Worker

No it wasn't.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1452

Michael

Yes, it was. You know what, I'm just being fair.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1453

Worker

Oh, really? No, I just put my arm up...

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1454

Michael

Game over. Game over. That is it! I'm sorry, you know? I hate to do it this way but, you know, that's just... we're having a friendly game. It's a shame. This is a damn shame, but we're like a family here and that just, that won't fly.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1455

Angela

This is a cold pack...

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1456

Dwight

Here, give me that. You have to break the interior bag.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1457

Michael

Thanks Dwight.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1458

Lonny

Wait, what does that mean? What is it, a tie? What's going on?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1459

Michael

Well, let's just say whoever was ahead won.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1460

Darryl

That was you.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1461

Michael

It was us? Really? I didn't, I didn't know. Great, I mean, I guess you guys are working Saturday. Your face.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1462

Roy

No, no, no, I'm not coming in on Saturday.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1463

Darryl

Yeah, this isn't happening.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1464

Michael

Um... well, you guys, you know, I'm the boss so...

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1465

Lonny

So what's that? We're coming in on Monday, right?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1466

Michael

Hey, hey...

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1467

Lonny

Monday?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1468

Michael

You guys believed me? Come on. Dogs, you know, you should know me better than that. No, oh, do you think that would've been good for morale? No. No. No. Exactly, no. I'm embarrassed it was even that close though. So... nah, of course, we're coming in Saturday. Good game. Word.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1469

Jim

...so I talked to the scout, it looks good.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1470

Pam

Mmm-hmm.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1471

Jim

I didn't sign anything.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1472

Roy

Hey baby.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1473

Pam

Hey.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1474

Roy

Look at Larry Bird. Larry Legend.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1475

Pam

Yeah, he's, uh, pretty good, huh? Let's get you into a tub.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1476

Roy

Yeah? Let's get you into a tub.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1477

Michael

Hey, what a game, huh? What a game.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1478

Oscar

What time do we have to come in?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1479

Michael

Come on. Let's not be gloomy here man. We're all in this together. We're a team. You know what? Screw corporate, nobody's coming in tomorrow. You have the day off. Like coming in an extra day is gonna prevent us from being downsized. Have a good weekend.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1480

Michael

The great thing about sports is that it is all about character. And you can learn lessons about life even if you don't win. But we did because we were ahead.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1481

Michael

Pam, Pam, thank you ma'am. Messages, please. Thank you.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1482

Pam

New pants?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1483

Michael

Uh, yes. Thank you for noticing.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1484

Pam

Abercrombie & Fitch?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1485

Michael

Uh, they look that good? Wow. Oh, Pam please behave. Mike Myers, genius. Um, no actually I got them at a fancier place. Target.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1486

Dwight

Michael, could I talk to you for a second, please?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1487

Michael

Uh...

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1488

Dwight

In your office? You know that is why you have an assistant regional manager.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1489

Michael

Yes, yes. Assistant to the regional manager.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1490

Dwight

Same thing.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1491

Michael

No, it's not. It's lower.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1492

Dwight

It's close.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1493

Michael

What was that?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1494

Dwight

What?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1495

Michael

That look?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1496

Dwight

What look?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1497

Michael

Like trying to find the camera, to give the camera a look. Okay, we're done. Is that your stomach? I keep hearing somebody's stomach. God.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1498

Michael

So, you uh, see the Sixers game last night?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1499

Darryl

Yeah.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1500

Michael

Oww whoo whoo! The Answer was on fire!

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1501

Darryl

Iverson. Yeah, always man. It's very important.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1502

Michael

Oh, man! Man I tell ya. Iverson has maybe got me beat by like 20 pounds, 3 inches.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1503

Roy

What? Iverson's not fat.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1504

Michael

No, neither am I. We both look good.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1505

Michael

Do I have a nickname on the court, um? Well, The Answer would be nice, but it's taken. So, uh, probably The Question. The Answer dishes to The Question. The Question back to The Answer. Answer over to The Question. The Answer, whew, three points. The Question, whew, whew, six points. Nothing but net. Question, who's the best player in the league? Answer, The Question. Or the Drunkmeister.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1506

