Every line from The Office season 3, episode 11, in script order. First aired January 4, 2007.
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Jim
All right, let's get started. Umm... Oh, first off, we're supposed to be pushing cardstock this week. So... let's push cardstock this week. Uh, also... what is this?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12774
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Dwight
Tape recorder.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12775
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Jim
For what?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12776
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Dwight
For recording. Michael is on vacation and he's asked me to record all meetings and to type up the transcripts.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12777
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Jim
OK. Uh, Karen, any news from that law firm?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12778
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Karen
Yeah, the deal closed yesterday, it's the six month commitment.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12779
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Jim
Oh my God, Dwight, what're you doing?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12780
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Dwight
What?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12781
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Jim
You're not allowed to take off your pants in the middle of the office.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12782
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Dwight
I'm not.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12783
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Jim
Dwight, you know what, just back up, okay, that's making me uncomfortable. This is sexual harassment, by the way. Oh my God! He's got a knife!
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12784
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Dwight
I do not have a knife!
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12785
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Jim
No, let the record show that Dwight K. Schrute is now completely nude and is holding a plastic knife to Stanley's neck?!
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12786
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Dwight
Let the record show that Jim Halpert is a liar!
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12787
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Jim
Dwight Schrute is now wearing a baby's bonnet.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12788
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Dwight
Give me it. I am not.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12789
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Phyllis
Oh, Jim Carrey just walked in! Dwight, get his autograph for Michael quickly...
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12790
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Dwight
Jim Carrey did not just walk in, OK.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12791
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Karen
Dwight, what is that on your stomach? Is that a Muppet Babies tattoo?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12792
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Jim
Oh my God, Karen, you're right, that is Animal from the Muppet Babies.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12793
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Dwight
You can't see... You can't see my stomach.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12794
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Andy
I am now chopping off Phyllis' head with a chainsaw! ... Rin-in-in-in-in-in!
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12795
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Michael
Hey, mon!
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12796
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Pam
Hey. You have a bunch of messages and... that's nice. Hannah quit while you were gone. I guess she memo-ed to file some complaints she had about being a working mother? And so you might also have to be deposed.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12797
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Michael
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Relax.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12798
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Pam
OK.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12799
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Michael
Just relax, OK? I'll get to all of it later.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12800
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Pam
It's kind of serious.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12801
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Michael
Aren't you going to ask me how Jamaica was? Say it. Ask me.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12802
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Pam
How was Jamaica?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12803
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Michael
It was
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12804
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Stanley
Oh, Michael, I'm glad you're here.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12805
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Michael
Stanley. You know what? It is really good to see you, too.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12806
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Stanley
My bonus check was a hundred dollars less than you promised.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12807
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Michael
OK, well payroll is in charge of all that.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12808
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Stanley
They said I should talk to you.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12809
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Michael
Well, I am just getting settled in. So, I'm gonna...
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12810
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Stanley
I am not doing a lick more work until I get my full bonus check.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12811
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Michael
You are not as much fun as your Jamaican brothers... mon.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12812
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Jim
You want to talk about it?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12813
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Karen
Nope.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12814
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Karen
I still haven't found an apartment yet. I'm living in a hotel. Yesterday, I saw a 'for rent' sign down the street from Jim and he said he didn't think it'd be such a good idea. He said it would be like we were living together. In different houses. Two blocks away.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12815
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Michael
Feelin' hot, hot, hot! Feelin' hot, hot, hot! Feelin' hot, hot, hot! Feelin' hot, hot, hot! That's all I know so far, but I'm gonna keep practicing.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12816
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Pam
That's good.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12817
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Michael
You know, I had never been out of the country before now?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12818
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Pam
Huh.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12819
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Michael
Got to see how Jamaicans live. It is great, you know. They just relax, they party all the time.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12820
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Pam
It's kind of an impoverished country.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12821
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Michael
Yeah... Gosh. Great. You know what, Pam? Make a note. I want us all to start having pina coladas every day at three.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12822
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Pam
But you can't today, we're doing inventory.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12823
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Michael
Inventory's at the end of December.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12824
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Pam
We couldn't do it without you, so we postponed.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12825
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Michael
I specifically went on vacation so I would miss it.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12826
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Michael
Inventory is boring. In the islands, they don't make you do stuff like take inventory. Why do you think so many businesses move to the Caymans?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12827
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Michael
Tonight, we are going to have an inventory luau. I want to bring back a little slice of paradise to the Dunder Mifflin warehouse inventory. So, Party Planning Committee, get on it.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12828
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Angela
By the end of the day? That's impossible.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12829
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Michael
The Jamaicans don't have a word for 'impossible.'
