Michael

Hey, uh, can I help you out in here?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 271

Mr. Brown

Oh, I'm all set, thanks.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 272

Michael

Gotcha. Good. I'd go with the rows. That's a good idea.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 273

Michael

Today is diversity day and someone's going to come in and talk to us about diversity. It's something that I've been pushing, that I've been wanting to push, for a long time and Corporate mandated it. And I never actually talked to Corporate about it. They kind of beat me to the punch, the bastards. But I was going to. And I think it's very important that we have this. I'm very, very excited.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 274

Jim

That's the thing. It's very sturdy paper and on the back it says, '100% post-consumer content.' What? Hello? Uh-huh. Wait. What? I'm sorry, Mr. Decker. I think I'm losing you. Hello? Hello? Yeah. Hold on one second. I don't know. Hold on one second.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 275

Jim

Do you really have to do that right now?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 276

Dwight

Yes I do. I should have done it weeks ago actually.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 277

Jim

Mr. Decker, I'm sorry about that. What were you... Can you hold on one second? Yeah, just one second. Thanks. Hello? That's it. Perfect. So what I was saying... Hello? Thanks, Dwight.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 278

Dwight

Retaliation. Tit for tit.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 279

Jim

That is not the expression.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 280

Dwight

Well, it should be.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 281

Jim

This is my biggest sale of the year. They love me over there for some reason. I'm not really sure why but I make one call over there every year, just to renew their account, and that one call ends up being 25% of my commission for the whole year, so I buy a mini bottle of champagne, celebrate a little. And this year I'm pushing recycled paper on them for one percent more. I know. I'm getting cocky. Right?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 282

Jim

Solitaire?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 283

Pam

Yeah, Freecell.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 284

Jim

Six on seven.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 285

Pam

I know. I saw that.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 286

Jim

So then, why didn't you do it?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 287

Pam

I'm saving that 'cause I like it when the cards go T-ts-ts-tch-tch-tch.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 288

Jim

Who doesn't love that?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 289

Michael

Hey, Oscar! How are you doing, man?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 290

Oscar

All right.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 291

Michael

Did you have a good weekend going there?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 292

Oscar

It was fine.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 293

Michael

Oh yeah, I bet it was fun. Oh, hey! This is Oscar---

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 294

Oscar

Martinez.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 295

Michael

Right. See? I don't even know, first-name basis!

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 296

Mr. Brown

Great. We're all set.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 297

Michael

Oh hey, well, diversity, everybody, let's do it. Oscar works in... here. Jim, could you wrap it up, please?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 298

Jim

Yeah, uh, Mr. Decker, please.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 299

Michael

It's diversity day, Jim. I wish every day was diversity day.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 300

Jim

You know what? I'm actually going to have to call you back. Thank you. Sorry about that.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 301

Mr. Brown

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Great.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 302

Michael

Come on people, let's get 'em in. Get in the cards! Get in the cards!

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 303

Mr. Brown

Thank you. Thank you very much. OK. Thanks for filling these out and I promise this'll be quick. At Diversity Today, our philosophy is about honesty and positive expectations. We believe that 99% of the problems in the workplace arise simply out of ignorance.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 304

Michael

You know what? This is a color-free-zone here. Stanley, I don't look at you as another race.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 305

Mr. Brown

Uh, see this is what I'm talking about. We don't have to pretend we're color-blind.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 306

Michael

Exactly, were not...

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 307

Mr. Brown

That's fighting ignorance with more ignorance.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 308

Michael

With tolerance.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 309

Mr. Brown

No. With more ignorance.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 310

Michael

Ignorance.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 311

Mr. Brown

Right. Exactly. Uh, instead, we need to celebrate our diversity.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 312

Michael

Let's celebrate.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 313

Mr. Brown

Right. OK.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 314

Michael

Celebrate good times. Come on! Let's celebrate diversity. Right?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 315

Mr. Brown

Yes, exactly. Now here's what we're going to do. I've noticed that...

