Every line from The Office season 3, episode 9, in script order. First aired November 30, 2006.
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Pam
Ohhhh! She's absolutely adorable!
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12036
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Hannah
He.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12037
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Pam
...Oh, sorry. He's--he's dressed all in pink.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12038
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Hannah
That's his favorite color.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12039
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Pam
...Oh. That's... fun for him.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12040
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Stanley
Fantastic.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12041
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Michael
Ohhh, wow. Look at that. How cute.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12042
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Hannah
Thank youuu.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12043
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Michael
Ohh. May I?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12044
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Hannah
Uh, sure!
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12045
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Michael
Hey, look at me, I'm a baby! I'm one of those babies from 'Look Who's Talking.' What am I thinking? Look at all those staplers! What's a stapler!? I don't even know, I'm a baby! Hey, Mom, I'm thirsty! I'm thirsty, Mama! I want some milk. And you know where milk comes from! Breasts.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12046
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Karen
Hey.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12047
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Jim
Hey.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12048
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Karen
...Almost done?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12049
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Jim
Just about... yup. Now.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12050
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Jim
Yes. I have started to see Karen. It's very new, and... not really ready to talk about it openly yet, just because, I think, once the word gets out there, it might affect the way people behave around us or... I dunno. Just, not yet.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12051
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Michael
Yeah, Jan, it um... looks like a check, piece of paper of some sort. Receipt. I don't know.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12052
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Angela
Jan, this is Angela Martin from accounting.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12053
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Jan
Mmhmm.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12054
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Angela
Look, we have a rebate from... the Federal Work Opportunity Program and no one knows what that means.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12055
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Jan
We get that money for hiring an ex-convict.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12056
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Michael
I didn't hire an ex-convict. Unless they mean Toby. Convicted rapist. ... I'm just kidding.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12057
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Jan
When did the check come?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12058
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Angela
Last week.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12059
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Jan
Okay, that's when the branches merged, so Josh must have been taking advantage of this program. Smart move.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12060
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Angela
One of the Stamford people is a criminal?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12061
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Michael
Hey Jan, speaking of Stamford, Hannah brought in her baby.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12062
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Angela
Jan, which one of the new employees is a criminal?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12063
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Jan
Uh, reformed convict, and, uh, I'm not sure. Though hang on, let me email our HR, stay on the line.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12064
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Pam
Who is it?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12065
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Michael
Hannah?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12066
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Kevin
Hmm.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12067
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Angela
Hmm.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12068
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Kevin
Andy.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12069
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Angela
Andy?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12070
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Kevin
Hmm. Martin?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12071
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Michael
Kuhhhh... you are such a racist.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12072
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Kevin
Wait, why am I a racist?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12073
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Michael
Because you think he's black.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12074
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Kevin
He is black... right? And...
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12075
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Michael
Stop it. Stop it right-stop it right now.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12076
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Jan
...Okay it's someone named Martin Nash.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12077
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Kevin
Yeah!
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12078
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Jan
Michael?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12079
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Michael
Why did the convict have to be a black guy? It is such a stereotype. I just wish that Josh had made a more progressive choice. Like a white guy... who went to prison for... polluting a black guy's lake.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12080
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Kevin
I wonder what he did.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12081
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Michael
In our society, a black man can be arrested for almost anything. He was probably at a sporting event and... saw some people pushing each other, and he intervened.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12082
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Pam
Why would anyone go to jail for that?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12083
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Michael
Sssssso, what we need to do... is to forget about this whole Martin in prison thing. People will draw unfair conclusions about Martin and or black people.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12084
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Kevin
Cool.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12085
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Pam
Okay. Angela?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12086
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Angela
Sure. Let's protect the convicts. At the expense of the general feeling of safety in the workplace. As a 90-pound female that sits in an ill-lit, rarely-visited corner of the office, naturally I agree with that.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12087
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Michael
Good. All right.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12088
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Jim
Jim Halpert.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12089
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Andy
I am so horny.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12090
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Jim
...Okay I can't... help you... with that.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12091
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Andy
Oh, I think you can, Big Tuna. Tell me about that Indian chick, Kelly. She seems pretty slutty. Good for a romp in the sack.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12092
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Jim
She is dating Ryan, I think.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12093
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Andy
Oh, and I care why?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12094
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Jim
She's... high-maintenance.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12095
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Andy
Next. How about.... Blondes are more fun. C'mon, trust me on that.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12096
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Jim
Yeah, trust me, that would be fun for no one.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12097
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Andy
Okay fine. Um. Pam, the receptionist. Paaam. Should I go for it?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12098
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Jim
...Absolutely you should.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12099
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Andy
Jackpot.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12100
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Michael
Just... try to be cool.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12101
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Dwight
I am cool.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12102
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Michael
Okay, are you cool, really?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12103
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Dwight
I'm cool, I'm cool, I'm so cool. Tell me what is going on.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12104
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Michael
Um... Martin, from Stamford, was, at one time, in prison. No. Dwight! Be cool! Be cool!
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12105
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Dwight
I am greatly concerned about having a convict in the office. And I do not care if that convict is white, black, Asian, German, or some kind of halfsy. I do not like criminals.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12106
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Andy
All... righty, let's get started. What is she into?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12107
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Jim
I know Pam pretty well. I know the things that she likes, and, just as important, I know the things that she hates. So, one of the things that she likes is pranks. And, the things that she hates...
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12108
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Jim
Frisbee-based competitions...
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12109
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Andy
Are you kidding?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12110
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Jim
She...
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12111
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Andy
I started the main Frisbee golf club at Cornell. Where I went to college. I live to frolf.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12112
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Jim
Lead off with that. She loves hunting. She also loves those ads for Six Flags, with the old guy. Got it. Also... do you speak pig latin?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12113
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Michael
Hey Martin, how's it going?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12114
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Martin
Good. Getting settled, you know?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12115
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Michael
Ah. Good good. Good. Just a second. Everybody? May I have your attention please? I realize that a lot of you have already heard that Martin here has had some trouble with the law, but I just want to declare publicly that I... trust... him, completely, and that anybody who doesn't is an ignorant, dumb... person. Okay? As a matter of fact, you show me a white man you trust and I will show you a black man that I trust even more. Pam. Tell me a white person you trust.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12116
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Pam
My dad.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12117
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Michael
...Danny Glover. Yeah.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12118
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Jim
Jonas Salk.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12119
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Michael
Who?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12120
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Jim
Justin Timberlake?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12121
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Michael
Oh. Please. Colin Powell.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12122
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Karen
Hey I got one.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12123
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Michael
Yup.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12124
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Karen
Jesus.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12125
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Michael
Apollo Creed.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12126
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Michael
Close your eyes. Picture a convict. What's he wearing? Nothing special, baseball cap on backwards, baggy pants... he says something ordinary like... 'yo, thats shizzle.' Okay. Now slowly open your eyes again. Who are you picturing? A black man? Wrong. That was a white woman. Surprised? Well, shame on you.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12127
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Martin
So... you all wanna know what I was in for?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12128
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Michael
No. That's not cool. You don't have to tell them.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12129
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Martin
Um, I really don't mind. It was a stupid mistake. I was working in finance and, I... got involved in some insider trading. So, I spent a little time in the clink.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12130
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Michael
That is awesome.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12131
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Kevin
I had Martin explain to me three times what he got arrested for, because... it sounds an awful lot like what I do here every day.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12132
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Pam
What was prison like?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12133
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Martin
Not terrible. Boring. We do the same thing every day. But... at least we got outdoors time.
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12134
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Kevin
You got outdoors time?
Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12135