Every quote from The Office season 4, episode 8, in script order. First aired November 15, 2007.
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Oscar
So the figures show improvement right there, Michael. And again-
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20168
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Michael
I'll call back.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20169
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Kevin
You never call back.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20170
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Pam
Every time Michael's in a meeting, he makes me come in and give him a Post-It note telling him who's on the phone. I did it once, and he freaked out. He loved it so much. The thing is he doesn't get that many calls. So he has me make them up every 10 minutes.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20171
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Michael
Yeah, um, tell him I'll call him back.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20172
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Jan
[laughing]
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20173
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Michael
You can't always work 200 days though.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20174
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Michael
Oh, no, no, no, I don't have time for this. Tell him I'm in a meeting.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20175
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Ryan
You have to know how to work this. There's no excuse for this.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20176
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Michael
Yep.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20177
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Ryan
I can get you a tutor if you need-
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20178
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Michael
Oh. Ah, this is a very important client. But, I have the most important client sitting right in front of me, my boss, so I will call him later.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20179
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Ryan
Oh, no, no, no, customer service is obviously priority one. You can take the call.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20180
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Michael
N-No, money isn't everything Ryan. And you're my friend, and I don't want to be rude.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20181
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Ryan
Take the call, friend.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20182
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Michael
I refuse. My house, my rules, I insist.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20183
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Ryan
I insist you take your work calls.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20184
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Michael
Uh, okay, all right. Pam, would you put the call through? Hi buddy.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20185
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Jan
I don't know, it's just, ugh, I never felt welcomed there, you know? It's such a...boys club.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20186
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Michael
Yeah, I hate that.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20187
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Jan
Good.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20188
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Michael
So, here's the deal. Um, I am on my way to New York to be deposed as part of Jan's wrongful termination law suit. The company fired her for having the courage to augment her boobs.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20189
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Jan
And they displayed a pattern of disrespect and inappropriate behavior.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20190
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Michael
Yes, yes. Pat-tern. Patt-ern. My friend Pat took a turn. That's how I remember that. Could we pull over and put down the top? I'm feeling a little queasy.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20191
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Jan
Um, no, I want it up. My hair.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20192
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Michael
Well-
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20193
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Jan
Remember, it isn't just a pattern, It's a pattern of disrespect, and inappropriate behavior.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20194
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Michael
Disray .My friend Disray got news specs. Disray spect. My friend Inappro drives a Prius with his behind neighbor.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20195
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Jan
Does this work for you?
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20196
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Michael
Yep. Tell them how much you're gonna get if you win.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20197
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Jan
Uh, come on Michael, that's tacky.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20198
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Michael
Million dollars!
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20199
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Jan
Four million.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20200
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Michael
Four million dollars! Man that is a lot of guacamole. A lot of the green. Lot of green. That is why I have memorized Jan's answers, and I have also thrown in some errs, and ahhs, to make it seem like it's not memorized.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20201
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Jan
No, Michael. Oh, come on.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20202
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Michael
Perfect crime.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20203
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Jan
Stop saying ridiculous things. He's just gonna tell the truth, the truth is-is very...you know, complicated, so we went over it carefully, and-and just so we wouldn't leave anything up to chance or Michael's judgment.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20204
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Michael
Could we please pull over and pull down the top, I do not feel good.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20205
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Jan
Michael, I told you, I am not putting the top down.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20206
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Michael
I'm getting car sick! Ugh, I'm gonna puke. I think I'm gonna throw up.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20207
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Jan
All right, fine, just a second. Hold on.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20208
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Michael
Hey, Schneider, real quick. What do you call a butt load of lawyers driving off a cliff?
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20209
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Lester
A good start. And I think it's busload.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20210
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Michael
Yeah, a bunch of rich lawyers took the bus. Where did you find this guy? Hey, there he is.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20211
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Ryan
Hey Michael.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20212
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Michael
Hey hey.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20213
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Ryan
I'm glad you're here. I actually need to talk to you for a second.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20214
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Ryan
Could we talk off the record? As friends?
