"Basketball" Quotes

Every quote from The Office season 1, episode 5, in script order. First aired April 19, 2005.

312 quotes · page 1 of 4

Michael

[to Jim]: Hey, you ready?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1252
Michael

All right, all right, secret sign. Hey, Ryan. Very good. Excellent, excellent.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1253
Dwight

Michael!

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1254
Michael

Today at lunchtime we're going to be playing the warehouse staff at a friendly little game of basketball. My idea. Last time I was down there, I noticed they'd put up a couple of hoops, and I play basketball every weekend. So I thought, 'This might be kinda fun.' And so I started messing around and... I'm sinking a few, you know. Swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans! So... you know, it's really just a good friendly game, a reason to get together.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1255
Michael

Pam, Pam, thank you ma'am. Messages, please. Thank you.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1256
Dwight

Michael, can I talk to you, please? Privately? In your office? I think I should be on the team.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1257
Michael

No. And that's not me being mean, Dwight. That is based on your past behavior.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1258
Dwight

Oh, please.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1259
Michael

When I let him come to my pick-up game...

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1260
Dwight

I apologized for that.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1261
Michael

I vouched for you.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1262
Dwight

Michael, I...

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1263
Michael

I vouched for you in front of Todd Packer, Dwight. All right, here's what I'm going to do. The hand strikes and gives a flower. You are not going to play basketball. But I need somebody to come in and take over the holiday and weekend work calendar.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1264
Dwight

I can handle that.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1265
Michael

Good. Excellent, it'll be fun. Because corporate, uh, wants someone to be here on Saturday. And so we're going to have to have some people come in on the weekend, and I know nobody's gonna want to do it and I know everybody's gonna complain and bitch and I don't want to have to deal with that.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1266
Dwight

And that's why you have an assistant regional manager.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1267
Michael

Yes it is. Assistant to the regional manager.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1268
Dwight

Same thing.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1269
Michael

No, it's not. It's lower, so...

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1270
Dwight

It's close.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1271
Dwight

So we need someone to work this Saturday and I think that, that should be...Jim.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1272
Jim

God, this is so sad. This is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to someone's head. Phyllis, can you believe this?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1273
Phyllis

Keep me out of it.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1274
Pam

My fiance has plans for us this Saturday. So I really hope that Dwight doesn't make me work. Maybe I should sleep with him? I'm kidding, kidding. Totally kidding.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1275
Michael

All right, managing by walking around. This is our warehouse. Or, as I like to call it, the whorehouse. But don't you call it that, I've earned the right.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1276
Ryan

Fine, don't worry about that.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1277
Michael

And here we have 'Mister Roger's Neighborhood.' Come on over here. Hey, this is Ryan. He's temping upstairs.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1278
Lonny

What's up?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1279
Michael

And this is the foreman. Mista Ra-jahs.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1280
Darryl

It's not my real name.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1281
Michael

No, it's Darryl. Darryl is Mista Ra-jahs.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1282
Ryan

Darryl Rogers?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1283
Darryl

Darryl Philbin. Then Regis, then Rege, then Roger, then Mister Rogers.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1284
Michael

And that is Lonny. And this is Roy. Roy dates Pam. You know, the uh, the best looking one upstairs.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1285
Ryan

Yeah, yeah.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1286
Michael

You still getting it regular man? Huh? I mean, I can tell her it's part of the job! Rapport!

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1287
Pam

No, no, I know that the warranty's expired, but isn't it supposed to last longer than two years if it isn't defective? OK, fine, three years.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1288
Jim

Pam gets a little down. Her toaster oven broke. Um, which she got at her engagement shower. Um, for a wedding that still has yet to be set... and that was three years ago.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1289
Michael

So, um, one o'clock sharp and we've got a game on.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1290
Darryl

We're loading at one.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1291
Michael

Oh, I see, you're chickening out on me. You're bailing on me.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1292
Darryl

No, we got a truck going out at 1:15. So, that's the busy time.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1293
Michael

