Michael

Let's think this through. If we ask Corporate for that then...

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7613

Dwight

They are either going to say yes... or no.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7614

Michael

Could go either way. We don't know what they are going to say.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7615

Dwight

Think it through.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7616

Michael

Have to think it through. Because if they say no...

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7617

Jim

Can we not?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7618

Michael

No! Yes, we have to! You know why? Because I don't like to be cooped up in that office! In that box! All day long. Heisman! Because I need to think. Okay, Jim? Oh, Kevin, oh! Nice catch. Mmmm, mmm, mmm,mmm. Os-car! Intercepted.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7619

Jim

Still want that.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7620

Michael

Give it to me. Phyllis, give me the ball. Ok, give me the ball. Give me, you guys... Creed give me the ball! Right now give it to me.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7621

Creed

Ryan!

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7622

Dwight

Fumble! Yaaah!

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7623

Michael

Hey, Dwight.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7624

Dwight

Hut! Hut! Hut! Hike!

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7625

Michael

You all right Ryan?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7626

Dwight

Ryan.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7627

Ryan

Yeah.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7628

Michael

Pam!

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7629

Dwight

Ooh. They're having a sale on TiVo. Maybe I should get a TiVo. Oh. DVD Burner! Maybe I should get one of those. You are so lucky, Jim. You are so lucky you don't have this problem. What was the 9th place prize again? A loaf of bread?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7630

Jim

Cugino's pizza.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7631

Dwight

Oh, great. Tasty, terrific pizza. Hmm. Question: Do their pizzas play DVDs?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7632

Jim

Dwight was the top salesman of the year at our company. He wins a little prize money and gets honored at some convention. It is literally the highest possible honor that a Northeastern Pennsylvania-Based Mid-size Paper Company Regional Salesman can attain, so...

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7633

Jim

What did I do to deserve this?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7634

Pam

Are you sad that Dwight beat you?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7635

Jim

No.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7636

Pam

Are you going to cry, Jim? Do you need a tissue?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7637

Phyllis

Hey, I heard you got a wedding dress. Do you have pictures?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7638

Pam

Oh! I... uh... yeah. Um... I'll uh show them to you later.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7639

Phyllis

Oh.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7640

Jim

Oh, I should get back. Talk to you guys later.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7641

Pam

Ok, cool.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7642

Pam

I have a ton of stuff to do for the wedding. And I have to do it in the office. And that can be kind of awkward. Um... just because people can get all weird about wedding stuff. Then... I just... I don't want to offend... Angela... or someone.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7643

Michael

That's what she said!

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7644

Dwight

Ha! I don't get it.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7645

Michael

Grapes. Seductive. So you ready for the big speech this afternoon?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7646

Dwight

Well, it's not really a big speech. You still coming right?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7647

Michael

Oh! Abso-fruit-ly. Fruit. Grapes. Nailed the joke. Matter of time. Um... And yes, it is a big speech. Biggest of your life.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7648

Michael

Speaker at the Sales Convention. Been there, done that. Went there again, did it again. Two years in a row. Consecutive. I just... I miss the feeling of knowing that you did a good job because someone gives you proof of it. Sir, you're awesome! Here's a plaque. What, a whole year has gone by and you need more proof? Here's a certificate. They stopped making plaques that year.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7649

Dwight

What if I give a really long, extended Thank You. For instance, 'Thank you, Mr. Blank. Thank you very, very, very...'

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7650

Michael

That would look terrible. These are mostly salesmen and salesmen expect to be entertained and you are the main act.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7651

Dwight

When I was in the sixth grade, I was a finalist in our school Spelling Bee. It was me against Raj Patel. And I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word 'failure'.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7652

Dwight

I can't do this.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7653

Michael

That's because you're incapable of doing it because you don't know how. Because you have no skills. Dwight, there's no way I can possibly teach you what you need to know about public speaking by speech time.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7654

Dwight

Oh, okay.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7655

Michael

But I can teach you enough so that you don't embarrass me or the company.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7656

Dwight

Okay, deal! I'll do whatever you say. No questions asked.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7657

Michael

Well, if you have a question, you should ask me.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7658

Dwight

I'll try and think of one. When...