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 316

Michael

You know what? Here's what we're going to do. Why don't we go around and everybody... everybody say a race that you are attracted to sexually. I will go last. Go.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 317

Dwight

I have two. White and Indian.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 318

Mr. Brown

Actually, I'd prefer not to start that way. Michael, I would love to have your permission to run this session. Can I have your permission?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 319

Michael

Yes.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 320

Mr. Brown

Thank you very much. And it would also help me if you were seated.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 321

Michael

OK.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 322

Mr. Brown

Thank you. OK. Now, at the start of the session, I had you all write down an incident that you found offensive in the workplace. Now, what I'm going to do is choose one and we're going to act it out.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 323

Dwight

A few of the ground rules?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 324

Michael

Hey, hey why don't you run it by me and I'll run it by him.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 325

Dwight

OK, can we steer away from gay people?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 326

Mr. Brown

Um...

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 327

Dwight

I'm sorry. It's an orientation. It's not a race. Plus a lot of other races are intolerant of gays, so...paradox.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 328

Mr. Brown

Well, we only have an hour.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 329

Dwight

I figured it would save time.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 330

Michael

OK. Why don't we just defer to Mr...

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 331

Mr. Brown

Mr. Brown.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 332

Michael

Ah. Oh, right! OK. First test. I will not call you that.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 333

Mr. Brown

Well, it's my name. It's not a test. OK? Um, so looking through the cards, I've noticed that many of you wrote down the same incident, which is ironic, because it's the exact incident I was brought in here to respond to. Now, how many of you are familiar with the Chris Rock routine? Very good. OK.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 334

Michael

How come Chris Rock can do a routine and everybody finds it hilarious and ground-breaking and then I go and do the exact same routine, same comedic timing, and people file a complaint to Corporate? Is it because I'm white and Chris is black?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 335

Mr. Brown

So we're going to reenact this with a more positive outcome.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 336

Michael

I will play the Chris Rock guy. I would like to see someone else pull this off.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 337

Mr. Brown

Well, let's have someone who wasn't involved in the reenactment.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 338

Michael

OK, I will play guy listening.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 339

Mr. Brown

Great. Guy listening. Ok, anyone else remember?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 340

Kevin

I remember.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 341

Mr. Brown

Great. You're the Chris Rock guy and you're guy listening.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 342

Michael

OK.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 343

Michael

Kevin is a great guy. He's a great accountant. He is not much of an entertainer.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 344

Kevin

Basically, there are two types of black people and black people are actually more racist because they hate the other type of black people. Every time the one type wants to have a good time, then the other type comes in and makes a real mess.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 345

Michael

OK. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He's ruin... He's butchering it. Could you just let me... Every time... Every time black people want to have a good time, some ignant ass... I take care of my kid!

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 346

Mr. Brown

Wait a second.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 347

Michael

They always want credit for something they supPOSED to do!

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 348

Mr. Brown

Stop it!

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 349

Michael

What you want a cookie?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 350

Mr. Brown

Now, this is a simple acronym. HERO. Uh, at Diversity Today, we believe it is very easy to be a HERO. All you need are honesty, empathy, respect and open-mindedness.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 351

Dwight

Excuse me, I'm sorry, but that's not all it takes to be a hero.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 352

Mr. Brown

Oh, great. Well, what is a hero to you?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 353

Dwight

A hero kills people, people that wish him harm.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 354

Mr. Brown

OK.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 355

Dwight

A hero is part-human and part-supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma, or out of a disaster that must be avenged.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 356

Mr. Brown

Ok, you're thinking of a superhero.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 357

Dwight

We all have a hero in our heart.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 358

Mr. Brown

Now, I need you to take these forms. This kind of expresses the joint experience we had today. And I need you to look 'em over and sign them as kind of a group pledge.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 359

Michael

I don't think I can sign this.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 360

Mr. Brown

I can't leave until you do.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 361

Michael

Well, OK, it says here that I learned something and I knew all this stuff already, so... I know, I could sign something that says that I taught something, or that I helped you teach something, so... Pam! Where is she? Pam, could we change something on this?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 362

Mr. Brown

Michael, can I talk to you candidly?

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 363

Michael

Sure.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 364

Mr. Brown

We both know that I'm here because of the comments you made.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 365

Michael

Here's the thing. This office, I think this is very advanced in terms of... racial awareness and it's probably more advanced than you're used to. That's probably throwing you off a little bit.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 366

Mr. Brown

Um, it's not throwing me. I need your signature.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 367

Michael

OK, well I know. You told me that several times.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 368

Mr. Brown

Yes, but you're not listening to me. Yours is the only signature I need.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 369

Michael

OK.

Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 370

"Diversity Day" Quotes