Michael

Six years and two months.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20268

Lester

And you were directly under her the entire time?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20269

Michael

That's what she said.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20270

Lester

Excuse me?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20271

Michael

That's what she said.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20272

Lester

Ms. Levinson told you she was your direct superior?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20273

Michael

Uh, wh-why would she say that?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20274

Jan

Can we just move on to another question?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20275

Diane

No wait, I don't understand. Who's on record on saying this?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20276

Lester

With all due respect, I'm in the middle of a line of questioning. Now Mr. Scott, what did you say Ms. Levinson said? Regarding your employment status with respect to her corporate position.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20277

Michael

Come again? That's what she said? I don't know what you're talking about.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20278

Jan

Okay, if I may, he was just telling a joke before, so can we move on to another question?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20279

Lester

Oh, are you sure?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20280

Jan

Uh, yes.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20281

Lester

Can you go back to where this digression began?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20282

Deposition Reporter

Mr. Schneider: And you were directly under her the entire time? Mr. Scott: That's what she said.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20283

Michael

Well, delivery is all wrong. She's butchering it.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20284

Kelly

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20285

Lester

Did Ms. Levinson ever say why she thought she was being fired?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20286

Michael

She thought it had to do with the twins. That's what I call them.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20287

Lester

Can you be more specific? Who are the twins?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20288

Michael

Um, to be delicate, they hang off milady's chest. They... make milk.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20289

Lester

You don't need to go any further. Her breasts.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20290

Michael

Yes.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20291

Lester

She thought it had something to do with her recent breast enhancement surgery?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20292

Michael

Yes, and frankly, the timing was nothing short of predominant.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20293

Lester

What about your romantic relationship with Ms. Levinson? Could that have played a part in her termination?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20294

Michael

Well, if it did, then the company is breaking its own rules.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20295

Lester

Interesting. How so?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20296

Michael

Because before we started dating, we disclosed our relationship to HR. And I have the proof right here.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20297

Diane

Okay, the company has just a few clarifying questions, Mr. Scott, if that's okay with you?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20298

Michael

I will allow it.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20299

Diane

Um would you mind please just, uh, taking a quick look at, uh, this photograph please.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20300

Michael

Uh...

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20301

Diane

That is you and Ms. Levinson in Jamaica, is that correct?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20302

Michael

Uh-huh.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20303

Diane

And that photograph was taken more than two months prior to this start of your relationship. Does that sound right? Mr. Scott, the timeline here is actually very important. Please, when did your relationship actually begin?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20304

Michael

Ugh. Well, de-depends on how you define 'begin'. I mean, if it was from the first time we shook hands, that's like six years ago. If it's from the first time we kissed, that's like two years ago.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20305

Diane

Wait, excuse me?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20306

Michael

If it was the first time we kissed sober, it was like four months after that.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20307

Lester

Could we take a short break?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20308

Diane

No, uh, are you telling me that your relationship began two years ago and not in February as you previously testified to here?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20309

Michael

Line.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20310

Diane

I'm sorry, what?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20311

Man

He asked for a line, like in a play.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20312

Deposition Reporter

'Mr. Scott, do you realize you just contradicted yourself?' 'I did?' 'Yes you did.' 'Can I go to the bathroom?' 'No.' 'I really have to, I've been drinking lots of water.' 'You went five minutes ago.' 'That wasn't to go to the bathroom, that was to get out of a question.' 'You still have to answer it.' 'First can I go to the bathroom?' 'No.'

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20313

Jim

Good game Meredith.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20314

Meredith

Don't patronize me.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20315

Dwight

All right! What is going on here?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20316

Jim

Dwight! Thank God you're here. As it turns out, one of our biggest clients is a ping pong master, and I have to play him tomorrow, or we lose the account. Can you help me out? Will you help me practice?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20317

Jim

What the hell?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20318

Dwight

I told you.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20319

Dwight

All of my heroes are table tennis players. Zoran Primorac, Jan-Ove Waldner, Wang Tao, J'rg Ro'kopf, and of course Ashraf Helmi. I even have a life size poster of Hugo Hoyama on my wall. And the first time I left Pennsylvania was to go the hall of fame induction ceremony of Andrzej Grubba.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20320

Michael

Jan and I had an off again, on again relationship for two years. And I know this destroys her case, and I am sorry, but I throw myself at the mercy of the deposition.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20321

