Every line from The Office season 3, episode 15, in script order. First aired February 8, 2007.
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Jim
Damn, lost another file. Going to have to reboot. Again. Hey, Dwight, do you want an Altoid?
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13825
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Dwight
What do you think?
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13826
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Jim
In school, we learned about this scientist who trained dogs to salivate at the sound of a bell by feeding them whenever a bell rang. For the last couple of weeks I've been conducting a similar experiment.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13827
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Jim
Dwight, want an Altoid?
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13828
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Dwight
Okay.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13829
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Jim
Altoid?
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13830
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Dwight
Sure
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13831
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Jim
Mint Dwight?
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13832
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Dwight
Inbwit? Yes.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13833
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Dwight
[Windows reboot sound]
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13834
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Jim
What are you doing?
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13835
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Dwight
I...
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13836
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Jim
What?
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13837
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Dwight
I don't know. My mouth tastes so bad all of a sudden.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13838
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Michael
Always the bridesmaids, right ladies?
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13839
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Photographer
Okay, for this next one everyone hop out. Just Phyllis and Dad. Actually, let's bring Mom back in. And the sisters. And you, and you, and you. Great.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13840
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Michael
Phyllis is getting married. And I am in the wedding party. She has asked me to push her father's wheelchair down the aisle. So, basically, I am co-giving away the bride. Since I pay her salary it is like I'm paying for the wedding. Which I'm happy to do. It's a big day for Phyllis. But it's an even bigger day for me. Employer of the bride.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13841
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Phyllis
Yes, I put Michael in my wedding. It was the only way I could think to get six weeks off for my honeymoon. No one else has ever gotten six weeks before.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13842
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Pam
Phyllis... ended up using the exact same invitations as Roy and me. So it was kind of like being invited to my own wedding. And I was like 'Wait, thought I called that off'.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13843
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Jim
So what's in the box?
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13844
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Stanley
A toaster, you?
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13845
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Karen
A toaster.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13846
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Stanley
Unbelievable.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13847
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Dwight
Hello, Angela.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13848
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Angela
Hi, Dwight.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13849
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Dwight
You look as beautiful as the Queen of England.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13850
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Angela
Thank you. Don't linger. Break left. Left!
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13851
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Dwight
The Shrutes have their own traditions. We usually marry standing in our own graves. Makes the funerals very romantic, but the weddings are a bleak affair.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13852
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Jim
Those flowers are nice.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13853
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Karen
Yeah. P and R?
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13854
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Jim
Phyllis and Robert.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13855
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Karen
Ah, of course.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13856
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Pam
Also, Pam and Roy.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13857
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Michael
There she is. I swear Phyllis you are as beautiful as the first day you started work at Dunder Mifflin.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13858
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Phyllis
Thanks, Michael. That's sweet. Same as when you said it outside.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13859
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Michael
How you doin'? You excited.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13860
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Phyllis
Yes, very.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13861
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Michael
Me, too. If you need to vomit, that is ok. I did. Do you want to talk about tonight?
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13862
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Phyllis
No.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13863
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Michael
You're probably worried about pleasing Bob. A lot of pressure. Phyllis, did you break wind? It's okay, if you did. It's a very natural reaction. It's your wedding. And you're nervous...
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13864
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Phyllis
That wasn't me.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13865
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Michael
Okay... umm... I'm sure that Bob... Wow. That is... that is pungent. I lost my train of thought. Aaah... Are you set on that hairstyle?
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13866
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Phyllis
I thought it was...
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13867
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Michael
Here, let me...
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13868
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Phyllis
Michael... No.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13869
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Michael
Just cover up that bald patch.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13870
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Phyllis
I don't need your... thank you. No, Michael please... I just need some time alone.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13871
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Michael
Okay.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13872
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Michael
You might be surprised to learn that I've only been to one other wedding. It's actually a very cute story. My Mom was marrying Jeff. And they asked me to be ring bearer. I was understandably emotional and somehow my pants became wet.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13873
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Michael
I hate you!
