"Initiation" Quotes

Name: Initiation
Released: 2006-10-19

Every line from The Office season 3, episode 5, in script order. First aired October 19, 2006.

312 quotes · page 1 of 4

Dwight

Brain teaser. I have two coins totaling 15 cents and one of them is not a nickel. What are they?

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10601
Ryan

A dime and a nickel.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10602
Dwight

No, I said one of them is not a nickel.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10603
Ryan

But the other one is. I've heard that before.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10604
Dwight

Ok. A man and his son get into a car accident. They are rushed to the hospital. The doctor says, there is no way I can operate on this boy, ...

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10605
Ryan

Because he's my son. The doctor is the boy's mother.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10606
Dwight

A man is found hanging from the ceiling...

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10607
Ryan

He stepped on a block of ice, hung himself, and the ice melted.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10608
Dwight

A hunter.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10609
Ryan

It's a polar bear because you're at the North Pole.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10610
Dwight

Damn it!

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10611
Jan

Tell me what you did yesterday.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10612
Michael

Uhhh... nothing.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10613
Jan

Nothing?

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10614
Michael

Yeah, nothing. How was your day?

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10615
Jan

I don't care how your day was Michael.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10616
Michael

Wow. Well. Ok. I don't care how your day was either, Jan. I was just asking you because you asked me. Why do you set me up like that?

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10617
Jan

Tell me what you did yesterday.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10618
Michael

I worked. And then I went home to my condo. And Carol came over. And then we had sex. Is that what you want to hear?

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10619
Michael

Never ever, ever sleep with your boss. I am so lucky that Jan and I only got to second base.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10620
Jan

Hi, Pam.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10621
Pam

Hi.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10622
Jan

I'm great. So, Pam I would like you to keep a log of everything Michael does hour by hour so we can analyze it at corporate. Ok?

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10623
Pam

Oh, I don't know if I'm...

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10624
Jan

Thanks Pam.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10625
Pam

It's weird. Jan use to treat Michael like he was a ten year old, but lately it's like he's five.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10626
Dwight

So you excited?

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10627
Ryan

Yeah.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10628
Dwight

Very excited?

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10629
Ryan

Yes. I'm very excited.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10630
Dwight

Extremely excited? ... Just very? That's cool.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10631
Ryan

I have spent a year here. I have to commit or get out. Dwight's the top salesman in the company and he's taking me on my first sales call today. And, um, I'm excited.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10632
Dwight

I am very excited. Ryan hasn't made a sale yet, but more importantly, he hasn't made an ally yet. Is he going to be a slacker-loser-wise-ass like Jim was? Or is he going to join the Dwight Army of Champions?

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10633
Ryan

So what if they're not talking much, then does it makes sense to kind of lead the conversation? You know, just 'till it gets to a point where they are asking questions? So where's the sales office?

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10634
Dwight

When you are ready to see the sales office, the sales office will present itself to you. Your journey begins now.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10635
Karen

Hey.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10636
Jim

What?

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10637
Karen

My chair is squeaking.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10638
Jim

Is it?

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10639
Karen

You took my chair.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10640
Jim

No, I didn't. I took back my chair that you took from me, but I didn't take your chair.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10641
Karen

When you get up, I'm just going to take it back anyway, so...

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10642
Jim

So I guess I can't get up.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10643
Michael

Hey Koselli, the Kos. Cosby. Hey hey hey. I love Jello Pudding Pops. My son, Theo, loves Jello Pudding Pops too.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10644
Dwight

Do you know where we are, temp?

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10645
Ryan

I know where we're not.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10646
Dwight

I hold in my hand, a beet seed. Take it. AH! When... Damn it.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10647
Andy

Hey, Big Tuna, can I talk to you for a second.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10648
Jim

Sure.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10649
Andy

Can you stand up? And talk to me over there?

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10650
Karen

That's it? That's what you came up with?

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10651
Andy

I'm acting my heart out here.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10652
Karen

Really?

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10653
Andy

Yeah, really. You asked for my help, so I helped.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10654
Announcer

Attention Scranton Business Park, there will be complimentary pretzels in the lobby from now until 4 o'clock as a thank you to our loyal tenants.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10655
Pam

Once a year they bring in a little cart and they give away free pretzels. It's really not a big deal. To some people it is.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10656
Michael

Productivity is important but how can I be productive if I have this one little thing in my brain? That I cannot get out. And that one little thing is a soft pretzel. So I'm just going to have my soft pretzel, then I'll get to work, and I'll be super productive. Look out for me.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10657
Michael

Oh, shhh... Come on.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10658
Dwight

And just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I'm going to plant my seed in you.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10659
Ryan

I don't think you know what you're saying.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10660
Dwight

Smells pretty bad, doesn't it?

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10661
Ryan

Uh huh.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10662
Dwight

It's called bull crap and a client can smell it from a mile away.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10663
Ryan

Gotcha.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10664
Dwight

Oh hey, I forgot something in my car. I'll be right back.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10665
Ryan

Ok. Of course.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10666
Stanley

I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little, but on Pretzel Day? Well, I like pretzel day.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10667
Kelly

Because they acted all tough and everything...

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10668
Michael

Uh huh.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10669
Kelly

But what they were rapping about was cupcakes and the Chronicles of Narnia. God. Who invented cupcakes, right? I want to...

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10670
Michael

Hey, hey, hey! Phyllis, what are you doing?

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10671
Phyllis

I'm just saying hi to Bob.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10672
Michael

No, I think you're cutting in line.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10673
Bob

Well settle down, Scott.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10674
Michael

No, I'm not going to settle down.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10675
Stanley

No way.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10676
Michael

Get in the back please.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10677
Stanley

Boooooo. Booooo. Back of the line.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10678
Michael

Boooooo. Thank you.. That's right.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10679
Bob

What a pair of Mary's.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10680
Stanley

This is Pretzel Day.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10681
Ryan

Hey Dwight, you're a great salesman. Can you teach me? Sure, Ryan. I'll make you the ole commodor. I'll abandon you in a beet field. Huh. That sounds great, Dwight, I'll really appreciate that. Thank you so much for your mentorship.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10682
Dwight

Congratulations resourceful salesman. You have passed the second challenge. Welcome to Schrute Farm.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10683
Karen

[rocks in squeaky chair]

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10684
Jim

Love me, love me, say that you love me, fool me, fool me,

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10685
Karen

stop.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10686
Jim

Go on and fool me. Love me, love me, say that you love me

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10687
Karen

This is not fair, this is going to be in my head all day. Please.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10688
Jim

fool me, fool me, go on and fool me. Love me,

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10689
Karen

This is not a proportionate response.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10690
Jim

Love me, say that you love me. Fool me, fool me, go on and fool me.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10691
Andy

I don't care 'bout anything but you... what ever happened to those guys?

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10692
Pam

Michael.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10693
Michael

No cuts. Oh, Pam. Just the woman I'd like to see. You read my mind.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10694
Pam

Great! I thought you could use this time to authorize some checks.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10695
Michael

I thought that maybe you could wait in line for me while I go to the bathroom. You're an angel.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10696
Pam

Hey, why don't you just go up to your office, get some work done, and I'll just bring you a pretzel.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10697
Michael

Because I like them a certain way, and if it gets screwed up, then whole thing is blown.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10698
Pam

You know, I just think it's really important that you be productive today.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10699
Michael

Pam, productivity starts with patience and determination. I'll be back.

Season 3 · Episode 5 · Line 10700