Diane Kelly

Thank you, Mr. Scott. That's all we needed to know.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20322

Lester

Wait, we'd like to enter to the record a page from Michael Scott's personal journal.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20323

Michael

Whoa whoa whoa whoa! What are you doing with my diary?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20324

Lester

This is plaintiff's exhibit 107. I quote from an entry dated Janruary 4 of this past year. 'Just got back from Jamaica. Tan almost everywhere. Jan almost everywhere. Hehe. Oh diary, what a week. I had sex with my boss. I don't know if it's going to go anywhere. Jan was very specific that this is not going anywhere, that it was a one time mistake. But we had sex six times so you tell me. I am definitely feeling very eerie.'

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20325

Michael

Irie.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20326

Lester

Irie, sorry. 'More tomorrow. xoxo, Michael.' It would appear, that neither you nor Ms. Levinson considered you had a relationship in any sense of the word. Is that correct?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20327

Diane Kelly

We're gonna need to see a copy of that entire journal before we proceed.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20328

Michael

I don't think anyone in this room has the right to read my diary.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20329

Diane Kelly

It's basic discovery. We have the right to review it.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20330

Man

OK, let's make ten copies of this diary.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20331

Toby

Um, can you make it eleven?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20332

Man

Eleven, sure. And we'll break for lunch, so everyone can have a look.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20333

Michael

Can I sit here?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20334

Toby

...You know, I, uh, I know a little about what you're going through in a way. Um, when I was a kid, my parents got divorced. They both wanted custody, and they both asked me to testify against the other one in court. So, I don't know, I didn't want them getting divorced in the first place you know? I loved them both so much. I just wanted...

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20335

Michael

How can you give up my diary like that?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20336

Jan

I had to, I'm sorry but I need to win this. We need to win this.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20337

Michael

How'd you even find it?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20338

Jan

You keep it under my side of the mattress.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20339

Michael

I don't like lump. I'm really upset about this.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20340

Jan

Alright, I stole your diary and gave it to my lawyer. You emailed a topless photo of me to everyone in our company. Let's call it even.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20341

Michael

Fine. I love you.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20342

Jan

I love you too.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20343

Diane Kelly

Mr. Scott, who is this other woman, Ryan? Who you refer to her as 'Just as hot as Jan, but in a different way.'

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20344

Michael

Not a woman, just a cool, great looking, best friend.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20345

Lester

Aren't we trying to determine whether Michael or Jan were engaged in a romantic affair? Not Michael and this Ryan person.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20346

Toby

Excuse me.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20347

Michael

Alright, alright. This is the way I see it. Yes, I had sex with Jan, and yes, I did consider Jan to be my girlfriend. However, Jan clearly didn't consider me to be her boyfriend. So her actions are completely rightful.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20348

Diane Kelly

OK Mr. Scott, it's, it's admirable the way you defend a woman who is so obviously ambivalent about her relationship with you.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20349

Michael

Thank you very much. You didn't have to say that.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20350

Diane Kelly

Considering she consistently gave you such poor performance reviews.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20351

Michael

That was before our relationship. She was going through a divorce, and she was drinking a lot... ...of water.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20352

Diane Kelly

Mr. Scott, this is a copy of a particularly negative performance review. Would you mind, uh, reading the date on that please?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20353

Michael

March 17th.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20354

Diane Kelly

And that would be a month after your relationship became official, is that correct?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20355

Michael

Yes.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20356

Diane Kelly

You may read the, uh, highlighted portion out loud if you'd like to.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20357

Michael

'I am out of carrots. I am out of sticks. Mr. Scott has time and again proven himself to be an unmanageable employee, and a poor branch manager. I recommend he be removed from that position and re-assigned to sales where he belongs.'

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20358

Diane Kelly

Mr. Scott, after hearing that wouldn't you say Ms. Levinson's judgment is, at least, very seriously flawed?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20359

Michael

[stares at Diane, eyes tearing up]

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20360

Diane Kelly

Mr. Scott?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20361

Pam

How's it going?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20362

Dwight

Well, he has gone from completely hopeless to simply miserable.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20363

Jim

Check this out though, spin serve. Well, it works like 80% of the time, so...

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20364

Pam

Nice. So, should I reschedule the rematch with Darryl now?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20365

Jim

I think I'm ready.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20366

Pam

I'll make the call.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20367

"The Deposition" Quotes (page 2)