Every line from The Office season 2, episode 16, in script order. First aired February 9, 2006.
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Craig
What? You like Jan? How can you
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7463
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Michael
Maybe because she's my girlfriend. Was, or not my girlfriend. She's... we hooked up and...
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7464
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Josh
You hooked up with Jan?
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7465
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Michael
You know, months ago, just once, It's, just stupid. Just forget it,
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7466
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Josh
Yeah, let's change the subject.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7467
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Michael
Yeah, yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7468
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Kelly
I don't know what he's thinking, but I would just be so psyched if we just dated forever.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7469
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Jim
Take it slow. 'Cause it seems like a lot of the time things like that need...
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7470
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Ryan
Soda.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7471
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Kelly
Cool. Hey, so... do you want to... do something tonight? Or...
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7472
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Jim
Oh, no, not while I'm here.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7473
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Kelly
I mean, I know it's Valentine's Day, or whatever, but there's totally no pressure at all, of any kind. What so ever. So...
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7474
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Ryan
I can't tonight. I have plans with my friends.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7475
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Kelly
OK, That's cool. I completely understand.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7476
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Ryan
Cool. Cool. OK.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7477
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Jan
Josh Porter, Stamford.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7478
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David
David
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7479
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Josh
Nice to meet you.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7480
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Jan
And Michael Scott, Scranton.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7481
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David
Nice to meet you.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7482
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Michael
Ditto. How are you Jan?
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7483
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Jan
Fine Michael. Thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7484
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David
OK. So we are in the process of doing a complete review of the company's financial strengths. All I'd like to do today is to...
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7485
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Jan
Nervous, no I'm not nervous. Well, I guess I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little nervous. Umm, the new CFO is judging me on this too, and well, it is Michael, so. Yeah, I'm very nervous.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7486
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Josh
So with the twelve new local accounts, we had a total of four percent organic growth, which was just above our pre-year targets.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7487
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David
Thanks very much.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7488
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Josh
Thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7489
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David
OK, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7490
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Michael
What is a business? Is it a collection of numbers and sales reports? Sure. But as you know, David and Jan, it is much more.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7491
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Michael
Life moves a little slower in Scranton, Pennsylvania. And that's the way we like it. Because at Dunder Mifflin Scranton, we're not just in the paper business, we're in the people business. Let's meet some of the folks that make the Scranton branch so special. This is Stanley Hudson, one of our talented salesman. An African-American father of two, Stanley's dedication is no doubt one of the hallmark's of the foundation of the business we're hoping to build our bases on.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7492
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Michael
Yeah, I shot a bunch of footage around the office, edited it together on my Mac. I was thinking of entering it into some festivals. Probably won't. You know, not what this is about.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7493
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Michael
And finally, Pam Beesly. Look at her. Look how cute. Not bad at all. As the receptionist, Pam is truly the gateway to our world. Well, I hope this gave you a little taste of what life is like here at Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. What it's like to walk a mile in Oscar's shoes. Or try on Phyllis' pants. Maybe even one of Angela's famous brownies. And you'll know, that you're home.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7494
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Michael
Questions?
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7495
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David
Wow. OK, OK, thank you Michael, that was great.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7496
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Michael
Yes, thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7497
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David
But, for right now what, I would really like to know about is the branch's performance, so do you have that information as well?
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7498
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Michael
Yes, absolutely David. Get that for you. I umm...
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7499
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Delivery man
Can you sign?
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7500
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Pam
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7501
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Pam
Oscar.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7502
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Angela
Nothing for me?
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7503
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Pam
Join the club.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7504
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Kevin
Whose it from?
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7505
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Oscar
My mom.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7506
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Kelly
It's frustrating, because we'd be so perfect together.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7507
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Jim
You know what? Here's the deal, Kelly. It would be really nice if he was in to you, right? It'd be great, but he isn't.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7508
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Kelly
Yeah, it would be so great if he was.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7509
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Jim
Well, he's not, though. So you just gotta suck it up. You just gotta move on. Try to have some fun. Come to my poker game tonight.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7510
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Kelly
Okay, cool. Is it okay if I invite Ryan?
