Every line from The Office season 3, episode 12, in script order. First aired January 11, 2007.
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Michael
Jim, could you come in here please?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13097
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Harvey
Hi, Jim.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13098
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Jim
Hello.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13099
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Harvey
I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13100
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Michael
Sorry, oh wow, that's so rude. I'm sorry, I can't control him.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13101
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Jim
Yeah, you can.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13102
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Michael
You know what? Get Pam.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13103
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Jim
For this?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13104
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Michael
Pam.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13105
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Harvey
Pam, you look very hot today.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13106
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Jim
Pam, meet Harvey. This is Michael's new friend.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13107
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Pam
Great.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13108
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Harvey
Me so horny. Me love you long tim.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13109
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Michael
Oh, that is gross.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13110
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Pam
Who is 'Long Tim'?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13111
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Michael
Damn it.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13112
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Harvey
Long time. Me lobe yoy long time.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13113
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Jim
Oh well, 'Yoy' should bring in 'Long Tim' in one day. Shouldn't he?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13114
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Pam
I would love to meet Long Tim.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13115
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Jim
Yeah. Right?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13116
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Pam
Yeah.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13117
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Harvey
You ruined a funny joke, you. Get out of my offive.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13118
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Jim
Ok.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13119
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Pam
Ok. Bye Harvey.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13120
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Harvey
Boobs.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13121
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Kevin
Angela.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13122
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Angela
What?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13123
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Kevin
That was a voicemail that corporate left last night. They did not get our tax forms. Did you send them?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13124
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Angela
They arrived this morning.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13125
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Kevin
Are you sure? It is a big deal.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13126
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Angela
Is it a big deal? Is it Kevin?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13127
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Kevin
... Do you really not know? Because it is a big deal.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13128
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Andy
Five of us transferred from Stamford. There are two of us left. Me and Karen. It's like we are touring Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and dropping off one by one. Well, guess what? I am not falling in a chocolate river.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13129
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Angela
Everything ok?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13130
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Dwight
Everything is fine. You are in the clear.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13131
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Angela
Thank you. I... I don't want those.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13132
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Michael
Dwight, care to join us, finally? Thank you.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13133
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Andy
Hey Dwight, pass the tardy sauce. Get it Michael?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13134
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Michael
Yes. Ok, here is the dream team. My sales dream team. Today we are going to team up for sales calls. Andy, since this was your idea, you get to pick first.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13135
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Andy
Hmmm, well... let me think about this for a minute. Oh, I don't know. Michael Scott.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13136
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Michael
Oh.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13137
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Andy
Ph. D. Doctor of Sales.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13138
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Michael
Well, I appreciate that. That is very gracious of you.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13139
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Andy
Well, it is very gracious of you to accept.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13140
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Michael
Well, thank you sir. Ok, now going by seniority. Phyllis, our resident senior.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13141
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Phyllis
We're the same age and I'll pick... Karen.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13142
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Karen
Oh, uh, thanks.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13143
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Michael
Good. Next up, Superfly himself, Stanley.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13144
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Stanley
Pass.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13145
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Michael
You can't pass. You've got to pick somebody.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13146
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Stanley
... I'll take the kid.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13147
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Ryan
I am very flattered. I was his second choice after 'Pass.'
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13148
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Michael
So that just leaves Dwight and Jim.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13149
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Dwight
Ok, wait. Does anyone want to trade?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13150
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Jim
Yup. I'll trade.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13151
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Jim
Dwight and I used to go on sales calls all the time. In fact, I have a picture to remember that time. Oh young Jim. There is just so much I need to warn you about. And yet, tragically, I cannot.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13152
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Andy
Sebring by Chrysler. Heck of a... motor... carriage.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13153
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Michael
Dwight?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13154
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Dwight
Yup?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13155
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Michael
Here ya go.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13156
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Dwight
Yeah! You want shirts on hangers?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13157
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Michael
Please.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13158
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Andy
He does your laundry?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13159
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Michael
Long story. All right everybody, circle up. Here we go. You know what this is? This is the 'Amazing Race.' And you guys are the retired marines. And you guys are the mother and daughter. And you guys are the gay couple. And we are the firefighter heroes. Are we ready to go?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13160
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Karen
Wait, 'Amazing Race' like, the biggest sale wins?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13161
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Michael
No, we're just going to rush out, do the sales thing, and come back.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13162
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Ryan
Is there a prize?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13163
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Michael
Just bragging rights.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13164
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Phyllis
Then how is this 'Amazing Race'?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13165
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Michael
It's just... brrrrrr... It's 'Amazing Race,' Phyllis. Okay? We're in teams of two and we are on a mission. All right, so, on your mark, get set, go. Let's do it.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13166
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Dwight
Come on!!
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13167
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Phyllis
Michael.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13168
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Michael
Whoah, whoah. Oh hahahaha. Vamanos!
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13169
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Andy
Bueno.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13170
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Phyllis
Do you have a pole?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13171
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Karen
Let's go get a broom.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13172
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Jim
Seriously? You're going to sit in the back?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13173
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Dwight
Uh, yeah. It's the safest part of the car. In the event of a crash, the driver always protects his side of the car first.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13174
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Michael
Here we go.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13175
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Andy
In order to take down Dwight, I have to chip away at his ally, which, in this case, is Michael. Here's the good news. Every success I've ever had at my job or with the lady-folk has come from my ability to slowly and painfully wear someone down.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13176
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Andy
What's the deal with Dwight doing your laundry?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13177
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Michael
Ugh... that is a long story. Um, couple of months ago, Dwight tried to go behind my back with Jan and get my job and I am now having him do my laundry as punishment.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13178
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Andy
Wow, that is a long story, but quite well told, Michael. I find it very interesting. Especially about the part Dwight going behind your back and basically, like, being a terrible person. You know if you want your laundry done right? I used to work at Abercrombie. So, pretty good folder.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13179
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Angela
Hey Pam. Would you like to go with me to grab a coffee?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13180
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Pam
Really?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13181
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Angela
Yeah, I could use some fresh air. Might be fun.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13182
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Pam
Ok. Sure.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13183
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Angela
Ok.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13184
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Karen
Why are we turning in here, this is a beauty salon?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13185
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Phyllis
Um-hmmm.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13186
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Ryan
Hey, do you mind if I take the lead on this one and then you can critique me after?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13187
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Stanley
You want the lead?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13188
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Ryan
Yeah, if you don't mind.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13189
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Stanley
Mind? Nothing would delight me more.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13190
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Dwight
Leave the keys.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13191
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Jim
You still do that thing?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13192
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Dwight
Leave the keys!
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13193
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Andy
I think you have assembled an amazing team at Scranton. It's really a pleasure to be a part of it. It's like, everyone has their own special skill, you know, just like the Superfriends. Except for Dwight, who is more like a SuperDud. I mean, he would be a Superfriend if there was a Superfriend whose super power was always being late. You know?
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13194
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Michael
Hawkman.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13195
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Andy
My plan is taking longer than I thought but I don't give up easily. I have walked two marathons.
Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13196