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20215
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Michael
I would love that.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20216
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Ryan
Jan... has put the company in a very tough position here. Now you've been with us for a long time. Over 10 years, right? We just want to be sure that you won't do anything to hurt us with your testimony. Do you understand?
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20217
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Michael
Abso-fruitley. Yeah. I'll-I'll do anything for the company.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20218
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Ryan
Good. That is great to hear.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20219
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Michael
It is.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20220
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Darryl
Game, son!
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20221
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Jim
All right, let's run it back.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20222
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Pam
The warehouse got a ping pong table last week. Now Jim comes down and plays with Darryl. Sometimes I bring him juice. My boyfriend is 12.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20223
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Kelly
What has two skinny chicken legs and sucks at ping pong?
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20224
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Pam
Hi, Kelly.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20225
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Kelly
Guess whose boyfriend it is?
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20226
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Pam
I don't wanna guess.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20227
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Kelly
I'll give you a hint: It's not my boyfriend. I think it's a guy over here.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20228
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Kelly
I don't talk trash, I talk smack. They're totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical, like: Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet. But smack talk is happening like right now. Like: You're ugly and I know it for a fact so I got the evidence right there.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20229
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Pam
Jim. Can I see you for a second?
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20230
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Jim
Sure.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20231
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Jim
Wow.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20232
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Pam
Okay, it's not regulation size, but it'll do. You have to practice. You have to get real good and beat Darryl.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20233
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Jim
Oh, I can't beat Darryl.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20234
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Pam
Please? Kelly's trash talking me because Darryl is beating you.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20235
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Jim
What, seriously? What is she saying?
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20236
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Kelly
Your boyfriend is so weak, he needs steroids just to watch baseball.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20237
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Kelly
Jim couldn't hit a ping pong ball if it was the size of the moon.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20238
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Kelly
Were Jim's parents first cousins that were also bad at ping pong?
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20239
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Jim
So you're asking me to defend your honor against Kelly?
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20240
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Pam
Sorta, yes.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20241
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Jim
Bring me players.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20242
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Pam
Okay.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20243
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Diane Kelly
Hi everyone, I'm Diane Kelly. I'm the company's chief legal counsel.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20244
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Michael
Hi. No, no, absolutely not. What is he doing here?
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20245
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Diane
Toby?
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20246
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Michael
Are you renewing your divorce vows, before my deposition?
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20247
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Toby
Michael, I'm your HR Rep. I'm on your side.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20248
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Michael
Never. I want him gone. I don't talk until he leaves.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20249
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Jan
Michael, just relax, okay?
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20250
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Diane
You know, I think they're, uh ready for us now. So..
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20251
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Michael
Okay. All right.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20252
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Deposition Reporter
Mr. Scott. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20253
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Michael
Yessh.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20254
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Lester
Mr. Scott, can you describe the circumstances of Ms. Levinson's termination?
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20255
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Michael
Well, it was not just termination. It was a pattern of disrespect and inappropriate behavior.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20256
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Lester
Oh. Very good. Well put.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20257
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Jan
People underestimate Michael. There are plenty of things that he is well above average at. Like ice skating. He is a very good ice skater.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20258
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Pam
Hey, Kevin. Jim needs to see you.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20259
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Kevin
About what?
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20260
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Pam
He needs help balancing some travel receipts.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20261
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Kevin
Are you sure he wants me? Because I have Oscar balance my travel receipts.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20262
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Pam
Yeah, no, he asked for you specifically. He's in the conference room.
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20263
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Kevin
Oh, awesome!
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20264
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Lester
How long have you known the plaintiff?
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20265
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Michael
I haven't actually seen it. But I have seen the firm, and I am planning on renting The Pelican Brief
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20266
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Lester
How long have you known Ms. Levinson?
Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20267