"Diwali" Quotes

Name: Diwali
Released: 2006-11-02

Every quote from The Office season 3, episode 6, in script order. First aired November 2, 2006.

279 quotes · page 1 of 3

Kelly

Here you go.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10913
Michael

Nice dress, Ryan.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10914
Kelly

It's not a dress. It's a kurta.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10915
Michael

OK.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10916
Michael

Tonight, one of our most ethnic co-workers, Kelly, has invited us all to a Diwali celebration put on by her community. What is Diwali, you may ask? Well, to have Kelly explain it it's ada blah blah blah, it's so super fun and it's going to be great. Lot of gods with unpronounceable names. Twenty minutes later you find out that is essentially a Hindu Halloween.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10917
Kelly

You look so handsome.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10918
Pam

Really you do. I love the material.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10919
Kelly

I know.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10920
Michael

How come you didn't get me one?

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10921
Kelly

I...

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10922
Phyllis

Ok, so, between Meredith's Mini-van and if I borrow Bob's Yukon that should fit about twelve people.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10923
Pam

I actually might not go. Feeling kind of tired.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10924
Meredith

Do you want to make Appletini's and watch 'Sex and the City' at my place?

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10925
Pam

Oh, I don't know. I haven't decided yet.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10926
Kelly

I don't get why you won't go. Did I do something wrong? I mean, I thought we were really close friends.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10927
Pam

I just feel kind of tired, you know.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10928
Dwight

Maybe you've got mono.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10929
Pam

Maybe. I just ...I don't really have anyone to go with.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10930
Kelly

Well, go with Dwight. He's single, too. Right?

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10931
Dwight

Yeah, totally single. Hundred percent available.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10932
Kevin

Are you guys going to this Indian thing tonight?

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10933
Roy

I don't know. Who's... uh, who's going?

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10934
Kevin

Oooh. Do you mean like, is Pam going?

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10935
Angela

Don't go. They eat monkey brains.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10936
Michael

Hey. Hey. Stop that. That is offensive. Indians do not eat monkey brains. And if they do... sign me up... because I am sure that they are very tasty and nutritional.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10937
Michael

It's important that this company celebrates its diversity. And you know what, Stanley? Come Kwanzaa time, I have got you covered, baby.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10938
Stanley

I don't celebrate Kwanzaa.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10939
Michael

Wha? Really? You should! It's fun.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10940
Michael

I love the people here. And if there was one thing I di... don't really care for is that they can be terribly, terribly ignorant about other cultures. And I don't want them embarrassing me in front of my girlfriend, Carol.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10941
Michael

Diwali is a very important holiday for the Hindus. But, frankly, I'm a little appalled that none of you know very much about Indian culture. So, without further ado, Kelly you are on.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10942
Kelly

Um... Diwali is awesome... and there's food... and there's going to be dancing... and... Oh! I got the raddest outfit. It has, um...

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10943
Michael

Kelly?

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10944
Kelly

Sparkles...

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10945
Michael

Um... why don't you tell us a little bit about the origins of the holiday.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10946
Kelly

Oh, um... I don't know. It's really old, I think.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10947
Angela

How many gods do you have?

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10948
Kelly

Like hundreds, I think. Maybe more than that.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10949
Angela

And that blue busty gal? What's her story?

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10950
Kevin

She looks like Pam from the neck down.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10951
Dwight

Pam wishes. Kelly, I'll take this one. Diwali is a Celebration of the Coronation of the God-King Rama. After his epic battle with Ravana, the Demon King of Lanka. It symbolizes the battle between good and evil...

