Michael

Yeah! Everything! Oh it's all good, it's all good. Phyllis!

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19301

Phyllis

Dancing babies!

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19302

Michael

Dancing babies! I love it! I love it!

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19303

Michael

We are making a commercial for Dunder Mifflin today. Our first ad ever. Corporate purchased some air time in local markets to spread the word about Dunder Mifflin Infinity and they are even sending up a professional ad company to help us make it later so... it's uh, not too shabby.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19304

Andy

Best ad ever. Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that... I am totally blanking. What is the thing?

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19305

Jim

Nobody tell him!

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19306

Andy

What? No, why?

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19307

Jim

You got it, you're so close!

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19308

Andy

Break me off a piece of that... huh huh huh... br- applesauce.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19309

Jim

Break me off a piece of that applesauce, I don't think...

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19310

Andy

Break me off a piece of that Chrysler car.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19311

Jim

Nope.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19312

Andy

Football cream. Grr!

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19313

Michael

Okay, it's football cream. It's football cream. Alright! So, anybody else?

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19314

Pam

I'm taking a computer animation class so I could try to do a logo.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19315

Michael

Look at that. Even the receptionist is getting in on the creativity. Very good, very good.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19316

Michael

Hello hello!

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19317

Ad guy 1

Hey, how ya doin'?

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19318

Michael

Michael Scott.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19319

Ad guy 2

Hey, Michael.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19320

Michael

Regional manager.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19321

Ad guy 2

Hey Michael, nice to meet you

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19322

Michael

Excited to talk ideas.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19323

Ad guy 1

Let's do it, man.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19324

Michael

You know, I want this to be cutting edge. I want it to be fast, quick cuts, you know, youthful, sort of a MTV on crack kind of thing.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19325

Ad guy 1

That sounds great.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19326

Michael

All right, good, well this is what we have to work with.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19327

Michael

I would like you to meet Andrew Bernard. The 'Nard Dog. Who let the 'Nard Dog out?

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19328

Andy

Hoo hoo hoo-hoo!

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19329

Michael

He gives the best back rubs in the office.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19330

Andy

It's true, I give a mean backrub. I also do good aromatherapy. Not! You just got 'Nard dogged!

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19331

Michael

Now this gentleman right here is the key to our urban vibe.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19332

Stanley

Urban? I grew up in a small town. What about me seems urban to you?

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19333

Michael

Stanley is hilarious. Phyllis is like our Mrs. Butterworth. Kind of a less urban Aunt Jemima.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19334

Michael

These are our accountants. And as you can see they are very different sizes. What you might want to do is kind of a Papa Bear, Mama Bear, Baby Bear thing. That might be kind of fun.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19335

Kevin

Mama Bear!

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19336

Michael

Who else?

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19337

Jim

I think it's great that the company's making a commercial because not very many people have heard of us. I mean, when I tell people that I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers, or muffins, or mittens, or... And frankly all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19338

Jim

You playing that game again?

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19339

Dwight

Second Life is not a game. It is a multi-user virtual environment. It doesn't have points or scores, it doesn't have winners or losers.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19340

Jim

Oh it has losers.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19341

Dwight

I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. In my Second Life I was also a paper salesman and I was also named Dwight. Absolutely everything was the same. Except I could fly.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19342

Michael

Little girl in a field holding a flower, we zoom back to find that she's in the desert and the field is an oasis. Zoom back further the desert is a sandbox in the world's largest resort hotel. Zoom back further the hotel is actually the playground for the world's largest prison. But we zoom back further---

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19343

Ad guy 1

Okay I can tell that your time is valuable---

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19344

Michael

Actually I don't get paid by the hour anymore, but thank you, I get paid by the year, so...

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19345

Ad guy 1

That all sounds really, really ambitious.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19346

Michael

Yeah, I know.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19347

Ad guy 1

Why don't we show you what we did with the Nashua branch?

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19348

Michael

Mmm. Okay.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19349

Michael

That's what Nassau came up with? That sucks! Whoa.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19350

Ad guy 1

That's what we came up with.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19351

Michael

Well we can do better than that.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19352

Ad guy 2

Well the main part of the ad has to stay the same, actually.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19353

Ad guy 1

Yeah, it's the last five seconds where we have some leeway.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19354

Michael

The waving?

