Michael

But Ed truck can't because he is---

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10388

Jan

Goodbye.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10389

Michael

DEAD.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10390

Dwight

Look I gave him a six foot extension cord so he can't chase us.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10391

Michael

That's perfect.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10392

Jim

Okay, that is a 'no' on the on the West Side Market.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10393

Karen

Okay, great. I think that's enough. Can I get back to work now?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10394

Jim

Wow. Never pegged you for a quitter.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10395

Karen

I am NOT a quitter. I will do this all day if you want.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10396

Jim

Really?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10397

Karen

Yeah, all day.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10398

Andy

Hey. What are we doing? What's the game? I want in.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10399

Jim

Oh, there's no game. We're just trying to get these chips for Karen.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10400

Andy

Did you check the vending machine?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10401

Karen

Oh, the vending machines! How did we miss that?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10402

Jim

I have no idea. We went right for the copier.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10403

Karen

Mm.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10404

Jim

And then we checked the fax machine.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10405

Karen

Yeah, nothing there.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10406

Andy

Did you check your... butt?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10407

Michael

Oohh... can you imagine how much blood there was? If it happened right here, it would reach all the way to reception. Probably get on Pam.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10408

Phyllis

Okay that's enough.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10409

Michael

What?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10410

Stanley

We do not wanna hear about this.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10411

Michael

Well, you know what? I didn't wanna hear about it either, Stanley, but I did and now I can't stop picturing it. He leaves work, he's on his way home... wham! His cappa is detated from his head!

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10412

Stanley

You have just spit on my face.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10413

Michael

Well, you know what? There's something wrong with you. There is something wrong with everybody in here. Because we have lost a member of our family and you don't wanna talk about it, you don't wanna think about it, you just wanna get back to work!

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10414

Michael

There are five stages to grief, which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And right now, out there, they're all denying the fact that they're sad. And that's hard. And it's making them all angry. And it is my job to try to get them all the way through to acceptance. And if not acceptance, then just depression. If I can get them depressed, then I'll have done my job.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10415

Michael

I am going to throw you this ball. When you catch the ball, I want you to say the name of a person very important to you, somebody really special who died, and then I want you to say how they died, and you may cry if you like, that is encouraged. Let me just start. Let me show you how this works. I catch the ball. I lost Ed Truck. And... it feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears... and at the same time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer... and then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone... and I'm crying, and nobody can hear me, because I am terribly, terribly... terribly alone.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10416

Roy

Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt, uh, I need to see Pam. There seems to be, like, something wrong with the radiator in her car.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10417

Michael

Okay, fine. Hurry back.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10418

Roy

There's nothing wrong with your car. I just thought you might like a break from the 'grief counseling' session.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10419

Pam

Oh. I would like a break.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10420

Roy

How are you likin' the new car?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10421

Pam

Great.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10422

Roy

Yeah? Sure is small. Got airbags?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10423

Pam

I think so. I don't know, I was mainly focused on the cup holders.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10424

Roy

Well, you're not still driving so fast, are you? Yeah.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10425

Jim

Hi, yeah. This is Mike from the West Side Market. Well, we get a shipment of Herr's salt and vinegar chips, and we ordered that about three weeks ago and haven't ... . yeah. You have 'em in the warehouse. Great. What is my store number... six. Wait, no. I'll call you back. Shut up.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10426

Karen

Six?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10427

Michael

Okay, we can start. Um...

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10428

Pam

You waited for me?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10429

Michael

Yeah. Pam, you're a member of this family. So we will wait for our family members. Phyllis, you wanna give it a shot?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10430

Dwight

I got it. When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered, that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10431

Michael

Okay, why don't you throw the ball to somebody else.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10432

Stanley

Nope.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10433

Michael

Oh, yes Stanley. Come on. Your turn, you have to go.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10434

Stanley

I will NOT.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10435

Michael

Okay... I'm going to toss the ball to Pam.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10436

Pam

Let's see. I had an aunt that I was really close to. She was this amazing female boxer. Um, anyway, she was injured in a fight, and she was paralyzed. So, you can imagine how upset I was when I found out that she asked her manager to remove her breathing tube so she could die.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10437

Michael

Wow. If you wanna cry, that's okay.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10438

Ryan

Thanks. Um, a few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa and, um, my cousin, Mufasa was um, he was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeests and, um, we all... took it really hard. All of us kind of in the audience of what happened.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10439

Michael

Do you want to talk about it anymore?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10440

Ryan

Oh, it would probably take me like an hour and a half to tell that whole story.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10441

Kevin

Me, me, me, me, me me. Yes. Okay, um. I was trying to throw this party once. And everyone was over for the weekend. And then my uncle Bernie died, and so me and my best friend, we had to pretend like he was alive, so...

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10442

Michael

Wait a second. That's Weekend at Bernie's. Do you think that this is a game?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10443

Phyllis

Well, there is a ball.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10444

Michael

All right, we're starting over.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10445

Stanley

No, I'm done.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10446

Michael

You are not leaving. No! We are not done.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10447

Angela

We really have a lot of work to do right now.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10448

Michael

Yeah. Well, you know what? The guy who had my job has died. And nobody cares! And he sat at my desk.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10449

Toby

Michael, look. I know this is hard for you, but death's just a part of life. I mean, just this morning I saw a little bird fly into the glass doors downstairs and die. And I had to keep going.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10450

Michael

How do you know?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10451

Toby

What?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10452

Michael

That that bird was dead? Did you check its breathing?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10453

Toby

It was obvious...

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10454

Michael

Was its heart beating, Toby? Did you check it? No, of course you didn't. You're not a veterinarian. You don't know ANYTHING!

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10455

Dwight

Michael! Michael. Michael ...

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10456

Michael

Oh, God!

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10457

Dwight

Oh...

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10458

Michael

Oh my God! Oh my God, come on ...

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10459

Dwight

Poor little fella.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10460

Michael

Oh shhhh--oot!

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10461

Dwight

He is a goner.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10462

Michael

No, he's not.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10463

Dwight

Yeah.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10464

Michael

No, he's not.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10465

Dwight

Michael, get him away from your head! He is covered in germs and bacteria!

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10466

Michael

Well, you can't get diseases from a bird!

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10467

Angela

A dead bird should not be in the kitchen!

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10468

Michael

We don't know if it's dead.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10469

Kelly

Ugh, no that thing is

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10470

Dwight

You want me to flush him?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10471

Michael

Attention everybody. This will only take a second of your time. Today at 4 p.m. we will be meeting in the parking lot to have a funeral service for this bird.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10472

Meredith

I have a lot of work to do.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10473

Michael

Well, I'm sorry to inconvenience you, Meredith. But that is what you do when things die. You honor them. Toby killed this bird. And now we are going to honor it.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10474

Angela

But...

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10475

Michael

No, no, no! That's enough! You know what? This bird is dead. He died alone. The least you can do is be there for him now. Find a box for him.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10476

Karen

I'm calling a supermarket in Montreal.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10477

Jim

Nice!

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10478

Karen

Bonjour. Je cherche des tchips de la marque Herr's. Non? Ah... merci quand meme. Au revoir.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10479

Jim

Sounded good.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10480

Karen

Thanks.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10481

Kelly

[crying]

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10482

Michael

It's okay. It's okay. Shh... yes, I know, I know. It's been a tough day, but it's good to let it show.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10483

Kelly

I mean, how many times to I have to confirm with Ryan for him to know that we have a date tonight?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10484

Dwight

Argh... gah!

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10485

Michael

What are... What are you doing?

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10486

Dwight

What? No, this is about the right size.

Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10487

"Grief Counseling" Quotes (page 2)