Every line from The Office season 4, episode 5, in script order. First aired October 25, 2007.
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Phyllis
Sue Grafton is at the Steamtown Mall. She's doing a book signing right now.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19401
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Michael
Okay, okay, Phyllis this is what I want you to do. I want you to go down to the mall. I want you to get in line. I want you to get her to be in this commercial. This would be a huge coupe people. All right? Do not take no for an answer.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19402
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Phyllis
Okay.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19403
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Andy
Does anyone actually know what Sue Grafton looks like? I mean, is she hot or-?
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19404
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Creed
She's crazy hot.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19405
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Andy
Well then maybe we should just use Angela and say she's Sue Grafton. Would anyone notice?
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19406
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Angela
That's not happening.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19407
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Angela
I find the mystery genre disgusting. I hate being titillated.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19408
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Phyllis
Bye everyone.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19409
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Michael
Line it up Phyllis.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19410
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Creed
Get her Phyll.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19411
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Darryl
Out of paper, out of stock, there's friendly faces around the block, break loose from the chains that are causing your pain.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19412
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Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly, Darryl
Call Michael or Stanley, Jim, Dwight or Creed. Call Andy and Kelly for your business paper needs.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19413
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Darryl
Dunder Mifflin.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19414
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Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly
The people person's paper people.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19415
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Darryl
Dunder Mifflin.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19416
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Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly
The people person's paper people.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19417
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Michael
Time out, time out, time out, time out, time out. I thought... I was under the impression that this was going to be a rap.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19418
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Darryl
What's rap?
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19419
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Michael
Okay, Darryl, wow, you need to learn a lot about your own culture. I'll make you a mix.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19420
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Darryl
Great.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19421
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Andy
News flash. I got some juicy updates on Operation Fallen Angel. Remind me to tell you later.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19422
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Jim
Hey.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19423
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Pam
No talk, I'm animating.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19424
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Jim
Why don't we take a quick ten second break from that so I can show you what's going on here. Okay, this is Dwight's Second Life. He's on it all the time. So much so that his little guy here has created his own world. It's called Second Second Life, for those people who want to be removed even further from reality.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19425
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Pam
Are you serious?
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19426
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Jim
Yeah.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19427
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Pam
Oh my God, he's really in pain.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19428
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Jim
[sighs]
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19429
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Pam
Who's that?
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19430
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Jim
Oh, it's just my avatar guy. Whatever.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19431
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Pam
He looks a lot like you. How much time did you spend on that?
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19432
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Jim
Not much, it's just for tracking Dwight so---
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19433
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Pam
Right... you're a sports writer in Philadelphia? Nice build too.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19434
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Jim
Yep.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19435
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Pam
You have a guitar slung on your back. I did not know you played guitar.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19436
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Jim
I... why don't we go back to this animation.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19437
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Pam
No no no, I want to see more of Philly Jim. I want Philly Jim.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19438
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Jim
Ah, show me how this works.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19439
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Pam
Oh boy.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19440
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Darryl
Out of paper, out of stock, there's friendly faces around the block, break loose from the chains that are causing your pain. Call Michael, Stanley, Jim, Dwight or Creed. Call Andy and Kelly for your business paper needs. Call Dunder Mifflin.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19441
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Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly
The people person's paper people.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19442
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Darryl
Dunder Mifflin.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19443
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Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly
The people person's paper people.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19444
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Michael
Stop. Stop stop stop stop stop stop. This is not me. This is not my music.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19445
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Darryl
You're right, it's better than you! It's us! Dunder Mifflin.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19446
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Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly
The people person's paper people.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19447
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Michael
No, I hate it! I hate it! ...I don't hate it, I just don't like it at all. And it's terrible.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19448
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Darryl
You're on your own, Mike.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19449
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Michael
Okay, you know what. Hold on, hold on Darryl.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19450
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Darryl
You just said you hated it.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19451
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Michael
No. I said I hate the, the style.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19452
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Andy
Break me off a piece of that lumber tar. Snickers bar.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19453
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Michael
Okay, wow. Wow, this looks uh, terrible.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19454
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Andy
Break me off a piece of that Grey Poupon.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19455
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Michael
Andy, Andy, this is a pivotal scene in the ad. And if we don't get this, if we don't nail it, we're going to lose the whole triumph of the moment. The triumph of the will. Now, God, what? What Phyllis?
