Pam

Sorry.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 471

Jim

That's fine.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 472

Jim

Uh... Not a bad day.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 473

Mr. Brown

Thanks for filling these out. I promise this will be quick. We only have about an hour.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 474

Michael

Yeah. I would like to see us erase 100 years of racism in an hour.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 475

Mr. Brown

Does this company have 100 years to erase?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 476

Michael

No, the country.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 477

Mr. Brown

Oh right, more like 200 years.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 478

Michael

Yeah, more like a 1,000.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 479

Mr. Brown

Okay, um. Uh, I'll try to make this quick.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 480

Dwight

I am a salesman, okay. And I don't think we should be doing this during prime sales hours. If you can prove to me that diversity is going to help my sales, I'll go elephant running with James Earl Jones. I really will, but not on spec.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 481

Mr. Brown

HERO, at Diversity Today, we believe it is very easy to be a HERO. All you need are honesty, empathy, respect and open-mindedness.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 482

Michael

I just think that HERO? It's cute, but it's... It's empty, you know? It's easy. Dwight, you know what, I came up with some terms of my own. Could you put these on the board? The first one is Inclusion, New Attitudes, Color-blind...

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 483

Mr. Brown

Oh, nice.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 484

Michael

Expectations....

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 485

Mr. Brown

Good.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 486

Michael

Thank you. Sharing...

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 487

Mr. Brown

Great.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 488

Michael

And tolerance.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 489

Mr. Brown

Beautiful.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 490

Pam

Um, that spells incest.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 491

Mr. Brown

Oh, my sorry. That is not appropriate.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 492

Michael

Well, it's not ideal but you have to give me some credit 'cause I made it into a word.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 493

Mr. Brown

Yeah, but it's not appropriate. This is not helpful as a memory aid.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 494

Michael

I will give you a number of reasons why it is, actually. Okay, first, incest is bad. Racism is bad. No brainer, right? Two, incest. We're all a family, right? We're all brothers and sisters. Racial message? Um? Number three, and this is a fact. The states where they have a lot of racism are the states where they have a lot of incest. Okay? And finally...

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 495

Mr. Brown

Okay, Michael, I just...

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 496

Michael

No, no, no, no, wait. Final one, final one this is important. The more we can encourage interracial dating as a society the further away we get from incest, literally.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 497

Pam

It would've been just as easy for him to spell insect. Of course, that wouldn't have made any sense either.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 498

Mr. Brown

Does anyone have anything else at all? Anyone besides Michael?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 499

Ryan

I have something.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 500

Mr. Brown

Yes, please.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 501

Ryan

Um, well I grew up here in Scranton and when I was a kid the guy who lived next door was a former baseball player, who actually played pro ball before the leagues were integrated. And he had the most incredible stories about...

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 502

Michael

Okay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry this guy's a temp and I should've told you that.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 503

Mr. Brown

No, no, no, no. An outsider's perspective would probably be pretty helpful.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 504

Michael

Yeah, but no, seriously. Uh, you know, he's not a member of the full staff so, uh, Ryan you wanna just step outside?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 505

Ryan

What do you want me to do?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 506

Michael

Well, maybe you should go down to the parking lot. You know what. Yes, go down to the parking lot and check to se if any of our guests have parked in the handicapped spots. Cool? 'Cause the handicaps get a raw deal. Oh, you know what. That ties right into New Attitudes. New attitudes about handicap people. Very important.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 507

Mr. Brown

I'm sorry, Michael. We're actually out of time.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 508

Pam

Yeah, um, there's good things about Michael. He uh, uh... Yeah, definitely. Um...

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 509

Michael

In this way, I can truly be a hero. Signed, Daffy Duck.' He's going to lose it when he reads that. Doh! Hogan! Not again, Hogan! Get Col. Burkhalter on the phone! I'm kind of a Hogan around here. And kind of, Jan is kind of Col. Burkhalter, then Dwight is Schultz. But, it's... Oh, God. We have fun. We have fun. 'Cause he's gonna be pissed. No doubt about it.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 510

Dwight

What you doing?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 511

Jim

Freecell.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 512

Dwight

Solitaire is a one-player game. It can't have two players.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 513

Jim

Well, I mean.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 514

Dwight

What's your win rate?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 515

Pam

Seventy-six percent. What's yours?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 516

