Every line from The Office season 3, episode 14, in script order. First aired February 1, 2007.
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Jim
Ah, gotcha. Okay, so they have Albert Einstein, Ben Franklin, or Sponge Bob Squarepants.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13668
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Michael
Squarepants?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13669
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Jim
Yep, Spongebob Squarepants.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13670
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Michael
And you think that'd be sexy?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13671
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Jim
Michael referred me to a male strip club called Banana Slings. Instead, I called the Scholastic Speakers of Pennsylvania.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13672
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Ben Franklin
Hold the door please!
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13673
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Michael
Oh.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13674
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Ben Franklin
Thank you.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13675
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Michael
Oh. Hello!
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13676
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Ben Franklin
Hello!
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13677
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Michael
You wearing a thong?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13678
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Ben Franklin
What?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13679
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Angela
Sparkling cider is very good.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13680
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Pam
I think that's champagne.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13681
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Angela
[Spits champagne back into her glass]
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13682
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Michael
Hello ladies. Who here is a history buff? Who's a fan of buff naked? Without further ado, the one, the only, the sexy Mr. Benjamin Franklin.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13683
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Ben Franklin
Thank you for that introduction, Mr. Scott, and good afternoon fine gentlewomen of Dunder Mifflin.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13684
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Michael
Half pants, right Mr. Franklin?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13685
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Ben Franklin
Knickers in fact, yes!
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13686
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Michael
He's in his knickers. Mr. Franklin, I would say you are probably one of the sexiest presidents ever.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13687
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Ben Franklin
Well, actually, I never was president.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13688
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Michael
Yes, but, Ben Franklin was.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13689
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Ben Franklin
Ah. I'm here to teach you a little bit about my life and the era of the founding fathers.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13690
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Michael
And when they came over on the Mayflower. Bow chicka bow.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13691
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Meredith
Wait, this is the entertainment?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13692
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Michael
Yeah, alright, so I want you to give him your undivided attention and Mr. Franklin, if any of these ladies misbehave I give you permission to spank them. Especially that one.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13693
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Jim
Have you ever seen a stripper before?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13694
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Dwight
Yes. Jennifer Garner portrayed one on Alias. It was one of her many aliases.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13695
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Jim
Yeah, me neither.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13696
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Elizabeth
Hey.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13697
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Jim
Hi.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13698
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Elizabeth
I'm Elizabeth, I'm the dancer that was requested.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13699
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Dwight
Okay, I specifically ordered a stripper.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13700
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Elizabeth
I'm the stripper.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13701
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Dwight
Oh, okay good. Well in the future please identify yourself as such.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13702
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Jim
Oh God.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13703
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Dwight
Is she hot? Text back, 'Kind of.'
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13704
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Ben Franklin
It was a warm June evening in 1752, the night of my fateful kite flight.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13705
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Karen
Mr. Franklin?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13706
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Ben Franklin
Yes?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13707
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Karen
Do you have a girlfriend?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13708
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Ben Franklin
I have a lovely wife, Deborah.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13709
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Pam
But don't you also have girlfriends in Paris? Like a lot of them?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13710
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Ben Franklin
Uh, well that is a grey area of my life. Okay? So, it was a warm June evening.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13711
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Michael
Look at that. Nothing like grilling in the great outdoors.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13712
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Ryan
Is this the same grill you grilled your foot on?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13713
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Michael
No. Yes.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13714
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Ryan
Oh gross.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13715
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Michael
But I got all the foot off of it.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13716
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Pam
Okay Ben Franklin!
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13717
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Karen
Ben Franklin tied a cherry stem with his mouth!
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13718
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Ben Franklin
Well, that is because I am a renaissance man.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13719
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Pam
Ben Franklin, do you wear boxers, briefs, or pantaloons?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13720
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Ben Franklin
Well, you're very saucy!
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13721
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Michael
Guys, beef! It's what's for dinner! Who wants some man meat?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13722
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Dwight
I do! I want some man meat!
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13723
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Jim
Michael, Dwight would like your man meat.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13724
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Michael
Well then my man meat, he shall have. There you go. Deliciousity.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13725
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Stanley
Of course.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13726
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Karen
So I guess you have the Ben Franklin wig and the costume and you figure, how can I put this to practical use?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13727
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Pam
Well I like to think that his dad was a Ben Franklin impersonator and he really pressured him into it.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13728
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Karen
Hey um, I wanted to talk to you. I know this is weird or whatever, but Jim told me about you guys.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13729
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Pam
What do you mean?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13730
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Karen
Well that you kissed. And we talked it through and it's totally fine, it's not a big deal. It's just a kiss. Wait- you're not still interested in him?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13731
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Pam
Oh yeah.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13732
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Karen
Really?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13733
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Pam
Oh no, I was confused by your phrasing. You should definitely go out with Jim. I mean, you're going out with Jim. I'm not going out with Jim. You're dating him, which is awesome, because you guys are great together.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13734
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Karen
Okay.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13735
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Pam
I'm not into Jim. Yeah.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13736
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Karen
So um, well good.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13737
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Pam
Yeah. Sorry.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13738
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Karen
What are you sorry about?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13739
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Pam
Um, what?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13740
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Karen
What are you sorry about?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13741
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Pam
Nothing. I was just thinking of something else.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13742
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Kevin
Okay. The game is no limit deuce to seven lowball. Lines twenty five fifty, nickels are worth ten, dimes twenty-five, and quarters fifty. Nothing wild.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13743
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Michael
I call shuffle. Here we go.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13744
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Kevin
Michael.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13745
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Michael
Ah, gentlemen, the entertainment is here. Everybody I'd like to introduce you to Elizabeth.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13746
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Elizabeth
Hi guys!
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13747
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Michael
Nice outfit.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13748
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Elizabeth
I hear there's an important meeting here.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13749
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Roy
I'm not really into strippers. You know what I find sexy? Pam's art. She's an artist and I appreciate that. It's very moving and sexy. The art.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13750
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Elizabeth
Hit it. So where's the groom?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13751
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Michael
He's right there. There he is.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13752
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Bob Vance
Absolutely not. That's all you. That's all you.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13753
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Michael
Okay. Alright, I'll do it. Yeah. Lets do it. Lets do this thing. Yeah. What do I?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13754
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Elizabeth
Just sit on down.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13755
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Michael
Alright.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13756
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Elizabeth
Alright.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13757
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Michael
Okay.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13758
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Elizabeth
Here we go.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13759
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Michael
Here we go. Alright!
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13760
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Elizabeth
Yeah!
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13761
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Michael
Not bad! Not bad! You smell nice. Like Tide.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13762
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Elizabeth
Mmm, what's that?
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13763
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Michael
You smell like Tide detergent. Do you use Tide detergent? Ha ha ha! I have a girlfriend so...
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13764
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Elizabeth
I bet she'd be jealous.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13765
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Michael
Yeah she probably, yeah she would be. You know what, okay, excuse me. Please stop it, stop it. Turn off the music. This is wrong, this is wrong! This is wrong! I have a girlfriend. And you are engaged and I'm sure you have a boyfriend in prison or something so lets just clear out okay. Shame on you. Go back to work!
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13766
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Dwight
Elizabeth, I want you to sit here. When the phone rings, answer it.
Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13767