Todd Packer Quotes from The Office | Page 2

Don't give up on me.

Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43496

I'm sorry if you were offended by my comments earlier.

Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43503

Okay. You want an apology? Here it goes. Kevin, I am so sorry. You are skinny, and you are a genius.

Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43511

Well thanks, will do.

Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43521

That sounds weird.

Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43523

Apparently, as soon as corporate found out I wanted to come in off the road, Jo offered me a cushy new job in Tallahassee. And here's the best part. I'm a huge alligator nerd. I can name you every genus, every sub species. Also I'm a huge boob nerd.

Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43528

You're looking at the new face of corporate. Gonna put the 'ass', in Tallahassee!

Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43546

Well we gotta go out and celebrate, tonight!

Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43548

Do you have a ball and chain?

Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43550

Listen, I'm gonna tell you something that none of these people have the stones to tell you. It's your girlfriend, man. She's uptight.

Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43552

I know this stuff can hurt, but I wish someone had said something to me about my ex-wife. All I'm saying is about a month or so, meet me down in Florida, I'll introduce you to all the local talent.

Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43554

It's gonna be so good.

Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43556

Quick query, Halpert.

Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50077

Still queer?

Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50079

You can't put me down. Too strong!

Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50081

Yeah, Dwight and Jim tried to get me fired, but I landed on my feet down here in Florida. You see, this cat's got nine lives, and a nine-inch-

Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50082

I can do it.

Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50106

I tell you what though, since my move down to Florida I've really gotten back into hunting big time.

Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50114

Totally. I mean, I'd never bang an animal, you can hardly tell the difference between a boy or a girl, you know, but hunting's intense.

Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50116

Did you say 'masturbator?'

Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50118

Yup. Tallahassee, let's go.

Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50131

This is great. This is gonna be great.

Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50136

Dude, don't you yak on me. This shirt is Van Heusen.

Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50144

Drama queen, am I right?

Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50157

That was an interesting diversion. Shall we get back to the meeting?

Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50159

-features a tech support area. Bring in your product, a bunch of nerdy virgins fix it on the spot. Huge for building loyalty.

Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50176

Oh, yikes. Incoming-

Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50234

It would be an honor, ma'am.

Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50237

Cookies. Bet you anything it's cookies.

Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50249

That's great.

Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50276

Not good enough (clicks tongue)

Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50291

I'll be there at 6:00

Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50294

Jason Bourne would kick Bond's ass.

Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50314

Okay, drinking game. Count of three, take three sips.

Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50317

Aaaaand he host at his own lame game.

Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50330

Thank you.

Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50332

I will be here.

Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50356

Oh, please, You're through. She's going to give it to me as I'm giving it to her tonight. The cowgirl has chosen her saddle.

Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50358

What? That's a joke, right? You see the way she's all over me.

Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50360

Alright.

Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50384

Yep

Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50611

Uh'

Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50620

I don't see what that gets us, but I'm a team player.

Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50622

Schrute's out to get me. But I'm playing the long game. As soon as he messes up, I swoop in like a sexual predator.

Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50624

When you guys do that whole power of two shebang, how 'bout I pop up also? I guess we'd have to say 'power of three'. Hm, actually, you know what, yeah, that actually works. You'd spin off right. I'd spin off-

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50950

Nice. Hey, Halpert, anyone ever tell you you look like Wooly Willy?

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50958

Aw, I'm just trying to-

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50960

That's... that's the same guy. It's the joke I made.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50962

Well, looks like Shnoot's a no-show. Guess he wasn't vice presy material after all. But I am. Put me in, babe. I got the info down backwards, forwards, and doggy-style. I'm your man.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 51053

Sup?

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 51055

If I may speak to that, I have only been vice president of this project for the last half hour, so the man you want is Dwight Shrute.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 51098

Are you kidding? She's the queen of the whole freaking Magilla!

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 51102

What, you, I, I can't get fired. I'm an institution. I have been at this company for 20 years. How many of you have been here that long, huh?

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 51104

Hey, Moonface. Nice to see those shiny, little Chinese eyes of yours.

Season 9 · Episode 17 · Line 57504

Hi, all.

Season 9 · Episode 17 · Line 57507

OK. Let's get right to it. I guess. My name is Todd Packer and I am in recovery. I'm working the steps. I'm on step eight of Alcoholics Anonymous and step nine of Narcotics Anonymous. I'm here to make amends. I've been hard to deal with over the past years. Kind of a jerk. I know it. I don't need you to accept my apology, but I'd love it if you did.

Season 9 · Episode 17 · Line 57509

Actually, they have a specific way I need to do this. And, I have to go through examples of stuff. OK. Uh, where to begin. Hey. Pam-pam and her pam-pams. Wow. I have said some crude things about those. But, they are beautiful. And, I guess that's why I acted out. Pam, I'm sorry I objectified you. And, personified your breasts. Sorry, guys. Oh boy. I have not been nice to you. Philly, I'm sorry for the things I said about your size. To your face, behind your back, and in the form of drawings. Actually, that goes to all you double XLs. Stanley, Kevin, this kid in a few years.

Season 9 · Episode 17 · Line 57511

Why can't I just be nice? Truth is, I really like you guys. I really do. OK. The apology's just half of it. The big thing is making amends. And, that's why I brought these. I went out to the Steamtown Mall and I got you all cupcakes. From that place 'Nipples'.

Season 9 · Episode 17 · Line 57513

Huh. The mind sees what it wants to, huh? There you go.

Season 9 · Episode 17 · Line 57515

Oh. I'm Todd. Oh, sorry for calling you a fat, little runt earlier.

Season 9 · Episode 17 · Line 57563

No? Wow. I'm in this mode now where I'm apologizing for thoughts that are in my head. Hey. I have a crazy feeling that you are really gonna like this.

Season 9 · Episode 17 · Line 57565

Hey, uh, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for screwing you.

Season 9 · Episode 17 · Line 57609

I am. It was my rock bottom.

Season 9 · Episode 17 · Line 57611

Hey, you know what? It was, uh, great to see you all again. Take care.

Season 9 · Episode 17 · Line 57619

I am going through a twelve-step program. I'm currently on step zero. Which is have a of fun. I spent six hours carefully removing the frosting and then layering in a variety of drugs, some legal, some not. Some laxative, some constipating. You don't fire the Pac-Man and expect to get away with it.

Season 9 · Episode 17 · Line 57620

So, that's it. I just wanted to make amends.

Season 9 · Episode 17 · Line 57672

It's OK. I'm over it.

Season 9 · Episode 17 · Line 57675

Uh, it doesn't include headshots.

Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58261

No.

Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58263

Todd Packer Quotes from The Office (page 2)