Every quote from The Office season 5, episode 11, in script order. First aired January 15, 2009.
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Pam
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. I'm sorry, he's not in yet. Would you like his voicemail?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26108
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Michael
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, okay! Twelve miles an hour. Eat that, Carl Lewis!
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26109
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Pam
Angela made several 911 calls about cars going too fast in front of the building, so the police put up a radar gun. It's actually caused a bit of a traffic hazard.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26110
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Dwight
Aah!
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26111
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Phyllis
Wow, thirteen!
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26112
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Dwight
Yes!
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26113
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Michael
No. No, no. There was wind.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26114
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Dwight
I was just jogging.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26115
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Michael
Dwight, there was wind. I want a do-over.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26116
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Jim
No, no, no, it's not your turn. All right, thirteen is the new number. Oscar, go ahead.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26117
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Michael
I want another try. Here we go! Thirty-one! Thirty-one!
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26118
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Stanley
There was a car.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26119
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Michael
I was ahead of the car. Thirty-one is my new number.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26120
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Oscar
Thirty-one is humanly impossible.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26121
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Michael
Go, Oscar. Thirty-one's my number.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26122
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Oscar
That's impossible.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26123
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Michael
Beat it!
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26124
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Michael
Today's a big day. My presence has been requested by Chief Financial Officer, David Wallace. He says that he wants to talk about big picture stuff. And, I'll be honest, I have little or no idea what that means, so... probably bad.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26125
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Pam
Quick announcement: new year, new candy.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26126
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Kevin
Whoo-hoo!
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26127
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Pam
Okay, be careful, Kevin. They're kind of spicy.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26128
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Kevin
Hot tamales.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26129
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Pam
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26130
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Kevin
Uh oh.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26131
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Pam
So, maybe just try one at first, and then if it's okay, have a couple more...
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26132
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Andy
Excuse me, everyone, can I have the floor please? Um, this is insanely awkward. It's kind of the elephant in the room, so I'll just... No one has RSVP'ed to our wedding yet, and the deadline was yesterday.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26133
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Michael
Wait, you still don't know...
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26134
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Jim
No, no. Nope.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26135
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Andy
Hmm?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26136
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Jim
Nothing.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26137
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Michael
You still don't know.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26138
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Jim
Why don't... Let's...
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26139
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Michael
What are you doing?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26140
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Jim
How about we just... Just have to talk to you for a second...
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26141
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Michael
Andy.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26142
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Jim
Ahh!
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26143
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Andy
No, no one has RSVP'ed, and I don't understand it, and now, you're shutting me out. You're not even listening. That's really considerate. Thank you.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26144
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Michael
No, what I'm saying is...
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26145
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Jim
No, no.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26146
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Michael
No, that's not it.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26147
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Jim
I know.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26148
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Jim
Andy still doesn't know that Angela's having an affair with Dwight. And it's been seventeen days. I mean, eventually he'll figure it out, when their kids have giant heads and beet-stained teeth. But right now it's just... awkward.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26149
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Michael
How can he still not know?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26150
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Jim
We can't figure that out.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26151
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Michael
I can't take it anymore.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26152
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Dwight
Wait, what? You can't take what?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26153
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Michael
I am telling Andy.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26154
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Dwight
No. You can't do that. It shouldn't come from you.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26155
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Michael
Who should it come from, then?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26156
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Everyone
Angela.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26157
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Michael
Are you still having intercourse with her?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26158
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Oscar
What is wrong with you? She is engaged.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26159
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Michael
Did you ever have intercourse in this office?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26160
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Oscar
Are you serious? Ugh. Where? Where? Where, Dwight?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26161
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Dwight
Seems like you already know where.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26162
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Angela
Kevin, you screwed this form up again. The amount owed goes at the top.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26163
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Kevin
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was doing something wrong. If I had, I would've admitted it, and stopped right away.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26164
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Angela
That's enough.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26165
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Kevin
Because I wouldn't want an innocent person, who doesn't know anything about the form... What?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26166
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Oscar
That was good... It's just, at the end you weren't saying something that could also apply to the form.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26167
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Kevin
How about, 'I'm sorry I did such a whorish job filling out this form?'
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26168
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Oscar
There you go.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26169
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Andy
That cannot be true! You're going to charge me a fee to cut my own cake? Uh, no. No, no, no. What I'm saying is, I want to cut it myself...
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26170
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Dwight
Trade seats with me.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26171
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Jim
No.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26172
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Dwight
I've got a better angle on Pam. I can see everything.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26173
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Jim
Please stop.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26174
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Dwight
I need a soup spoon.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26175
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Dwight
Rule 17: don't turn your back on bears, men you have wronged, or the dominant turkey during mating season. There are forty rules all Schrute boys must learn before the age of five. Learn your rules. You better learn your rules. If you don't, you'll be eaten in your sleep.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26176
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Dwight
[moves his bobblehead from one side of his nameplate to the other and clears his throat to get Angela's attention]
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26177
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Angela
What is it?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26178
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Dwight
You've got to tell Andy about us.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26179
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Angela
That is a terrible idea. One of your worst.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26180
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Dwight
Get it over with. Then we don't have to hide anymore.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26181
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Angela
You're expanding on your worst idea.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26182
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Dwight
Do you love me or not?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26183
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Angela
I've already admitted that I do. Why do you keep making me repeat it?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26184
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Dwight
Because you're engaged to Andy.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26185
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Angela
[sighs]
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26186
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Michael
Well?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26187
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Dwight
Not yet.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26188
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Jim
When?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26189
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Andy
When what? When what?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26190
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Michael
You know this can't go on.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26191
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Andy
What can't go on?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26192
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Michael
We have to put an end to this.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26193
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Andy
Seems like...
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26194
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Michael
Come on.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26195
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Andy
You guys should... be hearing what I'm saying.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26196
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Jim
This is really not how this is supposed to happen.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26197
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Dwight
Angela said she was going to tell him. She's just not ready.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26198
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Michael
When will she be ready?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26199
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Dwight
I don't know.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26200
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Michael
Is she crazy in bed?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26201
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Dwight
Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26202
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Jim
Stop. What?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26203
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Michael
How so, specifically?
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26204
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Jim
Okay, listen.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26205
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Dwight
Eager.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26206
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Jim
This shouldn't happen at work.
Season 5 · Episode 11 · Quote 26207