Pam

Sorry.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 471

Jim

That's fine.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 472

Jim

Uh... Not a bad day.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 473

Mr. Brown

Thanks for filling these out. I promise this will be quick. We only have about an hour.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 474

Michael

Yeah. I would like to see us erase 100 years of racism in an hour.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 475

Mr. Brown

Does this company have 100 years to erase?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 476

Michael

No, the country.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 477

Mr. Brown

Oh right, more like 200 years.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 478

Michael

Yeah, more like a 1,000.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 479

Mr. Brown

Okay, um. Uh, I'll try to make this quick.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 480

Dwight

I am a salesman, okay. And I don't think we should be doing this during prime sales hours. If you can prove to me that diversity is going to help my sales, I'll go elephant running with James Earl Jones. I really will, but not on spec.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 481

Mr. Brown

HERO, at Diversity Today, we believe it is very easy to be a HERO. All you need are honesty, empathy, respect and open-mindedness.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 482

Michael

I just think that HERO? It's cute, but it's... It's empty, you know? It's easy. Dwight, you know what, I came up with some terms of my own. Could you put these on the board? The first one is Inclusion, New Attitudes, Color-blind...

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 483

Mr. Brown

Oh, nice.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 484

Michael

Expectations....

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 485

Mr. Brown

Good.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 486

Michael

Thank you. Sharing...

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 487

Mr. Brown

Great.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 488

Michael

And tolerance.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 489

Mr. Brown

Beautiful.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 490

Pam

Um, that spells incest.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 491

Mr. Brown

Oh, my sorry. That is not appropriate.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 492

Michael

Well, it's not ideal but you have to give me some credit 'cause I made it into a word.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 493

Mr. Brown

Yeah, but it's not appropriate. This is not helpful as a memory aid.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 494

Michael

I will give you a number of reasons why it is, actually. Okay, first, incest is bad. Racism is bad. No brainer, right? Two, incest. We're all a family, right? We're all brothers and sisters. Racial message? Um? Number three, and this is a fact. The states where they have a lot of racism are the states where they have a lot of incest. Okay? And finally...

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 495

Mr. Brown

Okay, Michael, I just...

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 496

Michael

No, no, no, no, wait. Final one, final one this is important. The more we can encourage interracial dating as a society the further away we get from incest, literally.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 497

Pam

It would've been just as easy for him to spell insect. Of course, that wouldn't have made any sense either.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 498

Mr. Brown

Does anyone have anything else at all? Anyone besides Michael?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 499

Ryan

I have something.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 500

Mr. Brown

Yes, please.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 501

Ryan

Um, well I grew up here in Scranton and when I was a kid the guy who lived next door was a former baseball player, who actually played pro ball before the leagues were integrated. And he had the most incredible stories about...

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 502

Michael

Okay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry this guy's a temp and I should've told you that.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 503

Mr. Brown

No, no, no, no. An outsider's perspective would probably be pretty helpful.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 504

Michael

Yeah, but no, seriously. Uh, you know, he's not a member of the full staff so, uh, Ryan you wanna just step outside?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 505

Ryan

What do you want me to do?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 506

Michael

Well, maybe you should go down to the parking lot. You know what. Yes, go down to the parking lot and check to se if any of our guests have parked in the handicapped spots. Cool? 'Cause the handicaps get a raw deal. Oh, you know what. That ties right into New Attitudes. New attitudes about handicap people. Very important.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 507

Mr. Brown

I'm sorry, Michael. We're actually out of time.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 508

Pam

Yeah, um, there's good things about Michael. He uh, uh... Yeah, definitely. Um...

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 509

Michael

In this way, I can truly be a hero. Signed, Daffy Duck.' He's going to lose it when he reads that. Doh! Hogan! Not again, Hogan! Get Col. Burkhalter on the phone! I'm kind of a Hogan around here. And kind of, Jan is kind of Col. Burkhalter, then Dwight is Schultz. But, it's... Oh, God. We have fun. We have fun. 'Cause he's gonna be pissed. No doubt about it.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 510

Dwight

What you doing?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 511

Jim

Freecell.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 512

Dwight

Solitaire is a one-player game. It can't have two players.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 513

Jim

Well, I mean.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 514

Dwight

What's your win rate?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 515

Pam

Seventy-six percent. What's yours?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 516

