Every line from The Office season 3, episode 16, in script order. First aired February 15, 2007.
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Michael
Thanks, Kowalsky. Um, can we get on track here?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14105
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Business Student #1
By your own employee's calculation you'll be obsolete in the next five to ten years.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14106
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Michael
...Wait, Ryan said that?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14107
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Kelly
What are you doing? You'd better not hurt that little bat.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14108
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Creed
Animals can't feel pain.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14109
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Kelly
Don't hurt that bat, Creed! It's a living thing with feelings and a family!
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14110
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Dwight
Flush him towards the door. On my go... NOW!
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14111
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Kelly
AHH! KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IIIT!
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14112
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Kevin
I... am a hero!
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14113
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Michael
Yeah sure, you know business, sitting up here in your ivory tower. And your ebony tower. You know what? Tell you one thing, Dunder-Mifflin is here to stay.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14114
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Business Student #2
But how can you compete against a company with the resources of a nationwide chain?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14115
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Michael
David will always beat Goliath.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14116
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Business Student #1
But there's five Goliaths, there's... Staples, Officemax...
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14117
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Michael
Yeah, yeah. You know what else is facing five Goliaths? America. Al-Qaeda, global warming, sex predators... mercury poisoning. So do we just give up? Is that what we're learning in business school?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14118
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Business Student #1
But in the big picture...
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14119
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Michael
Dunder-Mifflin is the big picture! Can't you understand that? No, you can't. You're too young. Ryan... has never made a sale. And he started a fire trying to make a cheesy pita. And everybody thinks he's a tease. Well you know what? He doesn't know anything, and neither do you. SO SUCK ON THAT!
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14120
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Ryan
...It wasn't personal.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14121
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Michael
Business is always personal. It's the most personal thing in the world. When we get back to the office, pack your things.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14122
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Ryan
Pack my--?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14123
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Michael
You heard me, pack your things.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14124
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Meredith
I really want to come out!
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14125
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Creed
Good night, Mary Beth!
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14126
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Jim
So... you're cool to just wait here for animal control?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14127
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Dwight
Animal control? I've been controlling animals since I was six.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14128
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Jim
Cool. Okay. I'm gonna go home and lie down, draw the shades... there's just so much sun in here... bye Dwight.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14129
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Dwight
Goodbye Jim. And good luck.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14130
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Dwight
Jim is on a path now. An eternal journey, and I wish him well. But I have a destiny in this realm. Specifically, in the kitchen.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14131
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Pam
...And it's all from the same series.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14132
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Woman
Oh.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14133
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Pam
Called 'Impressions.'
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14134
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Woman
Oh.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14135
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Pam
Not that I call myself an impressionist, per se.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14136
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Woman
Maybe one day.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14137
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Pam
I hope so.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14138
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Woman
Mmm.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14139
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Pam
I still need... you know, my breakthrough, or whatever. Hey, babe, how are you?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14140
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Roy
Good. Alright I brought my brother, huh?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14141
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Pam
Hey, Kenny.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14142
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Kenny
Hey Pam.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14143
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Roy
How 'bout this, huh? I show up with my brother, and, no one from work is here? That's... pretty cool, huh?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14144
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Dwight
Magic time. Gyeeeaahhh!
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14145
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Meredith
Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Get off! Get off me! Get off me!
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14146
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Dwight
Hold still, woman!
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14147
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Meredith
Get off me! Get it off! Ahhhh!
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14148
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Dwight
...... You're welcome.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14149
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Roy
It's cool if I go, right? I mean, I looked at all of them.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14150
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Pam
Yeah, I'll just, I'll drive myself home.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14151
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Roy
To my place?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14152
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Pam
Maybe, I'm a little tired.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14153
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Roy
Your art.. was the prettiest art of... all art.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14154
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Pam
Thank you.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14155
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Ryan
Look, I'm sorry, okay? I was just trying to do my presentation, and... of course, I was wrong to suggest that Dunder-Mifflin might ever go out of business. But you don't have to fire me.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14156
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Michael
Fire you? No, no no. You are moving... to the annex.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14157
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Ryan
To the annex? Where... Kelly is?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14158
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Michael
A good manager doesn't fire people. He hires people and inspires people. ... People, Ryan. And people will never go out of business.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14159
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Oscar
You're the one who said we needed more culture.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14160
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Gil
This is culture to you?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14161
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Oscar
It's her first try.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14162
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Gil
Yeah, on Van Gogh's first try, he drew the hands of the peasants.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14163
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Oscar
Meaning what?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14164
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Gil
Meaning, real art takes courage, okay? And honesty.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14165
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Oscar
Well, those aren't Pam's strong points.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14166
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Gil
Yeah, exactly. That's why this is... motel art.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14167
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Artist
Thanks for coming.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14168
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Michael
Pam-casso! Sorry I'm late, I had to race across town.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14169
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Pam
Oh, Michael.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14170
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Michael
Wow! You did these... freehand?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14171
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Pam
Yep.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14172
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Michael
My God, these could be tracings! Ohh! Look at this one. Wow! You nailed it. ... How much?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14173
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Pam
What do you mean?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14174
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Michael
I don't see a... price.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14175
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Pam
Um... you wanna buy it?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14176
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Michael
Well, yeah. Yeah, we have to have it for the office. I mean, there's my... window, and there's my car! That your car?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14177
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Pam
Uh-huh.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14178
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Michael
That is our building... and we sell paper. ... I am really proud of you.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14179
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Pam
... Thank you.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14180
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Michael
What?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14181
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Pam
Do you have something in your pocket?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14182
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Michael
...Chunky. Do you want half?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14183
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Pam
No thank you.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14184
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Michael
Okay.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14185
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Michael
It is... a message. It is an inspiration, it is... a source of beauty. And without paper, it could not have happened. Unless, you had a camera.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14186
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Kelly
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God...
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14187
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Ryan
It's only temporary, okay? Don't get excited.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14188
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Kelly
I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't...
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14189
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Michael
Well ultimately I went into business to inspire people. They say those who can't do, teach. I can do both. I teach doing.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14190
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Jim
OK, here we go... Digest of business terms, CliffsNotes on business economics, and a sales encyclopedia.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14191
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Michael
Wow! That's a lot of books, do you have, umm, one book that sums up all of these.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14192
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Jim
Those are the books that sum up the other books.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14193
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Michael
So no?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14194
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Jim
What are you reading?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14195
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Michael
Oh, umm, ever since I started here, I've kept a diary of all my sales.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14196
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Jim
Oh, that could be interesting.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14197
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Michael
No, it's just mileage mostly, but there's one chapter that I call wisdoms. I'm going to read you a series of statements, and I want you to tell me, on a scale of one to ten, how smart they are.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14198
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Jim
I am ready.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14199
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Michael
Don't do what I say, say what I do.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14200
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Jim
Five.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14201
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Michael
Just getting warmed up. Mistakes are just successes that you mess up.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14202
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Jim
Hmm... Five.
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14203
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Michael
This... You know this is a scale of one to ten?
Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14204