Every line from The Office season 3, episode 13, in script order. First aired January 18, 2007.
-
Stanley
No.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13461
-
Michael
Don't - don't do that. That's not nice. What about you, Phyllis? You and Dwight were close.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13462
-
Phyllis
No. Sorry.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13463
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Phyllis
Dwight has a big personality and I have a big personality. And a lot of times when two people like that get together it can be explosive.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13464
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Paris
Really comin' down out there. Commute's gonna be hell.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13465
-
Dwight
I have snow tires and chains. Plus exceptional hand-eye coordination.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13466
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Paris
So um, where were you workin' before this?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13467
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Dwight
Dunder-Mifflin.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13468
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Paris
What kind of company is that?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13469
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Dwight
Paper company. They're only one of Staples' top competitors in the area.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13470
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Paris
I never heard of 'em.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13471
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Dwight
Whoa. Really? Have you heard of paper?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13472
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Paris
You gonna be like that, huh?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13473
-
Paris
I don't like him, his giant head, or his beady little eyes. That's all I got to say on the matter.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13474
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Andy
In your he-ead, in your he-eyd-ed. Zombie. Zombie. Zombie. Ey, ey, ey, ey. In your he-eyd-ed.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13475
-
Jim
Would you like to pull a prank on Andy?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13476
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Pam
Oh, I'm kind of in the middle of -- yes please.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13477
-
Jim
Okay, good. Stay right here.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13478
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Andy
Oh. Good move, Tuna. Nice one.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13479
-
Jim
Are there any messages?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13480
-
Pam
Nope.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13481
-
Jim
So weird.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13482
-
Pam
Hmm.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13483
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Michael
Nice to have Oscar back.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13484
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Angela
Yeah.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13485
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Andy
Large Tuna. Have you seen my cell phone device?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13486
-
Jim
No.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13487
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Andy
Cause someone is calling right now. There is a call.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13488
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Pam
Angela?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13489
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Angela
Oh.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13490
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Pam
Is everything okay?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13491
-
Angela
No.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13492
-
Andy
What's going on?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13493
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Jim
What are you talking about?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13494
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Andy
Where is my FREAKING phone?!
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13495
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Jim
You know what? Maybe it's in the ceiling.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13496
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Andy
Maybe you're in the ceiling!
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13497
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Jim
Okay.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13498
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Andy
I don't trust you, Phyllis!
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13499
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Angela
I wanted to let you know that Dwight was late that morning because he was driving to New York to drop off the correlated documents that I forgot to send. Though to be fair, Kevin never reminded me.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13500
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Michael
Why would Dwight do that for you? I think I know why. Because Dwight loves this company.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13501
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Angela
Yes.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13502
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Michael
Do you think that anyone else out there would have driven to corporate for you?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13503
-
Angela
None of them. Especially not Andy.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13504
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Michael
Pam, I have a mission to accomplish. Make sure this party gets rolling and I will be back shortly.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13505
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Andy
Wait up. Where are you going? Do you want me to come with?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13506
-
Michael
Um.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13507
-
Andy
Just listen, I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday. You, me, bars, beers, buzzed. Wings. Shots. Drunk. Waitresses, hot. Football - Cornell/Hofstra. Slaughter. Then a quick nap at my place and we'll hit the tiz-own.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13508
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Michael
No. I don't want to do any of that.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13509
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Andy
Duh. Which is why I was just joking about doing that.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13510
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Michael
No, just stop. Stop. Stop doing it. You're going to drive me crazy.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13511
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Andy
Fine. I'll just sit at my desk and be quiet. Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship. Excuse me. And I'm also sorry that a lot of people here for some reason think it's funny to steal someone's personal property and hide it from them. Here's a little newsflash! It's not funny! In fact, it's pretty freakin' unfunny! Oh, my GOD. That... was an overreaction. Gonna hit the break room. Does anybody want anything? Pam, you good?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13512
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Pam
Yeah.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13513
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Andy
Sure? Okay.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13514
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Dwight
Well, that question is meaningless. Just go with the copy paper. It's your funeral. See how that works out for you.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13515
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Michael
Hey.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13516
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Dwight
Hey.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13517
-
Michael
What's up?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13518
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Dwight
Same old.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13519
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Michael
Um. It takes a big man to admit his mistake. And I am that big man. Angela from accounting told me what you did.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13520
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Dwight
Oh my God, she told you?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13521
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Michael
Yes, she did. And Dwight, if you were willing to do something like that for some random co-worker, then clearly I have misjudged you from the beginning, and I apologize.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13522
-
Dwight
Accepted.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13523
-
Michael
How's this place treating you?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13524
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Dwight
The boss isn't funny.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13525
-
Michael
Oh, well.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13526
-
Dwight
I don't get to wear my ties.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13527
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Michael
No. I'm sure.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13528
-
Dwight
So?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13529
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Michael
So, maybe you should come back. You should come back. Please.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13530
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Dwight
I don't want to do your laundry anymore.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13531
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Michael
We can talk about that. All right.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13532
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Jim
Oh my God, that's half-inch drywall.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13533
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Pam
I think we broke his brain.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13534
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Jim
'It's not freakin' funny!'
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13535
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Angela
Are you enjoying your fiesta?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13536
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Oscar
Actually, yeah. I didn't think I would, but turns out -- it's great.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13537
-
Michael
Ladies and gentlemen! May I present... Mr. Dwight Schrute!
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13538
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Everybody
Yay.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13539
-
Angela
Welcome back.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13540
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Dwight
Thank you.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13541
-
Michael
Okay, Dwight, you can let go of her hand. You're gonna break it. Not bad, huh?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13542
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Dwight
You did this for me?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13543
-
Michael
Guilty.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13544
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Creed
Oh... Where did you get this stuff?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13545
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Meredith
Gerty's.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13546
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Creed
Which aisle?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13547
-
Meredith
I don't remember.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13548
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Creed
Well, draw me a map, mama.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13549
-
Michael
Pam. I will shake mine and then you will shake yours.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13550
-
Pam
No, I will not.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13551
-
Michael
So does this remind you of your childhood right now?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13552
-
Oscar
It reminds me a lot of the 'Three Amigos' with Steve Martin and Chevy Chase.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13553
-
Michael
Wow. Thank you. Wow, that's-- thanks so much.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13554
-
Jim
Hey.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13555
-
Karen
Do you still have feelings for her?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13556
-
Jim
Yes.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13557
-
Michael
And now, ladies and gentlemen, the big finale! Sir, would you do the honor?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13558
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Dwight
Oh, man. No, no, no. I don't need it. Get out!
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13559
-
Michael
It takes a big man to admit his mistake and that's what I did. The important thing is I learned something. I don't want somebody sucking up to me because they think I'm going to help their career. I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me. Hmm.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13560