Every line from The Office season 4, episode 7, in script order. First aired November 8, 2007.
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Toby
I'm allergic to mushrooms.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20094
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Jim
That's a bummer. OK, then we need to...Hey everybody. Hi, how you doing? Can I have your attention please? 'Cause we have to talk about this birthday thing.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20095
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Pam
Conference room?
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20096
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Jim
Yes, conference room in five minutes... No. No. We're gonna solve it right here. We're actually gonna talk about it out here. So, who has problems with the birthday thing? One, two, three, everybody. OK, so then we just shouldn't do it.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20097
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Angela
What am I supposed to do with two cakes and a pie?'
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20098
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Kevin
Oh, I'll take 'em.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20099
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Creed
Well nobody's touching my cobbler.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20100
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Phyllis
Hey, Michael. I mean Jim.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20101
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Jim
Yup, Phyllis called me Michael. And I will always and forever be haunted by that fact.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20102
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Michael
Under this tree, I think I struck the mother load. Those are nature's best mushrooms. Wild, and I have to say these little buggers are damn tasty as well.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20103
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Dwight
Stop! No, no Michael! Nooo! Nooo! Nooo! Arghh. Get, get them out.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20104
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Everybody
Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to Creed. Happy Birthday to you.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20105
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Michael
Yeah! Alright, skip around the room. Skip around the room. We want -- OK, alright. Yeah, don't do that. You're gonna break something.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20106
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Michael
Man became civilized for a reason. He decided that he liked to have warmth, and clothing, and television, and hamburgers, and to walk upright, and to have a soft futon at the end of the day. He didn't want to have to struggle to survive. I don't need the woods. I have a nice wood desk. I don't need fresh air, because I have the freshest air around, A.C. And I don't need wide open spaces. Check it out. I can also make it the sky.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20107
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Michael
Hey, buddy.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20108
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Jim
Hey.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20109
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Michael
What up?
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20110
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Jim
Sure glad you're back.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20111
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Michael
You are relieved.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20112
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Jim
You have no idea.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20113
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Michael
So what did I miss?
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20114
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Jim
Well, I tried to put all the birthdays together at once.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20115
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Michael
Oh.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20116
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Jim
So, terrible idea.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20117
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Michael
Yeah, okay, I did that. Rookie mistake.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20118
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Jim
You did do it?
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20119
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Michael
Uh huh. Yeah, just wait. Ten years, you'll figure it out.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20120
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Jim
Well, I don't think I'll be here in ten years.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20121
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Michael
That's what I said. That's what she said.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20122
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Jim
That's what who said?
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20123
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Michael
I never know. I just say it. I say stuff like that, you know, to lighten the tension. When things sort of get hard.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20124
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Jim
That's what she said.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20125
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Michael
Hey! Nice. Really good. Bravo, my young ward.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20126
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Michael
Come in!
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20127
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Pam
Oh, it's Creed's birthday today. Should we get him an ice-cream cake? Mint chocolate chip?
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20128
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Michael
Pam, are you my friend?
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20129
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Pam
Oh, no.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20130
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Michael
We have been friends forever, right?
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20131
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Pam
Yes, I have been working with you forever.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20132
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Michael
Hypothetically... would you go camping with me, if I were to ask you? And bear in mind that I would never actually ask you to go camping. That Jim is also a friend of mine, and I would rather die than make any sort of improper ovation toward you.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20133
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Pam
I don't think so.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20134
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Pam
Here's the thing. When Michael invents a hypothetical situation, he eventually turns it into an actual situation.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20135
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Michael
Do you understand that Jim is like a brother to me, and I would never do anything inappropriate?
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20136
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Pam
I do.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20137
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Michael
So, as friends, would you go with me on a camping trip?
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20138
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Pam
No.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20139
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Michael
Thank you for your honesty.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20140
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Pam
You're welcome. Open or closed?
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20141
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Michael
Split the difference. Hey... mint chocolate chip, please? Is Jim out there?
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20142
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Pam
No.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20143
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Michael
Can you send Dwight in here?
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20144
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Pam
Yeah. Dwight, Michael wants to see you in his office.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20145
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Dwight
You wanted to see me?
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20146
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Michael
Mmhmm. I had something very personal I would like to discuss. Would you go find Jim, and send him in here, please?
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20147
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Dwight
I'm on it.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20148
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Pam
Michael has employed Dwight to track you down.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20149
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Jim
How much time do I have?
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20150
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Dwight
Jim, Michael's office.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20151
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Pam
Couple minutes, give or take.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20152
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Dwight
Now, Jim!
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20153
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Dwight
And this... is a Hassenfass. Case-hardened steel. One side, as sharp as you'd ever want something to be. The other side serrated for maximum damage.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20154
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Michael
Okay.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20155
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Dwight
Look at that. Perfectly balanced. This is a fine precision instrument.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20156
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Michael
All right, Dexter, just give me the knife.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20157
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Dwight
Don't you want a sheath for that?
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20158
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Michael
No, just get me a case. All right.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20159
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Dwight
Anything else? Flint...
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20160
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Michael
MmMmm. All I need...
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20161
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Dwight
Parka...
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20162
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Michael
No, Dwight!
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20163
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Dwight
Tent, rainfly, gorp...
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20164
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Michael
I'm telling you, all I will need are my instincts and my will to survive.
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20165
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Dwight
Mmmnnnnmmm...
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20166
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Michael
What is this called again?
Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20167