Michael

No, God, no it's not! What is the matter with you? Is that the beak!?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10488

Dwight

I'm sorry, I grew up on a farm. We slaughtered a pig whenever we wanted bacon. My grandfather was reburied in an old oil drum. It would have fit if he had given me another minute.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10489

Dwight

I need a box. I need a box. A small box... not too confining.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10490

Pam

Is it for the bird?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10491

Dwight

Yeah.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10492

Pam

I have it covered.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10493

Dwight

Oh, thank you.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10494

Pam

If you wanna do something for the funeral...

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10495

Dwight

Yes, please.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10496

Pam

Maybe you could play a song on your recorder.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10497

Dwight

Excellent.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10498

Pam

Do you have it with you?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10499

Dwight

Always.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10500

Pam

Did I wake up this morning thinking I'd be throwing together a bird funeral? You never can tell what your day here is gonna turn into.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10501

Karen

Where'd you find them?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10502

Jim

Where'd I find what?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10503

Jim

I called the manufacturer, who referred me to distributor, who referred me to the vending machine company, who told me that they sell them in the machines in the building next door.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10504

Michael

Glad you could all make it.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10505

Kelly

You told us we had to.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10506

Michael

Dwight, do you have the box?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10507

Pam

Actually, I have it.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10508

Michael

You made this? Wow. That's... that's very nice.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10509

Ryan

When I was five my mom told me that my fish went to the hospital in the toilet and it never came back so we had a funeral for it. And I remember thinking 'I'm a little too old for this.' And I was

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10510

Pam

I'd also like to say a few words if that's okay.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10511

Michael

Yes.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10512

Pam

What do we know about this bird? You might think, 'Not much. It's just a bird.' But we do know some things. We know it was a local bird. Maybe it's that same bird that surprised Oscar that one morning with a special present from above.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10513

Kevin

Oh, I remember that. That was SO funny.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10514

Pam

And we know how he died. Flying into the glass doors. But you know what? I don't think he was being stupid. I think he just really, really wanted to come inside our building to spread his cheer and lift our spirits with a song.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10515

Dwight

He's not a songbird.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10516

Michael

Shhh.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10517

Pam

An impression, then. Lastly, we can't help but notice that he was by himself when he died, but of course, we all know that doesn't mean he was alone. Because I'm sure that there were lots of other birds out there who cared for him very much. He will not be forgotten.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10518

Angela

Amen.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10519

Dwight

[begins playing recorder]

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10520

Pam

Just smile for me and let the day begin. You are the sunshine that lights my heart within... on the wings of love ...

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10521

Michael

Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that's baloney, because grief isn't wrong. There is such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10522

Dwight

Let's get back to work.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10523

Hannah

Hey Jimmy. Want to see some pictures of my baby?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10524

Jim

Umm... sure.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10525

Hannah

Here he is.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10526

Jim

He's so cute.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10527

Hannah

And here's his first bath. Warning: contains nudity.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10528

Jim

That's okay. Oh, no, it's not. I'm sorry, is that your husband in the tub with him?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10529

Hannah

You think we should have left our baby in the tub alone? Talk to me when you have kids.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10530

Jim

Sounds good.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10531

Jan

Ed Truck died over the weekend.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10532

Michael

Oh, wow. He...

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10533

Jan

Yeah. And I know... I know he was your boss, so I thought you should know.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10534

Michael

Does his family know?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10535

Jan

Yes, they know, Michael.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10536

Michael

But I'm the first in the office?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10537

Jan

I guess, yes. I think it would be appropriate for you to make an announcement to your team, in case they want to pay their respects.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10538

Michael

Okay, yes, sure, I will do that...

