Michael

Six years and two months.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20268

Lester

And you were directly under her the entire time?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20269

Michael

That's what she said.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20270

Lester

Excuse me?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20271

Michael

That's what she said.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20272

Lester

Ms. Levinson told you she was your direct superior?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20273

Michael

Uh, wh-why would she say that?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20274

Jan

Can we just move on to another question?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20275

Diane

No wait, I don't understand. Who's on record on saying this?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20276

Lester

With all due respect, I'm in the middle of a line of questioning. Now Mr. Scott, what did you say Ms. Levinson said? Regarding your employment status with respect to her corporate position.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20277

Michael

Come again? That's what she said? I don't know what you're talking about.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20278

Jan

Okay, if I may, he was just telling a joke before, so can we move on to another question?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20279

Lester

Oh, are you sure?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20280

Jan

Uh, yes.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20281

Lester

Can you go back to where this digression began?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20282

Deposition Reporter

Mr. Schneider: And you were directly under her the entire time? Mr. Scott: That's what she said.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20283

Michael

Well, delivery is all wrong. She's butchering it.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20284

Kelly

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20285

Lester

Did Ms. Levinson ever say why she thought she was being fired?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20286

Michael

She thought it had to do with the twins. That's what I call them.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20287

Lester

Can you be more specific? Who are the twins?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20288

Michael

Um, to be delicate, they hang off milady's chest. They... make milk.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20289

Lester

You don't need to go any further. Her breasts.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20290

Michael

Yes.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20291

Lester

She thought it had something to do with her recent breast enhancement surgery?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20292

Michael

Yes, and frankly, the timing was nothing short of predominant.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20293

Lester

What about your romantic relationship with Ms. Levinson? Could that have played a part in her termination?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20294

Michael

Well, if it did, then the company is breaking its own rules.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20295

Lester

Interesting. How so?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20296

Michael

Because before we started dating, we disclosed our relationship to HR. And I have the proof right here.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20297

Diane

Okay, the company has just a few clarifying questions, Mr. Scott, if that's okay with you?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20298

Michael

I will allow it.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20299

Diane

Um would you mind please just, uh, taking a quick look at, uh, this photograph please.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20300

Michael

Uh...

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20301

Diane

That is you and Ms. Levinson in Jamaica, is that correct?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20302

Michael

Uh-huh.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20303

Diane

And that photograph was taken more than two months prior to this start of your relationship. Does that sound right? Mr. Scott, the timeline here is actually very important. Please, when did your relationship actually begin?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20304

Michael

Ugh. Well, de-depends on how you define 'begin'. I mean, if it was from the first time we shook hands, that's like six years ago. If it's from the first time we kissed, that's like two years ago.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20305

Diane

Wait, excuse me?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20306

Michael

If it was the first time we kissed sober, it was like four months after that.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20307

Lester

Could we take a short break?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20308

Diane

No, uh, are you telling me that your relationship began two years ago and not in February as you previously testified to here?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20309

Michael

Line.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20310

Diane

I'm sorry, what?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20311

Man

He asked for a line, like in a play.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20312

Deposition Reporter

'Mr. Scott, do you realize you just contradicted yourself?' 'I did?' 'Yes you did.' 'Can I go to the bathroom?' 'No.' 'I really have to, I've been drinking lots of water.' 'You went five minutes ago.' 'That wasn't to go to the bathroom, that was to get out of a question.' 'You still have to answer it.' 'First can I go to the bathroom?' 'No.'

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20313

Jim

Good game Meredith.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20314

Meredith

Don't patronize me.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20315

Dwight

All right! What is going on here?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20316

Jim

Dwight! Thank God you're here. As it turns out, one of our biggest clients is a ping pong master, and I have to play him tomorrow, or we lose the account. Can you help me out? Will you help me practice?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20317

Jim

What the hell?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20318

Dwight

I told you.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20319

Dwight

All of my heroes are table tennis players. Zoran Primorac, Jan-Ove Waldner, Wang Tao, J'rg Ro'kopf, and of course Ashraf Helmi. I even have a life size poster of Hugo Hoyama on my wall. And the first time I left Pennsylvania was to go the hall of fame induction ceremony of Andrzej Grubba.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20320

Michael

Jan and I had an off again, on again relationship for two years. And I know this destroys her case, and I am sorry, but I throw myself at the mercy of the deposition.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20321