Dwight

You're not allowed to play two-player. You need to start over.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 517

Pam

You're doing fine.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 518

Michael

Are we going? Don't do that. Just say action when we're ready.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 519

Dwight

Dunder Mifflin, Michael Scott, Diversity Tomorrow, take four. And action.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 520

Michael

Should I... turn, no. Do it again.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 521

Dwight

Diversity Tomorrow, take five. Action.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 522

Michael

Hi. I'm Michael Scott. I'm in charge of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products here in Scranton, Pennsylvania but I'm also the founder of Diversity Tomorrow, because today is almost over. Abraham Lincoln once said that, 'If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North.' And those are the principles... Damn it. Okay, sorry. Don't laugh; please don't laugh this time Dwight. You're... it's, it's bugging me. Let me give myself a countdown, ready? Three, two, one.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 523

Dwight

Take six.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 524

Michael

Just let me do it! God! Three, two, one. Hi. I'm Michael Scott. I'm in charge of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products here in Scranton... Keep the camera steady please! People are gonna get sea sick watching this. Ready? Three, two, one.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 525

Dwight

Action.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 526

Michael

Don't. Please don't say anything. Oh, God.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 527

Dwight

And action... Lights, camera, action. Whenever you're ready.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 528

Michael

Could I count myself down please, Dwight. Three, two, one. Hi. I'm Michael Scott. I'm in charge of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products here in Scranton, Pennsylvania but I'm also the founder of Diversity Tomorrow, because today is almost over. Abraham Lincoln once said that, 'If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North.' And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 529

Dwight

Cut.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 530

Michael

I want you to push it. I want you to push 'cause breakthroughs are right around the corner. Something's going to pop here. Something's going to pop between a party. Feel what it's like to be in someone else's skin. What does it feel like to be a different race? It feels pretty bad doesn't it. So let that come out.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 531

Michael

Yeah, I marched on Washington back in the day. I went to the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial, U.S. Mint, congressman talked to our class. It was pretty cool.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 532

Michael

Talk like you're talking to that race. I have a feeling that this could get kind of volatile. So keep it going.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 533

Jim

Um, what's going on here?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 534

Pam

People treat us like the race on our forehead. And then we guess what race we are.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 535

Jim

Ah, good. Good luck. Doing good.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 536

Dwight

Oh, man, am I a woman?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 537

Jim

Yes, yes.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 538

Dwight

God!

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 539

Jim

How embarrassing is it? That's not fair. Here...

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 540

Dwight

It's not fair.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 541

Jim

Try this.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 542

Dwight

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 543

Jim

Go get 'em.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 544

Dwight

Good. So, am I a hunter gather culture?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 545

Pam

No.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 546

Dwight

Do I live near a harbor or an ocean?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 547

Pam

No.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 548

Dwight

No, I'm an inland. Am I a mountainous?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 549

Pam

No.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 550

Dwight

Am I nomadic?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 551

Pam

No.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 552

Dwight

Okay, okay, okay, okay. I think I got this. Um, I am treated in a foreign way with a great deal of prejudice. Am I one of those tribes in Africa? The piggies, or whatever?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 553

Pam

No.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 554

Dwight

No. But I am, I am human, right?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 555

Dwight

I could be French.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 556

Dwight

Damn it, Jim! That's not funny, Jim!

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 557

Michael

Oh, okay. Here we go, breakthrough radar. What happened? What happened here?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 558

Pam

It didn't have anything to do with race.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 559

Michael

Okay, all right. Let's keep on track. Keep on point. Let's do it.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 560

Pam

One time we had an ethnic festival in Scranton. One time.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 561

Michael

Try my googi, googi. Try my googi, googi. Try my googi, googi. Try my... All right! All right! Yes! That was great, she gets it! Kelly thank you. She's not here, but she gets it. That's what we have been looking for. The whole time. Oh, man. This is what I thrive on. You know? It's like Don Rickles on acid, man. Right?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 562

Jim

Um, why did she slap Martin Luther King?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 563

Michael

What, huh?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 564

Pam

What card was she?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 565

Jim

I think she wasn't wearing a card.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 566

Michael

It's good. This is good. We got it happening now. All right? Let's keep it rolling. Let's round it up.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 567

"Diversity Day" Quotes (page 3)