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19456
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Phyllis
Well, I got in line to buy Sue Grafton's book and when it came to my turn I asked if she wanted to be in the ad and she said no thank you, but I wasn't supposed to take no for an answer.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19457
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Michael
That'a girl.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19458
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Phyllis
So I kept on asking and they finally threw me out of the store in front of all my friends.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19459
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Michael
Did you, or did you not get Sue Grafton?
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19460
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Phyllis
No.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19461
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Michael
Ugh, can somebody give her a tissue please?
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19462
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Jim
I hope you're not killing yourself on this, because I'm sure it's good enough for Michael's ad that will probably be seen by no one.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19463
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Pam
Maybe, but it's not good enough for me yet.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19464
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Jim
Okay. Do you want me to stay?
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19465
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Pam
No no, you can go home. I'm good.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19466
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Jim
Pam is staying late tonight to uh, achieve her dreams. So I'm pretty proud of her, unfortunately she was my ride home.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19467
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Meredith
You comin'?
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19468
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Jim
I, ah...
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19469
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Meredith
Piss or get off the pot!
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19470
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Pam
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19471
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Jim
Good morning. Yeah I'm sorry, I looked away for a second and Creed snatched your hash browns.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19472
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Pam
Thank you.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19473
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Jim
You're welcome.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19474
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Pam
I worked until about 2:45 AM. And then I had to decide if I wanted to spend the night with Michael editing in his office, and Dwight watching Michael edit in his office, or drive home and probably fall asleep at the wheel and die in a fiery car wreck. I passed out on my keyboard trying to decide.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19475
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Andy
Let me pour you some bubbly because somebody got to a whole new level last night.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19476
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Dwight
Andy, I can't hear this right now.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19477
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Andy
No, no no no, this is good. You know how we haven't really gotten anywhere that I want to get to physically yet? Well, last night, that changed. We're makin' out, I'm kissin' her neck, and cheek and her ear lobe, and she's not really kissing me back. But she closes her eyes and she's like, 'Oh D, oh D.'
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19478
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Dwight
She called you D?
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19479
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Andy
Yeah. D for Andy.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19480
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Dwight
Oh D.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19481
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Andy
Oh D.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19482
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Dwight
Oh D.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19483
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Andy
Oh D!
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19484
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Both
Ohhhhhh D! Ohhhh D!
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19485
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Michael
I'm about to send the ad to corporate... and it is sent. They'll probably watch it right away. I know I would. Okay.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19486
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Pam
Yes?
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19487
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Michael
Pam, please clear my phone lines.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19488
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Pam
Certainly. Okay, clear.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19489
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Michael
They could call at any second now. Oh God...I better call.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19490
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Michael
Well, it's been tough. The uh, geniuses at corporate rejected my commercial and tonight they are airing the brain dead version. So welcome one and all to the world premiere of Corporate Crapfest!
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19491
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Everyone
Oh!
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19492
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Bartender
Hey it seemed like a big hit.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19493
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Michael
No, it was stupid. People like waving, waving sells. It's not art. Yet we made our ad, the real one was full of humor, and full of depth, and full heart and it was real.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19494
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Jim
Hey, could you do me a favor? Could you put that in the DVD player?
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19495
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Jim
Hey everybody! Just want to welcome you all to the premiere of the real Dunder Mifflin commercial, the Michael Scott director's cut. Hope you like it.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19496
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Michael's Ad
It all starts with an idea. But you can never tell where an idea will end up. Because ideas spread, they change, grow. They connect us with the world. And in a fast moving world, where good news moves at the speed of time, and bad news isn't always what it seems. Because when push comes to shove we all deserve a second chance. To score. Dunder Mifflin. Limitless paper in a paperless world.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19497
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Everyone
[claps and cheer]
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19498
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Jim
Animation? All her by the way.
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19499
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Bartender
Really?
Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19500