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12830
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Jim
Yep, it's English, it's 'impossible.'
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12831
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Angela
Michael, there's no way we can do it in time.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12832
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Michael
How hard is a luau? All you need are some grass skirts, pineapple, poi, tiki torches, suckling pig, some fire dancers. That's all you need.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12833
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Michael
Come on in. Settle in. Settling. Settling... and settled. Good, there is something I would like to show everybody. See this sign? 'No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem.' This is an attitude I would like all of you to have right here. So what, if we have to stay late to do inventory? No problem.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12834
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Pam
Oh my God. Is that Jan?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12835
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Everybody
What? Where?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12836
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Pam
On the left.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12837
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Everybody
Oh yeah, oh my God.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12838
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Michael
No, no, no. No, that's a German woman named Urkel Grue.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12839
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Michael
Jan told me to play it cool and not tell anybody because it can get us both in trouble. So officially, I did not see her. But I did see Jan there. In our room. At night. And in the morning. That's all I'm gonna say. Sex. We had sex. I had sex with her. I had sex with Jan.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12840
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Michael
Hey dude. I just got back from Jamaica.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12841
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Todd Packer
Big whoop! I was in Hot-lanta. That whole town is whacked.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12842
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Michael
Yeah, that sounds amazing. You know what? The lady Jan Levinson wanted to go to Montego Bay.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12843
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Todd Packer
You took the ice queen? I don't buy it.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12844
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Michael
Well I'm looking at a photo, right now. And I'm telling 'ya, could be in Maxim.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12845
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Todd Packer
They wouldn't give you a subscription to Maxim.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12846
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Michael
Oh no?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12847
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Todd Packer
No.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12848
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Michael
OK. Well, check this out. I am sending you some email. You got it?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12849
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Todd Packer
Well, no. I got nothing.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12850
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Michael
Check it again. Hit refresh.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12851
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Todd Packer
Yeah, Mike, still nothing.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12852
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Michael
OK, wait a second. I sent it to you at... Packer@DunderMifflin.com.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12853
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Todd Packer
Wait, I just got it from somebody else. Wow. This is hot. Damn! How do I get you out of this picture?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12854
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Michael
Darryl?! Hey. Hi. Where's Darryl?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12855
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Roy
He's in the office.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12856
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Michael
OK, Hey, man, how's it going?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12857
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Darryl
All right, what's up Mike?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12858
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Michael
That's great, OK. Um, so did you get an email from me?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12859
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Darryl
Yup.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12860
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Michael
OK. Well, that was supposed to go to Packer, not 'packaging.' Did you already, um, forward to a whole bunch of people?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12861
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Darryl
Uh huh.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12862
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Michael
OK. Um, well, did you get the second email that I sent? Explaining that the first email was a mistake and that you should delete it.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12863
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Darryl
Yup.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12864
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Michael
And you sent that out to everyone?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12865
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Darryl
Mike, I'm very busy down here.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12866
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Jim
Yikes.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12867
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Kevin
Already sent it to you my friend.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12868
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Jim
Fantastic.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12869
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Andy
Boring. Call me if she rolls over.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12870
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Pam
Hey.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12871
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Jim
Hey.
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12872
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Pam
You OK?
Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12873