parenthesis, right?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26545
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Prince Granddaughter
Right.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26546
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Michael
Why is this little 2 so small? It's, it's weird, you don't, you just go by the x. The x means times. 4 times x 2. What is double 4?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26547
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Prince Granddaughter
8
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26548
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Michael
Excellent! Way to go! Nice!
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26549
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Prince Grandmother
Don't put that.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26550
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Kevin
Ladies and gentlemen, even though the penis was fake, I was expecting a second plot twist where we found out Hilary Swank was a boy.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26551
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Pam
Kevin!
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26552
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Angela
Ok, I wasn't going to dignify this discussion by getting involved, but I don't even get the discussion, hot is a temperature people. But Kevin deserves to lose for what he said, so, yes, she's hot, she's hot as heck, she's a female Boris Becker.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26553
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Jim
OH!
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26554
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Michael
Oh, well thank you very much for all of your help. It's going to be an incredibly hard decision.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26555
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Prince Grandfather
Wait; let me get something for you. Here is some, some references. Here is a list of references, our top clients. You call any of them; I trust you will hear some good things.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26556
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Michael
I... Okay, okay, okay, alright, thank you.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26557
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Dwight
Excuse me sir, I took the bus here and was wondering if I could catch a ride home with you in your car.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26558
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Michael
Of course. Thank you very much. Thanks for your time.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26559
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Dwight
Thank you very much.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26560
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Michael
I cannot wait to contact your clients.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26561
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Dwight
Thank you for your time I look forward to getting your calls.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26562
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Prince Grandfather
Bye bye now. So long.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26563
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Dwight and Michael
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26564
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Michael
Haha, we struck the mother load!
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26565
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Dwight
Cmon.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26566
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Michael
Wallace is going to freak.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26567
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Dwight
All their top clients I can't believe it.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26568
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Michael
He's going to absolutely freak.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26569
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Dwight
Someone's looking out the window. Go go, Peel out, go.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26570
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Michael
Oh shoot.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26571
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Dwight
You drove over that. Go back
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26572
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Michael
Oh God, what was that?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26573
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Dwight
That's not good.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26574
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Kelly
No, no, no no. Shes hot, okay? Because if you are saying Hillary Swank isn't hot, then you are saying that I am not hot. Because obviously I am not as hot as Hillary Swank!
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26575
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Dwight
Oh my God.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26576
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Michael
Aw, it's alright.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26577
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Dwight
Oh man,
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26578
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Michael
Aw, my car.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26579
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Dwight
Not good.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26580
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Prince Grandfather
Is everyone okay?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26581
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Prince Grandmother
It sounded bad.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26582
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Dwight
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26583
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Michael
No no, we are fine. You have done enough already.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26584
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Dwight
You've done more then you can possibly know.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26585
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Michael
Just, shut up. You know we are just going to call a tow truck, so...
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26586
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Prince Grandfather
A tow truck is going to charge you one hundred bucks to take you a mile. Let me take a look.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26587
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Michael
No, no, really not necessary.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26588
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Dwight
He drove over the divider and then backed over it and caused the..
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26589
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Prince Grandfather
I'll be right back I'm just going to grab my tool box.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26590
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Pam
Ladies, are we prepared to let the Kevins of the world decide anything for us? Anything at all? We don't even give him full internet access.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26591
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Kevin
Wait, what?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26592
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Oscar
See that, the obvious symmetry of the face? That's a natural appeal of the scientific standard of coin aphelia, features that are a composite average of many features. Yes, she is attractive, but is not hot.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26593
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Dwight
How much longer is this going to take?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26594
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Michael
You know let me give you some money for this.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26595
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Prince Son
No, I work at a desk all day, its nice working with my hands.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26596
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Michael
Oh coffee, that's too much.
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26597
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Dwight
This is disgusting, what is it this, instant?
Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26598