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7511
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Dan
And that about does it, thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7512
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Jan
OK. Craig,
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7513
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Craig
Yeah. Here's the deal. I did not understand this was supposed to be a full on... like report or whatnot.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7514
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Jan
Um, I'm sorry, what did you think financial presentation meant?
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7515
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Craig
I was under the impression this was, more of like... a meet and greet type deal.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7516
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David
So, does that mean you don't have the numbers on your branch?
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7517
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Craig
That is correct, yes.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7518
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Jan
Craig, you realize that we're trying to decide whether if drastic steps need to be taken?
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7519
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Craig
Look, I'm sorry, I didn't know.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7520
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Jan
Well, the point is, is that doesn't exactly bode well for your branch.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7521
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Craig
Oh man, you know what? Michael made that stupid movie, he doesn't get into any trouble? Maybe I should have slept with you, too.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7522
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Michael
Oh, ok. Alright.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7523
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Jan
NO, NO I'm not, I'm not, I just... I just don't know what to do anymore, Michael. I mean, we're all gonna get fired.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7524
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Michael
No you're not.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7525
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Jan
Yeah, Michael - the CFO thinks that we slept together. Do you understand, people get fired for much less? And I just can't believe that you told everybody and we didn't even sleep together.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7526
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Michael
Technically, we fell asleep in the same bed. So...
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7527
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Jan
Oh, God. Michael. It was months ago. It was once, It's over. Do you understand?
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7528
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Michael
Yes. I'm sorry. I will fix this. I'll talk to him. I'll talk to David.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7529
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Jan
Surely, you cannot be serious?
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7530
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Michael
I am serious. And don't call me Shirley. Airplane.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7531
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Dwight
Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. You have to snare it. And then you have to tame it. Keep it happy. Care for it. Feed it. Lovingly, the way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7532
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Roy
Hey babe.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7533
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Pam
Hey.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7534
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Roy
You almost ready to go?
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7535
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Pam
I guess, yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7536
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Roy
What's wrong?
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7537
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Pam
Nothing, it's just I had to sit here all day, while Phyllis got like an entire garden delivered to her.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7538
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Roy
What, you're mad at me?
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7539
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Pam
I mean, I know that we said no big gifts, but I was kind of hoping you'd get me
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7540
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Roy
Well, Valentine's Day isn't over. Let's get you home and you are gonna get the best sex of you life.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7541
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David
You understand this is a very serious situation.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7542
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Michael
No no no no no, yes I, OK, well, alright, here's the deal. It's my fault. This is, this is totally on me. Before you guys came in, I was talking to the guys. We were all chatting and I made a joke, a really dumb joke and Craig the idiot took it seriously.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7543
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David
You made a joke?
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7544
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Michael
I did, it was stupid. And Craig, you saw him, he's not the sharpest tool in the shed. Although he is a tool.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7545
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David
Well I don't need to explain to you that even a joke about sexual relations with your boss...
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7546
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Michael
I know. It was borderline at best and... And Jan is a fantastic executive and has all the integrity in the world and um, I'm really sorry. It will never happen again.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7547
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Jan
Uh, that's fine. Let's just forget it.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7548
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David
Good.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7549
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Pam
Heading out?
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7550
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Jim
Yeah. Alright, Beesly, Hey, Happy Valentine's Day.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7551
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Pam
Bye.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7552
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Phyllis
Goodnight Pam.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7553
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Pam
Night Phyllis.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7554
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Jan
Oh, Michael. Thank you again for that, really. It was very nice.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7555
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Michael
Oh, no big deal. Really. Sorry again.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7556
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Jan
Oh, no, it's OK. So, uh, Happy valentine's Day.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7557
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Michael
Yeah, Happy Valentine's Day.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7558
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Jan
Oh.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7559
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Michael
Oy vey... schmear.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7560
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Michael
Everybody, hello, can I have your attention, please? Since it's Valentine's Day, there's something that I wanted to say. I love the women of this office. Pam, I love you.
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7561
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Pam
Michael's got a few tricks for Valentine's Day. He found a place where you can get 12 plastic roses for $10 and he's got a great line. 'Me so thorny.'
Season 2 · Episode 16 · Line 7562