Diane Kelly

Thank you, Mr. Scott. That's all we needed to know.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20322

Lester

Wait, we'd like to enter to the record a page from Michael Scott's personal journal.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20323

Michael

Whoa whoa whoa whoa! What are you doing with my diary?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20324

Lester

This is plaintiff's exhibit 107. I quote from an entry dated Janruary 4 of this past year. 'Just got back from Jamaica. Tan almost everywhere. Jan almost everywhere. Hehe. Oh diary, what a week. I had sex with my boss. I don't know if it's going to go anywhere. Jan was very specific that this is not going anywhere, that it was a one time mistake. But we had sex six times so you tell me. I am definitely feeling very eerie.'

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20325

Michael

Irie.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20326

Lester

Irie, sorry. 'More tomorrow. xoxo, Michael.' It would appear, that neither you nor Ms. Levinson considered you had a relationship in any sense of the word. Is that correct?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20327

Diane Kelly

We're gonna need to see a copy of that entire journal before we proceed.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20328

Michael

I don't think anyone in this room has the right to read my diary.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20329

Diane Kelly

It's basic discovery. We have the right to review it.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20330

Man

OK, let's make ten copies of this diary.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20331

Toby

Um, can you make it eleven?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20332

Man

Eleven, sure. And we'll break for lunch, so everyone can have a look.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20333

Michael

Can I sit here?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20334

Toby

...You know, I, uh, I know a little about what you're going through in a way. Um, when I was a kid, my parents got divorced. They both wanted custody, and they both asked me to testify against the other one in court. So, I don't know, I didn't want them getting divorced in the first place you know? I loved them both so much. I just wanted...

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20335

Michael

How can you give up my diary like that?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20336

Jan

I had to, I'm sorry but I need to win this. We need to win this.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20337

Michael

How'd you even find it?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20338

Jan

You keep it under my side of the mattress.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20339

Michael

I don't like lump. I'm really upset about this.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20340

Jan

Alright, I stole your diary and gave it to my lawyer. You emailed a topless photo of me to everyone in our company. Let's call it even.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20341

Michael

Fine. I love you.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20342

Jan

I love you too.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20343

Diane Kelly

Mr. Scott, who is this other woman, Ryan? Who you refer to her as 'Just as hot as Jan, but in a different way.'

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20344

Michael

Not a woman, just a cool, great looking, best friend.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20345

Lester

Aren't we trying to determine whether Michael or Jan were engaged in a romantic affair? Not Michael and this Ryan person.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20346

Toby

Excuse me.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20347

Michael

Alright, alright. This is the way I see it. Yes, I had sex with Jan, and yes, I did consider Jan to be my girlfriend. However, Jan clearly didn't consider me to be her boyfriend. So her actions are completely rightful.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20348

Diane Kelly

OK Mr. Scott, it's, it's admirable the way you defend a woman who is so obviously ambivalent about her relationship with you.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20349

Michael

Thank you very much. You didn't have to say that.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20350

Diane Kelly

Considering she consistently gave you such poor performance reviews.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20351

Michael

That was before our relationship. She was going through a divorce, and she was drinking a lot... ...of water.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20352

Diane Kelly

Mr. Scott, this is a copy of a particularly negative performance review. Would you mind, uh, reading the date on that please?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20353

Michael

March 17th.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20354

Diane Kelly

And that would be a month after your relationship became official, is that correct?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20355

Michael

Yes.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20356

Diane Kelly

You may read the, uh, highlighted portion out loud if you'd like to.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20357

Michael

'I am out of carrots. I am out of sticks. Mr. Scott has time and again proven himself to be an unmanageable employee, and a poor branch manager. I recommend he be removed from that position and re-assigned to sales where he belongs.'

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20358

Diane Kelly

Mr. Scott, after hearing that wouldn't you say Ms. Levinson's judgment is, at least, very seriously flawed?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20359

Michael

[stares at Diane, eyes tearing up]

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20360

Diane Kelly

Mr. Scott?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20361

Pam

How's it going?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20362

Dwight

Well, he has gone from completely hopeless to simply miserable.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20363

Jim

Check this out though, spin serve. Well, it works like 80% of the time, so...

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20364

Pam

Nice. So, should I reschedule the rematch with Darryl now?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20365

Jim

I think I'm ready.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20366

Pam

I'll make the call.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20367

"The Deposition" Quotes (page 2)