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7659

Michael

Don't. Don't try and think of a question to humor me. Just... try not to be such an idiot.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7660

Dwight

Is that an insult or is that part of the public speaking advice?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7661

Michael

Insult.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7662

Pam

Mom, I'm sorry. I know you and Dad are chipping in for the wedding but I do not want orange invitations. Yes! Well, if you really want my...

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7663

Jim

Hi, yeah, can I talk to one of your travel agents?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7664

Jim

I'm going to take a trip. I'm going to get out of town for a while... and go someplace... not here.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7665

Jim

Where do I want to go? Um... that is an excellent question. And one I should have probably thought about before I called you. Um...

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7666

Oscar

I get here early every morning so I can set the thermostat. I like it a little cooler, around 66 degrees. I'm more productive. Maybe some people don't like it as cold as I do, but I don't care.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7667

Michael

But seriously, what's the difference between a salesman and a saleswoman?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7668

Dwight

Saleswoman has a vagina.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7669

Michael

It's a joke, Dwight. It's not a Sex Ed class.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7670

Dwight

But I'm right?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7671

Michael

Yeah, you're right about the difference between a man and a woman, but not about the punch line to the joke, right? The difference between a salesman and a saleswoman... is boobs!

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7672

Dwight

Hey. Do you remember the speeches that you gave?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7673

Michael

I do. Both of them.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7674

Dwight

Could I have a copy of one of them?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7675

Michael

No, no! They would remember them. Look, it doesn't matter what you say. It just matters that you're saying something that people care about. Yeah? All right? Here we go. Watch this.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7676

Michael

Attention everybody! Attention please! I have some very great news from Corporate. We had a wonderful quarter and as a result all of you are getting bonuses for 1000 dollars!

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7677

Dwight

Yeah!

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7678

Michael

Congratulations.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7679

Phyllis

Unbelievable.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7680

Michael

You see that? You see how they responded to me? In that moment, I had them.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7681

Dwight

That is so great about the bonus!

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7682

Michael

No, no! It's not true. I was just talking so just go out there and say anything. They'll eat it up. They're a great audience.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7683

Stanley

Go ahead. Get the wallpaper. Wallpaper the ceiling if you want. Call Terri and tell her she...

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7684

Phyllis

It's unbelievable!

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7685

Dwight

Excuse me! May I have your attention please? There has been an accident on 84 West. Cars have skidded off the road into the safety railing. Several cars have flipped. There is broken glass everywhere. Several people are injured.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7686

Pam

Do we know anyone who was in the accident?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7687

Dwight

Brad Pitt. Also there will be no bonuses.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7688

Stanley

Why would this affect our bonuses?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7689

Dwight

They are unrelated.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7690

Kelly

Is Brad okay?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7691

Dwight

He will never act again. Also, this branch is closing.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7692

Oscar

What the hell is going on here?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7693

Angela

Are we out of jobs?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7694

Dwight

Yes.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7695

Kelly

This is karma because of what he did to Jennifer Aniston.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7696

Michael

He's kidding. Dwight was kidding and I don't know why because it wasn't funny... and it was just horrible.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7697

Stanley

Michael?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7698

Michael

Yeah.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7699

Stanley

You said we were getting bonuses.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7700

Michael

All right. Everybody in the conference room now. Let's go. Let's do it.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7701

Stanley

Cancel wallpaper.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7702

Michael

As your leader and your friend, I sort of demand that you can all speak in public as I can... and did... twice. You saw the plaque, right? All right. We're all going to go around the room and we're going to make toasts. And that way, we will overcome our fear of public speaking.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7703

Pam

You mean Toastmasters?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7704

Michael

Pam! I'm public speaking. Stop public interrupting me. Actually, this would be good practice for your wedding toast.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7705

Pam

Yeah, the bride doesn't really do... Have you ever been to a wedding?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7706

Jim

Can I go?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7707

Michael

Yes. Good. Jim taking the initiative.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7708

Jim

So. Uh... I am going on a trip. But not really sure where I'm going yet. It's kind of open-ended. So I was hoping maybe you guys would have some suggestions?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7709

Kevin

You should go to Hedonism.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7710

Jim

What is that?

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7711

Kevin

It's like Club Med, but everything is naked.

Season 2 · Episode 17 · Line 7712

"Dwight's Speech" Quotes