Kevin

I can't work Saturday.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1507

Dwight

Please, have a seat. Okay, why not?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1508

Kevin

I'm in a band.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1509

Dwight

Marching or garage?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1510

Kevin

It's a Steve Miller Tribute Band.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1511

Dwight

I tell you what. You give me a tape of your band and a tape of the Steve Miller Band and I'll get back to you. That is all.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1512

Todd Packer

Mello.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1513

Michael

Packer. Pac-man.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1514

Todd Packer

Whoa. Hey.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1515

Michael

Pac-man

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1516

Todd Packer

Is this Michael Scott? My secret lover. My intercom, I told you never to call me here. Never!

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1517

Michael

I'm not your lover! I'm am not Michael Scott, I am Dr. Bergerstein. Your proctologist.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1518

Todd Packer

Bergerstein!

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1519

Michael

Ah, yes. Ah.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1520

Todd Packer

Bergerstein!

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1521

Michael

It's not a Jewish joke, so don't worry.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1522

Todd Packer

I want my money back you greedy Hebrew. Bergerstein!

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1523

Michael

No, hey, hey , hey. You know what I just wanted to remind you about the game today. One 'o clock. Big game, big game.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1524

Todd Packer

I can't make it.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1525

Michael

Mmm. No, you said you could man. We're counting on ya. You know you're playing point guard.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1526

Todd Packer

I... I'm not coming.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1527

Michael

No. Hey... I mean, although it's just for fun, you know we want... I was counting on you man.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1528

Todd Packer

Oh, God! Stop whining. You know, you only come to the pick up game once a year. You little bitch. All right, yup. Hey, okay. No problem, you know, best you can do. Hey, you know. Hey, nice talking to you too. All right take care. Michael Scoot. That's funny. He's a good friend.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1529

Dwight

Mmm. Good. Mmm.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1530

Angela

They're one per person.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1531

Dwight

Would you like to have a vacation this year? That's what I thought. Mmm, delicious.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1532

Pam

Well, I though we were saving money for the wedding, but apparently Roy thought it was more important to buy two WaveRunners. I don't really ever get to use the other WaveRunner that's supposed to be mine because his brother uses it and they race.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1533

Dwight

Jim, you're the new schedule guy, huh?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1534

Jim

I'm trying, yup.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1535

Dwight

Yeah, I hear that. You know what? This little baby might come in handy.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1536

Jim

Great, thanks.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1537

Dwight

On one condition. You...

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1538

Jim

Forget it. It's just a dry erase board.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1539

Dwight

Oh, no it's not. Okay, check it out.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1540

Jim

Okay, that's insanely complicated and the first thing I'm going to do is erase it.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1541

Dwight

No, you're not because I spent hours on it.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1542

Jim

Well, then keep it.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1543

Dwight

Okay, I will. Okay, fine. You'll be back.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1544

Michael

I... I think you can play. Like you could when you were a kid. I think you can never give up the play. Because if people stop playing, then they stop living. It's like a shark. If a shark stops playing he stops living. And sharks are very playful creatures.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1545

Angela

I'm the safety officer, not you.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1546

Dwight

Isn't that crazy? I'm a Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy. Lackawanna County says that it's okay for me to perform CPR, but for Michael my lips aren't qualified enough for his perfect little face. It's nuts.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1547

Angela

Is that really necessary?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1548

Dwight

I've almost had my nose broken a dozen times.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1549

Michael

You know what. I think most basketball movies are great movies. Because it's a great subject. There's one about a little kid who, um, joins a professional basketball team and he's really, really good and he can dunk and he's like 3 feet tall. And he can dunk the ball. That, oh, I love that movie. That movie kind of, that movie makes me cry. I don't like to cry on camera, but that movie makes me cry. Um, because it touches a cord in me about hoops. Short, short, short! And basketball is like jazz, you know. To like pertipify it there's a jazz musician, a guy, you know... if you know jazz you know who I mean. He's uh, God what was his name? Um, he plays one of those curly horns, like those really shiny curly horns that's used in jazz a lot.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1550

Warehouse Worker

Let's go Lonny.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1551

"Basketball" Quotes (page 3)