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10952
Michael

All right, all right, all right, all right. This isn't 'Lord of the Rings'.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10953
Jim

Sorry.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10954
Jim

I started biking into work. Josh does it and he lives a lot farther away than I do. And also it saves gas money, keeps me in shape... helps the environment. And now I know it makes me really sweaty for work.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10955
Karen

Nice basket.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10956
Jim

Thank you.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10957
Michael

Now, a lot of people say that Kelly is one in a million and that's true, but it's also not true. Because, frankly, there are literally billions of people just like Kelly in the world. Here are some famous Indians. Subrahmanyan Chandrasekhar. He is a Nobel prize-winning physicist. Impressive. Apu from the Simpsons. Hilarious. Indian. M. Night Shyamalan. 'The Village', 'Unbreakable', 'Sixth Sense', 'Sig... '

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10958
Dwight

I see dead people.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10959
Michael

Okay. Spoiler... alert.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10960
Dwight

He was dead the whole time.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10961
Michael

Just stop it. What's the... oh, whoa! Where did that come from?

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10962
Tony

Karen, my chips got stuck in the vending machine again. I need your skinny, little arms.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10963
Karen

Oh. Did you shake it?

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10964
Tony

Yeah, I shook it, I shook it.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10965
Andy

We have such a roller coaster thing, Karen and I.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10966
Jim

Scuse me?

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10967
Andy

Roller-coastery friendship. Hot. Cold. On again. Off again. Sexual tension filled type of deal. It's very Sam and Diane.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10968
Jim

Wow.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10969
Andy

From 'Cheers'.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10970
Jim

Yup.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10971
Michael

And another thing about the Indian people... they love sex positions. I present to you the Kama Sutra. I mean look at that. Who's seen that before?

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10972
Creed

I have. That's the 'Union of the Monkey'.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10973
Meredith

Oh, that's what they call it.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10974
Kevin

This is the best meeting we've ever had.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10975
Michael

Thank you, Kevin.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10976
Angela

I find this incredibly offensive.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10977
Michael

Well, I find it beautiful.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10978
Angela

Well, whatever Kelly wants to do in her own house is fine but we shouldn't all be subjected to it.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10979
Michael

No...

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10980
Toby

Actually, she's right. This isn't appropriate. Why don't I take these.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10981
Michael

No, You're not going to collect them.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10982
Toby

Yes.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10983
Michael

No. This is delightful, charming culture.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10984
Michael

My Indian Culture Seminar was going great until Toby decided that he was too immature to deal with culturally explicit images. It's just sex. People... everybody does it. I'm doing it... with Carol! Probably tonight.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10985
Josh

All right. Think you guys should be all set. Oh, here's the corporate card for dinner.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10986
Karen

Thanks.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10987
Josh

And Karen? Let's keep it to twenty dollars a person this time.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10988
Karen

Got it.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10989
Jim

Once a quarter, the sales staff at this branch has to stay late to do order form consolidation... which, amazingly, is even less interesting than it sounds.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10990
Andy

You guys ready to party?

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10991
Jim

What's that?

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10992
Andy

I said are you ready TO PARTY!

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10993
Phyllis

Isn't this fun? Not wearing shoes?

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10994
Angela

I wish some of us still had our shoes on.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10995
Kevin

Stop it. It's a disease! I've told you.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10996
Carol

I thought you said this was a costume party!

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10997
Michael

What does that look like to you?

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10998
Carol

An Indian woman in a sari.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 10999
Michael

No one's even going to notice.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11000
Kevin

Nice outfit.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11001
Michael

Hey, Kevin. It's a costume. Why don't you just cool it, okay? Carol? Carol.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11002
Michael

I'll have one of those as well. Thank you very much. Now these are limes, lemons, onions...

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11003
Angela

I'm a vegetarian. What can I eat?

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11004
Server

It's all vegetarian.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11005
Angela

I'll just have some bread. You used your hands.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11006
Michael

Oh, yuck.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11007
Carol

What? Too spicy?

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11008
Michael

No. These s'mores are disgusting.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11009
Carol

They're not s'mores. They're samosas.

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11010
Michael

Do you think they have any s'mores?

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11011
Michael

All they are is chocolate, graham cracker, and marshmallow. How difficult would that have been?

Season 3 · Episode 6 · Quote 11012