Dwight

You're not allowed to play two-player. You need to start over.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 517

Pam

You're doing fine.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 518

Michael

Are we going? Don't do that. Just say action when we're ready.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 519

Dwight

Dunder Mifflin, Michael Scott, Diversity Tomorrow, take four. And action.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 520

Michael

Should I... turn, no. Do it again.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 521

Dwight

Diversity Tomorrow, take five. Action.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 522

Michael

Hi. I'm Michael Scott. I'm in charge of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products here in Scranton, Pennsylvania but I'm also the founder of Diversity Tomorrow, because today is almost over. Abraham Lincoln once said that, 'If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North.' And those are the principles... Damn it. Okay, sorry. Don't laugh; please don't laugh this time Dwight. You're... it's, it's bugging me. Let me give myself a countdown, ready? Three, two, one.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 523

Dwight

Take six.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 524

Michael

Just let me do it! God! Three, two, one. Hi. I'm Michael Scott. I'm in charge of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products here in Scranton... Keep the camera steady please! People are gonna get sea sick watching this. Ready? Three, two, one.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 525

Dwight

Action.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 526

Michael

Don't. Please don't say anything. Oh, God.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 527

Dwight

And action... Lights, camera, action. Whenever you're ready.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 528

Michael

Could I count myself down please, Dwight. Three, two, one. Hi. I'm Michael Scott. I'm in charge of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products here in Scranton, Pennsylvania but I'm also the founder of Diversity Tomorrow, because today is almost over. Abraham Lincoln once said that, 'If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North.' And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 529

Dwight

Cut.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 530

Michael

I want you to push it. I want you to push 'cause breakthroughs are right around the corner. Something's going to pop here. Something's going to pop between a party. Feel what it's like to be in someone else's skin. What does it feel like to be a different race? It feels pretty bad doesn't it. So let that come out.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 531

Michael

Yeah, I marched on Washington back in the day. I went to the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial, U.S. Mint, congressman talked to our class. It was pretty cool.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 532

Michael

Talk like you're talking to that race. I have a feeling that this could get kind of volatile. So keep it going.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 533

Jim

Um, what's going on here?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 534

Pam

People treat us like the race on our forehead. And then we guess what race we are.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 535

Jim

Ah, good. Good luck. Doing good.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 536

Dwight

Oh, man, am I a woman?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 537

Jim

Yes, yes.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 538

Dwight

God!

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 539

Jim

How embarrassing is it? That's not fair. Here...

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 540

Dwight

It's not fair.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 541

Jim

Try this.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 542

Dwight

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 543

Jim

Go get 'em.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 544

Dwight

Good. So, am I a hunter gather culture?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 545

Pam

No.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 546

Dwight

Do I live near a harbor or an ocean?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 547

Pam

No.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 548

Dwight

No, I'm an inland. Am I a mountainous?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 549

Pam

No.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 550

Dwight

Am I nomadic?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 551

Pam

No.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 552

Dwight

Okay, okay, okay, okay. I think I got this. Um, I am treated in a foreign way with a great deal of prejudice. Am I one of those tribes in Africa? The piggies, or whatever?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 553

Pam

No.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 554

Dwight

No. But I am, I am human, right?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 555

Dwight

I could be French.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 556

Dwight

Damn it, Jim! That's not funny, Jim!

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 557

Michael

Oh, okay. Here we go, breakthrough radar. What happened? What happened here?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 558

Pam

It didn't have anything to do with race.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 559

Michael

Okay, all right. Let's keep on track. Keep on point. Let's do it.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 560

Pam

One time we had an ethnic festival in Scranton. One time.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 561

Michael

Try my googi, googi. Try my googi, googi. Try my googi, googi. Try my... All right! All right! Yes! That was great, she gets it! Kelly thank you. She's not here, but she gets it. That's what we have been looking for. The whole time. Oh, man. This is what I thrive on. You know? It's like Don Rickles on acid, man. Right?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 562

Jim

Um, why did she slap Martin Luther King?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 563

Michael

What, huh?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 564

Pam

What card was she?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 565

Jim

I think she wasn't wearing a card.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 566

Michael

It's good. This is good. We got it happening now. All right? Let's keep it rolling. Let's round it up.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 567

"Diversity Day" Quotes (page 3)