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19355

Ad guy 1

Well, no, no. You don't have to be waving. That was just what they did. You guys can be clapping. Sitting. Standing outside, inside, whatever. This is where you really get to be creative.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19356

Andy

I need some advice. I've been spending a lot of time making out with Angela lately. But we've been necking, but only necking. Right? Not actually kissing, our mouths, just the neck on neck. It's just like rubbing slash nuzzling our necks together. It's hot, I'm not going to lie to you , but it's a little weird, but you seem like a guy with answers, so how do I fast track this to get to first base?

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19357

Dwight

We cannot talk about this... because, someone might hear us.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19358

Andy

We'll use code names.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19359

Dwight

Angela can stay the same, but we'll change Andy to Dwight.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19360

Andy

That's not different enough.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19361

Dwight

Dwike?

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19362

Receptionist

You have a call from Eddie Murphy.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19363

Ryan

Hello?

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19364

Michael

Shrek! Shrek, I'm a donkey! I'm a donkey, Shrek! I'm just kidding. It's me. Hello Ry.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19365

Ryan

What?

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19366

Michael

Okay, calm down. I have a small problem.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19367

Ryan

I told you not to call about small problems.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19368

Michael

Yeah, well when I call about big problems you don't like that either, so make up you mind, kiddo. Here is the deal, the ad guys that you sent are locking me in a creative box, and sort of ignoring my ideas.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19369

Ryan

That's good. They're creative, you're not.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19370

Michael

I'm creative, Ryan.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19371

Ryan

It's not part of your job, it's like, maybe you can cook but it doesn't mean you should start a restaurant.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19372

Michael

Well actually I can't cook, and I am starting a restaurant. Mike's Cereal Shack. I'm thinking we'll have as many varieties as you can buy in the store.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19373

Ryan

Okay, I'm not really interested in that right now. I'm delegating creativity to creative professionals. It's a different skills set. Look, I wasn't good at sales, right?

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19374

Michael

Yeah!

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19375

Ryan

But I'm good at managing people who do sales .

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19376

Michael

Are you? I don't think you're doing such a good job here, suppressing ideas and creativity.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19377

Michael

All right, let me ask you this, tell me if you think this is creative. When I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn. And this is before I had even heard of one, or seen one. I just drew a picture of a horse that could fly over rainbows, and had a huge spike in its head. And I was five, five years old. Couldn't even talk yet.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19378

Michael

Hey guys, um, you know what, we cannot shoot this ad today.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19379

Ad guy 2

Okay, when should we come back?

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19380

Michael

How about never hundred hours, sir.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19381

Ad guy 2

We were sent here to help out.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19382

Ad guy 1

Okay I'm not going to argue with this guy. Let's go. Good luck dude.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19383

Michael

Hey thanks. Thank you.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19384

David Wallace

Michael, David Wallace. What is this about dismissing the ad people?

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19385

Michael

Yeah, I'm glad you called. Ryan is being a little bitch again.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19386

Ryan

I'm on Michael.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19387

Michael

What's up my brotha? Listen, David, I would like to do this ad in house. I want to use only the creativity that we have right here in the office. And I will send it to you tomorrow morning, take a look at it, and if you do not think that it's ready to air, send the ad agency back down here, and we'll do it on my dime.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19388

David Wallace

This is weird.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19389

Michael

I'm willing to stake my entire reputation on it.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19390

David Wallace

Okay, I'll see it tomorrow.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19391

Michael

Okay. And thus, Michael Scott sealed his own destiny. In a good way.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19392

Michael

Has anyone ever come up to you and said, 'You're not creative'?

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19393

Dwight

Yes.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19394

Michael

Well they're wrong. You are creative. You are damn creative. Each and every one of you. You are so much more creative than all of the other dry, boring morons that you work with.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19395

Jim

Who are you talking to, specifically?

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19396

Kevin

I kind of know what it's like to be in commercials. My nickname in high school used to be Kool-Aid Man.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19397

Oscar

When I was younger I always wanted to be an actor in commercials. Then I realized I had a brain.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19398

Meredith

I'm excited about doing the ad, but I'm not really used to doing videos with so many people around.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19399

Michael

We have three scenes to film, big scenes. We have a song to write. So let's get cracking. Kelly, I want you to do makeup. Oscar, I would like you to do costume design, obviously. Phyllis, I'd like you look around town and see if we have any celebrities in our local area.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19400

"Local Ad" Quotes