Every quote from The Office season 2, episode 7, in script order. First aired November 8, 2005.
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Michael
Pam, it's Michael. I need you to go into my office and check some data for me.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4291
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Pam
Ok, you want me to read 'em?
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4292
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Michael
Yes.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4293
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Pam
Ok. Um, a fisherman is walking down Fifth Avenue walking an animal behind him-
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4294
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Michael
No.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4295
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Pam
When-
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4296
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Michael
Nope. Told it. Not as good as you think. Pick another one.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4297
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Pam
Ok. There's a transcript between a naval ship-
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4298
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Michael
Oh ho ho, yea! Bingo! And a lighthouse. Yes. That is hysterical. Could you start that one from the beginning?
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4299
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Pam
Sure. There's a transcript between a naval ship and a lighthouse.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4300
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Jim
Is this real?
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4301
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Pam
It is a screenplay. Starring himself.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4302
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Jim
Agent Michael Scarn.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4303
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Pam
Of the FBI.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4304
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Jim
How long is this? Oh, Pam. Good work! Oop, wait, stop. Drawings.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4305
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Pam
What is that?
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4306
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Jim
Oh, those are drawings. In case the writing didn't really put a picture in your head. And there he is, in the flesh, Agent Michael Scarn. Now we know what he looks like.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4307
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Michael
First guy says 'Well, I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn'. And the second guy says, 'Well, I am a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort'. And the third guy says 'I gotcha both beat, I'm a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe'.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4308
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Christian
Ohhh no! Oh my God, that's funny! I almost had Awesome Blossom coming out of my nose!
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4309
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Jan
Excuse me, could I have a vodka tonic, please?
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4310
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Jim
Do we all have our copy of 'Threat Level: Midnight', by Michael Scott?
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4311
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Everyone
Yeah, yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4312
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Jim
Alright, let's get this started. I'm gonna be reading the action descriptions, and Phyllis, I would like you to play Catherine Zeta Jones.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4313
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Phyllis
That's the character's name?
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4314
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Jim
Oh yeah-
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4315
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Dwight
Ok, you guys should not be doing this.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4316
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Jim
Why not, Dwight? This is a movie. I mean, this is for all of America to enjoy.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4317
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Dwight
You took something that doesn't belong to you.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4318
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Jim
Dwight-
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4319
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Dwight
Brought it in here-
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4320
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Jim
Do you want to play-
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4321
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Dwight
Made copies of it-
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4322
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Jim
The lead role of Agent Michael Scarn?
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4323
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Michael
Yum! Yum yum yum! That's delicious! I love it!
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4324
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Jan
We would probably be upset with ourselves if we went this whole night without talking business, so, Dunder-Mifflin can provide a level of personal service to the county that the warehouse chains just can't match.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4325
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Christian
Well, we are out to save money.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4326
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Jan
What's the bottom line?
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4327
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Michael
Bop! Be blah bop, be boo boo bop.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4328
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Michael
That's why I wanted a signal, between us, so that I wouldn't have to just shout non-sense words. That's her fault.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4329
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Michael
Did somebody say 'baby back ribs'? Hmmm? Hmmmmm?
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4330
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Jan
I don't think Christian has time for that.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4331
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Christian
I have time.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4332
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Michael
I want my baby back, baby back, baby back
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4333
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Michael and Christian
I want my baby back, baby back, baby back-
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4334
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Michael
Chili's baby back ribs...
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4335
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Jim
Inside the FBI, Agent Michael Scarn sits with his feet up on his desk. Catherine Zeta Jones enters.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4336
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Phyllis
Sir, you have some messages.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4337
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Dwight
Not now!
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4338
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Phyllis
They're important.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4339
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Dwight
Ok, what are they?
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4340
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Phyllis
First message is: 'I love you'. That's from me.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4341
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Dwight
Not in a thousand years, Catherine. We work together. And get off my desk!
