Every line from The Office season 3, episode 6, in script order. First aired November 2, 2006.
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Jim
I'm a drunk driver.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11113
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Karen
Yes, you are. Here. Let me take that. Just... uh... get in the car.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11114
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Jim
Man, you can really hold your liquor, Billabelli.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11115
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Karen
Yeah, you can't.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11116
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Jim
No kidding. And I am just going to lie down in the back, if that's all right.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11117
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Karen
Sure. Here's your bag. Just don't puke on anything. You okay?
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11118
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Jim
So good.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11119
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Karen
Good.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11120
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Michael
These are not my shoes. This is just like that show 'Taxi Cab Confessions'.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11121
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Pam
You say one more word; I'm stopping the car.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11122
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Michael
Sorry.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11123
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Michael
This is going out to Indians everywhere. It's a tribute to one of the greats... Mr. Adam Sandler. Diwali is a festival of lights. Let me tell you something. Tonight has been one crazy night. So put on your saris, it's time to celebrate Diwali. Everybody looks so jolly. But it's not Christmas, it's Diwali. The goddess of destruction Kali stopped by to celebrate Diwali. Don't invite any zombies to a celebration of Diwali. Along came Polly to have some fun at Diwali. If you're Indian and you love to party, have a happy, happy, happy, happy Diwali. Happy Diwali!
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11124
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Crowd
[loud clapping, cheering, and whistling]
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11125
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Michael
How do I explain this to Jan?
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11126
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Kelly
Um, well, basically, it's like a really big party, and everybody gets super-dressed up, and there's a bunch of different gods, and each of the gods has a special power, like the Care Bears, you know?
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11127
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Michael
Oh, please, stop talking. Three words or less.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11128
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Kelly
Like, an Indian Halloween?
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11129
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Michael
An Indian Halloween. Okay, great. Pam, could you put Jan on, please?
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11130
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Pam
Michael, you're on with Jan.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11131
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Michael
Hello, Jan.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11132
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Jan
Michael, what is this about you letting everyone leave work early today?
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11133
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Michael
Well, I was letting everybody go to the big Diwali party.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11134
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Jan
What is Diwali?
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11135
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Michael
What is Diwali?
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11136
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Jan
Yes.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11137
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Michael
You don't know what Diwali is? Wow, Jan. I'm surprised. It's the Hindu festival of lights. I just assumed you'd be familiar with it. It's the most sacred and honored Hindu holiday in the world. It's like Christmas, Easter, and Halloween---
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11138
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Jan
Mich---
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11139
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Michael
---rolled into one.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11140
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Jan
Oh.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11141
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Michael
I bet you're not even aware that our own Kelly Kapoor, who works in...
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11142
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Kelly
Um, customer service.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11143
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Michael
... customer service is a Hindu person.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11144
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Jan
Oh.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11145
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Michael
And.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11146
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Jan
Yes, of course, I know Kelly.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11147
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11148
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Jan
I thought she was Muslim.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11149
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Kelly
What? I'm not Muslim!
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11150
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Jan
Well, I think it sounds lovely. I think it sounds like a good idea.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11151
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Michael
You do?
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11152
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Jan
Yes, of course. It's important to celebrate our company's rich diversity. And, and in fact, Michael, if you had planned better, we might have been able to charter a bus to the event---
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11153
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Michael
Oh, I dunno about that.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11154
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Jan
---or, or, or been a sponsor for the party itself.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11155
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Michael
For Kelly, that seems a bit much.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11156
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Jan
Hey, one person is an integral part of the fabric---
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11157
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Michael
[hangs up]
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11158
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Kelly
She's so wonderful.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11159
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Michael
Yeah, you should see her naked.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11160
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Michael
I had promised Carol a romantic evening on the town. Um, I wanted to take her on this spooky hay ride thing, but it was like seventy dollars a person, and she's allergic to hay. So I said, 'Pop a Claritin, and I will spot you the seventy bucks,' and she's like 'I don't like to borrow money or take unnecessary medication.' And I'm like, 'Well you're really not gonna like what I slipped in your drink last night.' And she's like, 'What the hell are you talking about?' And I'm like, 'I'm kidding. I didn't put a roof...' ... We laughed so hard... It was hilarious... oh... So yes, I'm very excited about the Diwali party.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11161
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Kevin
For Diwali 07, you must consider Scrantonicity. For a fraction of the cost of this DJ, you could have the rocking sound stylings of a Police cover band.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11162
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Mrs. Kapoor
No Police cover.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11163
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Kevin
No, okay, well, let me send you a demo, and... Better yet, I'll give Kelly the demo, and she can give it to you. It'll save us both on postage.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11164
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Mr. Kapoor
[nods]
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11165
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Kevin
Excellent.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11166
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Carol
You're the temp!
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11167
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Ryan
Um, yeah. Ryan.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11168
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Carol
Hi, I'm Carol.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11169
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Ryan
Hi, nice to meet you.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11170
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Carol
The wavy brown hair and blue eyes.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11171
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Ryan
Ah.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11172
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Carol
Michael talks about you... a lot.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11173
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Ryan
Yeah.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11174
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Carol
Top of your class at business school, and you live on Shady Hill Road, right?
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11175
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Ryan
Wow, um... Sorry you had to...
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11176
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Dwight
Does Michael talk about
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11177
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Carol
Yes.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11178
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Dwight
He does? What does he say.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11179
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Carol
He says... 'I love him.' He loves you.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11180
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Andy
At Cornell, in my fraternity, my house name was 'Hubble' because I was so good at finding a party. I was like a powerful space telescope, so... Freshman year, when my skin was still really bad, they called me El Guapo.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11181
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Andy
Yeah. Big Tuna, tuna?
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11182
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Jim
Nope, I got eel.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11183
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Andy
[speechless]
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11184
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Karen
Eel... eel.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11185
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Andy
Didn't see that coming.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11186
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Michael
And perhaps the most important person to Indian culture, Sir Ben Kingsley. Because of him, the British left India, and then he became an actor like Ronald Reagan.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11187
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Pam
Michael?
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11188
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Michael
Yeah?
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11189
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Pam
Your shirt is buttoned wrong.
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11190
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Michael
So, any questions?
Season 3 · Episode 6 · Line 11191