Every quote from The Office season 9, episode 20, in script order. First aired April 25, 2013.
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Erin
Nice.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58371
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Dwight
Whoo!
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58372
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Angela
Was Dwight rooting for me? Hmm. I hadn't noticed.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58373
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Kevin
I'm not giving up. I'm going to keep making planes until one of them flies. Like Wilbur and Orville Redenbacher.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58374
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Jim
An Earl Grey tea for the lady.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58375
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Pam
Oh, thank you. I acknowledge and appreciate that you went out of your way to get me tea.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58376
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Jim
Thank you. I like being appreciated. But, to speak my truth, it wasn't out of the way because I felt like a tea anyway. So, one trip.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58377
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Pam
Well, to speak my truth, I switched to coffee in March. There's a new espresso machine. But I still acknowledge and appreciate the gesture.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58378
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Director
We are rolling and...action!
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58379
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Andy
This video is to demonstrate the HPRDC chemical handling protocols. These protocols could save you from severe injury, even death.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58380
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Producer
Ok, um, stop. Um, why are you smiling so much?
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58381
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Andy
Just made a character choice to be a scientist who really likes what he does and enjoys his job.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58382
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Director
Ok, well maybe no smiling on this one.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58383
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Andy
So how do you want, how should I do it?
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58384
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Director
I don't know, just like you're reporting the news or something. Ok?
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58385
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Andy
This video is to demonstrate the HPRDC chemical handling protocols.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58386
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Director
Ok.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58387
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Andy
It's Tom Brokaw, it's a newscaster.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58388
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Director
Who was that?
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58389
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Andy
Tom Brokaw!
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58390
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Dwight
Come on Clark!
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58391
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Angela
Come on Clark.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58392
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Dwight
Whoa!
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58393
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Erin
Yeah! Oh! Eat it piggy! Eat it! Oink oink oink oink!
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58394
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Clark
We've still gotta work together, so we should keep it civil.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58395
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Erin
I can't hear what you said. You got your slop?
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58396
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Clark
You know what, this is completely unnecessary. You already won...
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58397
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Pete
Erin! Erin! Just stop.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58398
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Erin
What?
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58399
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Pete
Relax.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58400
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Nellie
Next up we have Dwight and Phyllis.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58401
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Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration
You can do it baby!
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58402
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Angela
No you can't baby! Good luck.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58403
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Dwight
Watch and learn.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58404
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Erin
Wow.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58405
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Group
Oh!
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58406
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Nellie
Dwight defeats Phyllis, Dwight you are through to the semi-finals.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58407
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Dwight
Yes!
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58408
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Angela
Whoo!
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58409
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Dwight
Oh, Esther.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58410
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Esther
Hey.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58411
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Dwight
What are you- You're here early.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58412
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Esther
Yeah, I plucked the chickens extra fast cause I knew I was seeing you tonight. There might just be a little feather in your nuggets or a little bit of meat inside of your pillow.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58413
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Dwight
I like a little feather in my nuggets.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58414
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Nellie
Alright ladies and gentlemen, we are down to the final four. Dwight, Erin, Angela and god only knows how, but Toby. One of you will walk away with two thousand dollars.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58415
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Erin
Yeah!
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58416
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Director
Ok here you have just knocked over the beaker, the chemicals splashed in your eye.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58417
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Andy
Which is insanely painful.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58418
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Director
Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58419
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Andy
And I've already picked a few childhood memories to tap in to, to really express that pain.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58420
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Director
That's great. So what you're gonna do then is come over here to the eye washing station and then just kinda flush out your eyes. You know, get the chemicals out. Alright?
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58421
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Andy
So I just lean over this thing and then you'll add the water special effect later?
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58422
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Director
What water special effect?
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58423
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Producer
Yeah, yeah just hold your lids open with one hand and let the stream bathe your eyeballs.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58424
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Andy
I'm not comfortable doing my own stunts. I'll get nude if you want me to, I'll go full Lena Dunham but I-
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58425
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Director
Dude, we don't need you to go nude, OK? So just do the eyewash, Ok? That's all we're asking.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58426
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Andy
Darryl, what do I do?