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4342
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Dwight
Yes, I have acted before. I was in a production of 'Oklahoma' in the seventh grade. I played the part of Mutey the Mailman. They had too many kids, so they made up roles like that. I was good.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4343
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Dwight
If it isn't my old partner, Samuel L. Chang.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4344
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Ryan
Agent Michael Scarn, you lost some weight.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4345
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Dwight
Thank you for noticing. Now keep me company for one more mission.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4346
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Pam
Hey, uh, I have to work late.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4347
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Roy
You're joking right?
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4348
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Jim
Michael Scarn takes out a nine-millimeter gun and shoots the-
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4349
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Dwight
Pow! Pow! Pow!
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4350
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Ryan
Hahaha, Agent Michael Scarn, you so funny. Word.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4351
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Kevin
Michael's movie? Two thumbs down. Heh.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4352
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Jim
A man sitting several seats down, who has a gold face, turns to Michael Scarn. Uh... Ooh, Oscar, you wanna play Goldenface?
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4353
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Oscar
Mr. Scarn, perhaps you would be more comfortable in my private jet?
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4354
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Dwight
Yes, perhaps I would, Goldenface. Sam, get my luggage.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4355
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Ryan
I forget it, brutha.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4356
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Dwight
Samuel, you are such an idiot, you are the worst assistant ever. And you're disgusting, Dwigt. Wait, who's Dwigt?
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4357
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Pam
Here's what we think happened. Michael's sidekick, who all through the movie is this complete idiot who's causing the downfall of the United States, was originally named Dwight. But then Michael changed it to Samuel L. Chang using a search and replace, but that doesn't work on misspelled words, leaving behind one Dwigt. And Dwight figured it out. Oops.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4358
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Dwight
D-W-I-G-H-T.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4359
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Dwight
Ok, you know what? I am done with this. That's it, the end.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4360
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Jim
Well, some of us wanna keep reading, so-
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4361
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Dwight
Uh, you don't speak for everyone, Jim. Ok, announcement. My uncle bought me some fireworks. Anyone who wants to see a real show, come with me outside now.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4362
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Jim
That's actually a good idea. We'll all take a brief intermission. Hey, are you hungry?
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4363
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Pam
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4364
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Jim
Yeah?
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4365
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Christian
So after watching my mom go through so much pain, I decided to keep that promise, that I made to her, and take care of her.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4366
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Michael
Woo, well, this brings us to Jan. Truth or Dare? Tell us about your divorce. Ohh, ohh.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4367
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Jan
Oh no, Michael, Michael, please. No, really.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4368
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Michael
Oh, so you're not gonna play? She's not playing.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4369
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Christian
It's not fair.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4370
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Michael
She's not playing the game.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4371
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Jan
We'd been fighting for a while-
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4372
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Michael
Check please.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4373
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Jan
He didn't want kids, but I knew that going into it. But he also knew that I did. I guess I thought that he would change his mind; he thought that I would change mine.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4374
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Christian
You didn't.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4375
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Jan
I was stupid.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4376
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Michael and Christian
No.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4377
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Michael
No, you were not stupid. Gould was stupid. Right?
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4378
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Christian
That's right.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4379
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Michael
You know?
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4380
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Christian
You were really brave! You, you put your arms out there, you slit your wrists.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4381
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Michael
It's true.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4382
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Christian
You said 'World, this is my blood! It's red, just like yours. So love me!'
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4383
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Jim
I had plans to meet a friend tonight. Which I had to cancel. But this is cool, too. I'm not a complainer.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4384
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Jim
Wow.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4385
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Pam
For the bugs.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4386
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Jim
Nice. That's excellent, because bugs love my famous grilled cheese sandwich.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4387
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Pam
Yes... nice! I can't remember the last time someone made me dinner.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4388
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Christian
Right down the street?
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4389
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Michael
Uh huh, Kenneth Road, born and raised. Spent my whole life right here in Lackawanna County and I do not intend on movin'. I know this place. I know how many hospitals we have, I know how many schools we have. It's home, you know? I know the challenges this county's up against. Here's the thing about those discount suppliers. They don't care. They come in, they undercut everything, and they run us out of business, and then, once we're all gone, they jack up the prices.
Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4390