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13874
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Michael
Long story short: Jeff's dog ended up as ring bearer. And the irony is that after the ceremony that dog peed on everything and nobody said 'boo'.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13875
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Dwight
Why are all these people here? There are too many people on this Earth. We need a new plague. Who are all these people?
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13876
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Jim
You know what? I bet a lot of them are wedding crashers.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13877
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Dwight
No way.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13878
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Jim
Did you ever see that movie?
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13879
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Dwight
Of course I saw it.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13880
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Dwight
I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theatre. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theatre, but I kept waiting. That's the thing about bear attacks, they come when you least expect it.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13881
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Jim
You know I just wish, I wish, I had the investigative powers to smoke some of these guys out.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13882
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Dwight
Once again, Jim, I will take care of this. I will locate the wedding crashers and report them to Phyllis. That way I won't have to get her a gift.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13883
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Kevin
Hi. I'm Kevin. Where did you find her?
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13884
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Toby
At the gym.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13885
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Kevin
Riiight. The gym.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13886
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Kelly
Could you scoot over? You're on my dress.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13887
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Meredith
I thought you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13888
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Kelly
I know but there was an emergency.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13889
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Kelly
I look
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13890
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Michael
This strappy young lad sitting here is Phyllis' father, Albert, and he is quite the ladies' man, aren't you Albert, hah? Ah, ringbearer. I could have done better. I will do better. I am going to be better. I can't believe I'm actually doing this! Ooh! Are you ready for this, Albert? I am. Let's do it.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13891
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Pam
That's my dress.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13892
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Michael
That's ok.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13893
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Dwight
It's a miracle.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13894
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Crowd
[generalized clapping]
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13895
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Michael
This is bull****!
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13896
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Michael
Me walking Phyllis down the aisle was supposed to be the highlight of the wedding. And now... the wedding has no highlight.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13897
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Michael
I can't believe I pushed that... that guy's lazy ass around all day... until he was ready to stand up and steal the show. That's... well... I got news for you, Albert. If that's your real name. The show's not over.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13898
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Priest
And do you, Phyllis, take Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration, to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13899
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Phyllis
I do.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13900
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Michael
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you for the first time as a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Vance!
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13901
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Priest
And do you, Bob...
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13902
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Michael
Oh, shiii...
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13903
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Priest
... take Phyllis to be your lawfully wedded wife
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13904
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Bob Vance
I do.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13905
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Priest
You may now kiss the bride.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13906
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Michael
Ladies and Gentleman, for the first time as a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Vance. Yeah! That's what I'm talking about!
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13907
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Angela
Congratulations, Phyllis. You look lovely. Your dress is very white. So white, my eyes are burning.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13908
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Phyllis
Thanks Angela.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13909
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Michael
Congratulations, Bob. You're a good man. But just know... if you ever lay a finger on Phyllis, I will kill you.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13910
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Bob Vance
If you ever lay I finger on Phyllis, I'll kill you.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13911
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Michael
Agreed. No fingers will be laid on Phyllis. Oh, decided to sit down again, huh? Great. Bet you can hear me, too.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13912
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Dwight
Best of luck, Phyllis. Also I'm going to need to see a copy of the guest manifest as well as photographs of the caterers.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13913
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Phyllis
I don't have that, Dwight.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13914
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Dwight
Dammit, Phyllis!
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13915
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Kelly
Are you all right? This must be so awful for you.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13916
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Pam
What do you mean?
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13917
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Kelly
Well... this was supposed to be your wedding.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13918
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Pam
Oh... um... no. That's... um... That's actually fine
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13919
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Kelly
There's no way it's fine. I'm sorry. If I was you, I would just like freak out and get really drunk and then tell someone I was pregnant.
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13920
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Pam
Okay, that's a lot of good ideas. Thanks
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13921
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Dwight
Scuse me, sir. How do you know the happy couple?
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13922
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Uncle Al
Who?
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13923
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Dwight
The bride and groom? What are their names?
Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13924