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58427
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Darryl
Hold up, I'm looking at my spit with a microscope.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58428
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Andy
They want me to use real water in the eye wash scene.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58429
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Darryl
So?
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58430
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Andy
I can't squirt stuff in my eyeball. I've never even used an eye dropper.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58431
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Production Assistant
So Andy, so you know how to use this. You step on the pedal, water squirts in your eyes.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58432
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Andy
Carla! Carla!
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58433
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Nellie
It is time for a little T & A. I give you: Toby and Angela.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58434
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Angela
Oh my god! Oh my god. Ok it's your turn. [Toby crumples plane and steps aside.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58435
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Nellie
Well, Angela is the winner.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58436
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Angela
Yes!
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58437
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Esther
Is there a reason that we're excited for that little woman?
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58438
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Dwight
Yes. I pity her. She was recently in a situation where she could have had it all, and instead she lost everything.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58439
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Esther
Oh. Is she a gambler?
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58440
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Dwight
In a way. But not in a stand up and cheer kind of way, like the song.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58441
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Esther
Hmm. That is sad.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58442
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Carla Fern
Andy! If you don't stick your eyes in that machine, I'm going to call every production in North Eastern Pennsylvania. You won't even make an appearance on a security camera!
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58443
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Producer
What's the hold up here?
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58444
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Director
The actor's crying.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58445
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Producer
Oh god.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58446
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Andy
She yelled at me. I can't wash my eyeball. I can't do that. I can't.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58447
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Darryl
Andy Bernard can't squirt water in his eye and act like it doesn't freak him out. But you know who can? Older Male Lab Assistant Number One.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58448
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Andy
Do you believe in me?
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58449
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Darryl
I believe I want to go home.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58450
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Dwight
Yeah! Ok! Beat that! Whoo! Ok.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58451
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Erin
Dammit! Dammit, god. Sorry. Yeah I'm fine. I'm fine. I got mad. Cause I don't like losing. I'm just gonna- Sorry I'm mad! I'm mad, I'm really mad. I wanted to win. We were gonna win a lot of money, I was gonna buy you a sweater. It's stupid. Just the whole contest is stupid. That's how it feels.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58452
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Pete
Yeah. Whoa!
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58453
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Erin
Sorry I'm mad! I don't like losing! I thought I was going to win!
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58454
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Pete
Ok Hey hey hey, whoa.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58455
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Erin
Sorry. Sorry. I'm going to go upstairs and just...
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58456
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Pam
Oh, I made us a date to take my mom out to dinner to thank her for all that extra babysitting.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58457
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Jim
Well, you know how much I appreciate the opportunity to hang out with your mom more. So let me just put this in my calendar.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58458
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Pam
I acknowledge with gratitude that you are being kind and responsible enough to include it in your calendar.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58459
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Jim
Thank you. Your mom is a treasure.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58460
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Pam
Well, I appreciate that some opportunities can be unpleasant-
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58461
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Jim
Hey that's work, hold on. Hey Wade, did Cole Hamels call back or what? Great. Good.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58462
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Pam
Uh, to speak my truth, I'd appreciate if you hung that up cause we were in the middle of a conversation. I appreciate the sacrifice.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58463
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Jim
Ok to speak my truth, that was a little sarcastic. I think that's a little unfair.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58464
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Pam
Really? I've been putting the kids to bed by myself every night for a months. And you had to miss one phone call. Is that your truth, Jim? That's really your truth?
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58465
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Jim
I guess I will swallow my truth.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58466
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Clark
Are you guys high? Because if so, to speak my truth, I would appreciate the sacrifice of including me in some hits off your kind buds.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58467
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Pam
We're not high.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58468
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Pam
I wish we'd started this exercise six months ago. My heart just feels so... blocked up.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58469
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Kevin
The Mark 47 is ready for launch. Less paste.
Season 9 · Episode 20 · Quote 58470