Every line from The Office season 3, episode 13, in script order. First aired January 18, 2007.
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Dwight
I have left Dunder-Mifflin after many record-breaking years and am officially on the job market. And it's very exciting.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13361
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Dwight
For your convenience, I've broken it down into three parts: professional resume, athletic and special skills resume, and Dwight Schrute trivia.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13362
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Dwight
I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13363
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Dwight
How would I describe myself? Three words. Hard-working, Alpha male, Jackhammer, Merciless, Insatiable.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13364
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Dwight
There is nothing on my horizon except everything. Everything is on my horizon.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13365
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Dwight
I got this job to make some money while I continue my employment search. And uh, it's fine for the time being. Oops. Break's over.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13366
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Andy
Big Turkey.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13367
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Jim
Is that you singing?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13368
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Andy
All four parts. Recorded it on my computer. It took me forever.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13369
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Jim
Nice job.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13370
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Andy
Thank you muchly.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13371
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Jim
You gonna answer it?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13372
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Andy
I called it myself. I just thought you'd get a kick out of the new ring.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13373
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Jim
Yikes.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13374
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Andy
Side note. I'd just like to say I'm thrilled to be working directly beneath you.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13375
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Jim
Thank you.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13376
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Andy
I feel I have a lot to learn from you, even though you're younger and have less experience. So here's to the future... Andy and the Tuna. Andy and the tuna...
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13377
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Jim
I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13378
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Michael
Yes, Dwight Schrute has left this company. More personnel turnover.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13379
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Andy
The cost of doing business.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13380
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Michael
Yes, well. It is a big loss. Dwight was the top salesman...
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13381
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Andy
Was the top salesman...
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13382
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Michael
I said 'was'.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13383
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Andy
Addition by subtraction.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13384
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Michael
What does that even mean? That is impossible.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13385
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Andy
Mmmm. Yeah you're right.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13386
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Michael
But, there is some good news. Oscar is back. Addition by addition. So we are going to have a big party today to welcome him back and hopefully that will lift everybody's spirits.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13387
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Oscar
Hey, everyone.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13388
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Kevin
Oh, hello, Oscar. How was your gay-cation?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13389
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Oscar
Oh, that's very funny.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13390
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Kevin
Yeah? I thought of it like, two seconds after you left.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13391
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Oscar
Hi, Angela.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13392
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Angela
Oscar.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13393
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Andy
Hey, boss.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13394
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Michael
Hey, what's up.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13395
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Andy
Noooothin'. Ehrrrrrrrrr. Heh. Man. TGI-Wednesday. Am I right?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13396
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Michael
Yep.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13397
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Andy
Gonna go home. Get my beer on. Get my 'Lost' on. What are you doing later, wanna hang out?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13398
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Michael
I don't know. Maybe.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13399
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Andy
Well, I will take that as a maybe. Where are you going?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13400
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Michael
Bathroom.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13401
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Andy
Oh, well, I'm going to the kitchen, I'll walk with you.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13402
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Andy
Yeah, things are going pretty good. Gettin' a lot of face time with the boss.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13403
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Angela
Oscar? I have a question. Would you like to join the party planning committee?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13404
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Oscar
The one of all women?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13405
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Angela
Yeah.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13406
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Oscar
Because I'm gay?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13407
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Angela
No. No. Certain events have transpired. And I've thought about certain things. And I'm sorry for the way those certain events transpired. And I would just like to make some changes about certain things and certain situations.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13408
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Oscar
OK, OK, OK, all right, all right. I'll join. I'd love to. That's -- thank you.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13409
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Angela
Thank you.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13410
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Kevin
Can I join too?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13411
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Angela
Never.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13412
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Staples Guy
You sell those two printers this morning? Nice work.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13413
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Dwight
Child's play. Give me something hard to sell.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13414
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Michael
Wow. What is wrong with this thing? It looks terrible.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13415
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Pam
Do you want me to ask the cleaning crew if they stopped watering it?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13416
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Michael
Yeah. And you know what? Ask them about the toys on my desk too. They always used to arrange them in a very pleasing way. It used to brighten my morning.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13417
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Pam
Oh, that wasn't the night crew. That was Dwight.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13418
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Michael
Really? That was very nice of him. We need more attitude like that around the office.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13419
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Andy
Feel ya, dawg.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13420
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Michael
Yeah, do you?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13421
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Andy
Absolutely.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13422
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Michael
What did I say?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13423
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Andy
You said...
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13424
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Michael
Huh.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13425
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Andy
Which is like, 'Right on.' And Pam was like 'blah blah blah' and you were like 'Yeah, psht.' Nailed it.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13426
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Michael
Oh, no.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13427
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Andy
Oh, no.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13428
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Michael
Love that Andy, right? Solid fellow. Seems smart enough. Likes me a lot. A lot. Too much. Like a crazy person. A little. Not super crazy... just... there's something about him that creeps me out. I can't really explain it. He's always up in my bidness. Which is ebonics for 'being in my face and annoying the bejesus out of me.' I don't understand how someone could have so little self-awareness.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13429
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Oscar
I really have no preference. We don't even have to have a party.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13430
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Michael
No, hey, hey. Don't be ridiculous. Of course we are going to have a party. A celebration of Oscar. Oscar night. And I want it to be Oscar-specific.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13431
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Oscar
Michael --
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13432
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Michael
No, no, no. I mean, not because you're gay. Your gayness does not define you. Your Mexican-ness is what defines you to me. And I think we should celebrate Oscar's Mexicanity. So Phyllis... I want you to go find firecrackers. And a Chihuahua. Pam, in the frozen food section, Swanson makes a delightful chimichanga.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13433
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Oscar
Why don't you have me riding in on a donkey into the office like Pepe.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13434
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Michael
Ah, a burro, of course. If Oscar wants a donkey, let's get him one.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13435
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Dwight
Need any help?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13436
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Lady
Oh, no, thank you. I'm just looking.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13437
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Dwight
Great. I will literally be standing right here if you need anything at all.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13438
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Lady
Okay.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13439
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Andy
I think I could go for some tuna fish right about now. Oh, oh, got my rod here. Whizzzzz. Click, click, click, click, click, click, click. Cli -- ah! I got one! I got one! Ahhhh!
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13440
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Jim
Hey.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13441
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Karen
Hey.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13442
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Jim
So Andy is in rare form today.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13443
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Karen
Yeah, you should not encourage him.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13444
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Jim
Encourage him? I'm the victim, okay? He's fishing for me. We've got to do something.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13445
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Karen
Look, I've got like fifteen new clients I inherited from Dwight and each file is password protected with a different mythical creature. So, I'm sorry. I can't.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13446
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Jim
Fine. Party pooper.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13447
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Michael
Who's that sportscaster that bit that lady? Marv something? Andy is like Marv Something. Great sportscaster. Big weirdo creep.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13448
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Andy
185 pounder. Check it out. Whew!
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13449
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Jim
Hey, Ryan?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13450
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Ryan
What?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13451
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Jim
You wanna pull a prank on Andy?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13452
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Ryan
Not right now, but ask me again ten years ago.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13453
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Jim
I liked you better when you were the temp.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13454
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Ryan
Yeah, me too.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13455
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Michael
Hey guys. How's the workload on all of Dwight's old accounts? Handling it okay?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13456
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Phyllis
Sort of. He had a lot of clients.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13457
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Michael
Yes, he did. Have any of you talked to Dwight?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13458
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Stanley
Oh, sure, we talk all the time.
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13459
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Michael
Really?
Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13460