Oh, well, I'm glad that some time is a busy time because whenever I'm down here it doesn't seem too busy to me. Oh, oh. You can dish it out, but you can't take it. OK, fine, have it your way.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1294
Darryl

All right, fine, you know what? One o'clock.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1295
Michael

All right, see you at one.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1296
Michael

Are we ready for the game?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1297
Everybody

Yeah.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1298
Michael

I... yeah, yeah. I know, grumble, grumble. But you would follow me to the ends of the earth, grumbling all the way. Like that, uh, dwarf from Lord of the Rings.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1299
Dwight

Gimli.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1300
Michael

Nerd. That is why you're not on the team.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1301
Dwight

Just trying to be helpful.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1302
Michael

Uh, 'I'll help, Elwyn Dragonslayer, uh, ten points, power sword.'

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1303
Jim

That's him.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1304
Michael

OK, so, let's put together a starting line-up, shall we? Stanley of course.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1305
Stanley

I'm sorry?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1306
Michael

Um, what do you play? Center?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1307
Stanley

Why 'of course'?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1308
Michael

Uh...

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1309
Stanley

What's that supposed to mean?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1310
Michael

Uh, I don't know. I don't remember saying that.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1311
Jim

Uh, I heard it.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1312
Michael

Well, people hear a lot of things, man. Um... other starters... Me, of course. I heard it that time.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1313
Phyllis

I'd like to play if it's just for fun. I played basketball in school.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1314
Michael

Um... Yeah. Who else? We have Jim. We have Ryan, the new guy, right? Untested. Willing to prove himself now. A lot of passion, a lot of heart.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1315
Ryan

But, I'm getting paid to skip lunch?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1316
Michael

Yes.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1317
Ryan

OK.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1318
Michael

Yes, this is business. The, uh, business of team building and morale boosting. Uh, who else?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1319
Oscar

I can help out, if you need me.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1320
Michael

I will use your talents come baseball season, my friend. Or if we box.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1321
Kevin

I have a hoop in my driveway.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1322
Michael

No.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1323
Phyllis

I have a sports bra.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1324
Michael

No, no, ridiculous.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1325
Dwight

Michael, look.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1326
Michael

Close. All right, uh... Me, Stan the man, Jim, Ryan and Dwight.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1327
Dwight

Yes!

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1328
Michael

Sorry Phyllis.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1329
Dwight

Can I be team captain?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1330
Michael

No, I'm team captain.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1331
Dwight

Can I be team manager?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1332
Michael

No, I am the team manager. You can be assistant to the team manager.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1333
Dwight

Assistant team manager?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1334
Michael

No.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1335
Dwight

OK, we'll see who's working this weekend then.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1336
Michael

Jim, you're in charge of the vacation schedule now.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1337
Jim

Oh my God.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1338
Michael

Threat neutralized.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1339
Michael

Off the backboard!

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1340
Pam

Please don't throw garbage at me.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1341
Michael

Oh, Pam with a zinger. Hey, Pam, how would you, like to be our cheerleader today? You know, some, ah, pigtails? A little, ah, halter top, you could tie that up. And you know, something a little, just, youthful, for a change. Just this once?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1342
Pam

I don't think so Michael. Besides, I can't cheer against my fiance.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1343
Jim

I'll do it. Wear a little flouncey skirt if you want, and...

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1344
Michael

Yeah, I bet you would. Just try not to be too gay on the court. And by gay I mean, um, you know, not in a homosexual way at all. I mean the uh, you know, like the bad-at-sports way. I think that goes without saying.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1345
Pam

Maybe Angela would cheerlead.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1346
Michael

Oh, yeah right.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1347
Phyllis

I'll do it.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1348
Michael

Oh, yuck, that's worse than you playing. ... 'Cause we need you as an alternate in case somebody gets hurt. That's where we need you. Blessed be those who sit and wait. You made it, suit up, you're on the team! All right, cool! Very good.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1349
Michael

Oh-oh. Oh-oh. A spy from the warehouse. Trying to figure out our plays, huh, man?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1350
Darryl

Just getting a tea bag.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1351