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10539

Jan

Good.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10540

Michael

...'Cause I'm the first to to find out. Nobody else knows and it is my responsibility to tell them. Well, good. How are you holding up? Want me to come over?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10541

Michael

Ed Truck died. And it blows. They say that with grief, time makes it worse, which is bad for me because I found out before anybody so I've had more time to be sad.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10542

Dwight

Attention, everyone. As you know, Ed Truck is dead. If you have any contact information on Rolodex files or in Microsoft Outlook, remove it now. Also, if you have any photographs, Pam will make her shredder available during lunch. That is all.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10543

Dwight

Remembering the dead doesn't help anybody. The way to best honor them is to figure out what killed them and prevent that thing from killing anyone ever again. In this case, some sort of steel exoskeleton to protect the neck, or else a device that allows the head to live separately from the body. I'm working on both.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10544

Michael

I would like you all to clear your schedules this afternoon, because I am telling corporate to send in a grief counselor. We need to find out what is blocking you. And that way, we'll be able to honor Ed the way he deserves to be honored. May he rest in peace.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10545

Kevin

...ces.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10546

Michael

What was that, Kevin?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10547

Kevin

Nothing.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10548

Michael

No, you said something, didn't you?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10549

Kevin

May he rest in pieces. You know, because there's, like, two pieces of him.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10550

Michael

You think that's funny.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10551

Kevin

No.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10552

Michael

You are disgusting.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10553

Dwight

Michael, no need to call corporate. We are supposed to use Toby. He's trained as a grief counselor.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10554

Michael

No, that can't be right.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10555

Toby

Well, I am trained in grief counseling, but, ahh, I don't think that's what they need right now.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10556

Michael

Well, then I guess that makes you about the worst grief counselor in the world, doesn't it?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10557

Roy

Hey there.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10558

Pam

Hi.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10559

Roy

So how's your day going?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10560

Pam

Well, I will be spending the entire afternoon in grief counseling for someone I've never met.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10561

Roy

That sucks. You guys got it much harder up here.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10562

Pam

Closer to the epicenter, I guess.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10563

Roy

Cool, all right.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10564

Toby

Well, as you know, Ed Truck passed away. So, I'm here to talk about it if anyone would like to.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10565

Kevin

Not really.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10566

Michael

You're ruining it, already. They should not be given the choice.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10567

Ryan

I did not know Ed Truck. So I will probably spend the day zoning out and planning my weekend. I think Ed would have wanted it that way.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10568

Toby

Is anyone having any trouble eating?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10569

Kevin

No.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10570

Toby

Concentrating? Is anyone having trouble getting their work done today?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10571

Stanley

I'm having trouble getting my work done today.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10572

Toby

Well, look, sometimes things crop up later. So, uhh, you should know I'm always available if anyone would like to talk.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10573

Michael

Wow. Wow. No. No. You are the most heartless, soulless person I've ever met.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10574

Toby

Michael, I'm sorry...

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10575

Michael

No. No. Shh. Enough. It is going to take me hours to undo all the damage that your have done here. Dwight, Ryan, I want you to take the table out. We're gonna go on a five minute break, and when you come back, we're going to start with a clean slate, and, in the interim, I would like you to forget everything that Toby has said, okay?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10576

Michael

I don't think I'm overstating it when I say that Toby is a plague on this company. And he is worthless. You give people a chance to shine and they blow it, just like you knew they would. Grief counseling is not about, 'Are you hungry? Would you like a sandwich?' These people are so far gone, you have to stick a food tube down their throats.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10577

Michael

Okay, part of the problem was that Toby talked at you. Now, I am going to talk with you. First off, I want you to be comfortable, because you really can't grieve if you're all tight and buttoned up. So, guys, loosen your ties, just take your jackets off if you want. Ladies, let your hair down. You know what? Even take your shoes off. I wanna get personal and I want you all to really open up. And I want you to know that anything and everything can be said.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10578

Angela

Okay. I don't think Kevin should take his shoes off.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10579

Kevin

My feet do not smell. Angela knows that hyperhidrosis is a medically diagnosed condition.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10580

Michael

I found an exercise in Toby's binder that he managed to miss, that involves screening the part of you that says, 'I don't wanna do that. I don't wanna talk about that. That is too private.' Here's how it works. I'm going to throw you this ball.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10581

Toby

Yeah, the ball-throwing exercise is in the binder. It's in the section marked, 'Fun Ways To Make Brainstorming Sessions Explode With Excitement and Creativity.'

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10582

Roy

Hey, my cousin Billy, they just had the twins.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10583

Pam

Really?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10584

Roy

Yeah.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10585

Pam

Wow, I thought that was supposed to be, like, next month.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10586

Roy

Yeah, I know. I guess they couldn't wait. I'll bring in a picture if you...

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Quote 10587

"Grief Counseling" Quotes (page 3)