Todd Packer Quotes from The Office

Traveling salesman nobody asked for.

169 quotes · page 1 of 2

1. Hey, you big queen.

   Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 57

2. Hey, is old Godzillary coming in today?

   Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 59

3. I've been meaning to ask her one question. Does the carpet match the drapes?

   Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 61

4. Mello.

   Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1513

5. Whoa. Hey.

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6. Is this Michael Scott? My secret lover. My intercom, I told you never to call me here. Never!

   Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1517

7. Bergerstein!

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8. Bergerstein!

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9. I want my money back you greedy Hebrew. Bergerstein!

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10. I can't make it.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1525

11. I... I'm not coming.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1527

12. Oh, God! Stop whining. You know, you only come to the pick up game once a year. You little bitch. All right, yup. Hey, okay. No problem, you know, best you can do. Hey, you know. Hey, nice talking to you too. All right take care. Michael Scoot. That's funny. He's a good friend.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1529

13. What has two thumbs and likes to bone your Mom? This guy!

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2416

14. [makes laser gun noises]

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2418

15. bleep, bleep. What's up, Halpert?

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2420

16. Still queer?

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2422

17. Are you kidding? Everyone knows why! You don't know? Okay, check this out. Al lright. So here's the story. So Randall is nailing his secretary, right? And she is totally incompetent.

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2426

18. We're talking blonde incompetent.

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2428

19. Like 10 words a minute... talking.

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2430

20. They are women, right?

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2432

21. I said it. And then, suddenly, for no reason, this bimbo blows the whistle on the whole thing just to be a bitch.

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2434

22. Meant to ask you, can you think you can get someone to drive me around because of the, uh, DUI situation?

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2437

23. Come on, kid. Let's go.

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2439

24. Why does everyone ask me that? Who the hell is that?

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2443

25. Don't ever let this little bitch drive you around town. We got, uh, lost for half an hour.

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2575

26. Where is Michael Snot? Sniffing some dude's thong? Probably.

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2577

27. There he is.

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2598

28. There he is. Good one.

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2600

29. So a guy goes home, tells his wife, 'Honey. Pack your bags. I just won the lottery.' She goes, 'Oh my god! That's incredible! Where are we going?' He goes, 'I don't know where you're going, just be out of here by five!' Boom!

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2626

30. There's this guy. He's at a Nymphomaniac Convention. And he is psyched 'cause all these women are smokin' hot perfect 10's, except for this one chick who looks a lot like, uh...

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2655

31. Ex-squeeze me?

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2658

32. Oh my. They really got to you, didn't they?

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2670

33. Merry Christmas, asswipe!

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5555

34. What's up my nerds. Check it out.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5557

35. Pacman need a drinky.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5559

36. Hello, yes. I'm looking for a gay nerd named Michael Scott.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6945

37. Your mom, you gay nerd!

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6947

38. Hey, did you get that package I left for you?

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6949

39. It was pretty big.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6951

40. Yeah.

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41. Left it in the middle of your office.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6955

42. [laughs uproariously]

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6958

43. Special delivery!

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6960

44. Sit on the throne, Michael.

    Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6962

45. Big whoop! I was in Hot-lanta. That whole town is whacked.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12842

46. You took the ice queen? I don't buy it.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12844

47. They wouldn't give you a subscription to Maxim.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12846

48. No.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12848

49. Well, no. I got nothing.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12850

50. Yeah, Mike, still nothing.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12852

51. Wait, I just got it from somebody else. Wow. This is hot. Damn! How do I get you out of this picture?

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12854

52. Halpert! Tall, queer, handsome as ever. Hey everybody it's me, Jim. Hello, hello. Todd Packer.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13601

53. Shut up!

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13603

54. Shut it!

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13605

55. Either this chick is a dude or Halpert got scared straight!

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13607

56. What happened?

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13609

57. Quick somebody help! Help the man!

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13611

58. I have a full day of sales calls.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13614

59. [Breaks pencil.]

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13616

60. And what kind of stripper did you get?

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13618

61. You didn't order a stripper? Have you ever even been to a bachelor party?

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13620

62. Mike, okay, a stripper is bachelor party 101. If you don't get a stripper your party is going to suck it hard.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13622

63. Just get one for the girls too. That evens it out. You know, separate but equal.

    Season 3 · Episode 14 · Line 13624

64. Hey what's up, Butt-plug?

    Season 6 · Episode 17 · Line 36203

65. Dude, I've been here since three! I've boot and rallied twice.

    Season 6 · Episode 17 · Line 36205

66. Fat and ugly. You might actually have a chance.

    Season 6 · Episode 17 · Line 36207

67. Oh here's what you do. Hike up your skirt and pull out your tampon, borrow some balls and come meet me!

    Season 6 · Episode 17 · Line 36209

68. Maybe next 'queer.' Hey ladies, who wants some bangers and mash?

    Season 6 · Episode 17 · Line 36211

69. Whoops!

    Season 6 · Episode 17 · Line 36290

70. I saw you on the news and I want to pinch your tiny wiener... It's Packer!

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38170

71. Lame. Why don't witches wear panties?

    Season 7 · Episode 6 · Line 39893

72. Because they need to grip the broom!

    Season 7 · Episode 6 · Line 39895

73. Has anyone started calling you 'Gabe-wad' yet?

    Season 7 · Episode 6 · Line 39901

74. I don't think you get it.

    Season 7 · Episode 6 · Line 40082

75. Halpert, you lookin' for someone to bang your wife?

    Season 7 · Episode 6 · Line 40091

76. I really though I was becoming too much of a womanizer. I realized I had shirts in five different women's houses.

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43283

77. All right, truth is I gotta couple love bumps on my ding-dong so, game-over!

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43285

78. Whoa! I'm sorry, Michael. I thought we were meeting Holly today, not Jennifer Aniston!

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43290

79. After you!

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43292

80. Oh!

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43304

81. It's great to be among friends, but until then, you suckers will do!

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43308

82. Thanks man, it'd mean a lot.

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43332

83. well I was there for twelve years. Plus my name's carved under the desk.

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43334

84. Is too!

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43336

85. Check it out!

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43338

86. Don't even watch, Halpert!

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43343

87. Hey what's going on you guys? Yeahh! Three muska-queers!

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43381

88. I don't know, I love her and all, but she turned into a bitch. Mostly she's great, but some days she acts like her mom.

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43384

89. Since when did you learn how to read?

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43387

90. Yeah. You know how to read... a menu!

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43389

91. So you two are married to each other now, right?

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43433

92. That's sweet. How's the sex?

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43435

93. Why?

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43438

94. I think I'll pass. The only hot chocolate I'm into is Viva A Fox.

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43442

95. And a '76 that's good to boot, I like that.

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43482

96. Why?

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43484

97. Holly said that?

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43486

98. She asked me, Michael! It would've been rude not to answer.

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43490

99. Michael, can I open the kamomo with you. I've been on the road too long. But, I wanna connect with my daughter. And it's not right to call her a bitch in front of strangers.

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43492

100. You're right. I gotta watch my behavior.

     Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43494