Jo Bennett Quotes from The Office | Page 2

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38195

It's a little form, says 'I did not do it.'

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38200

All that's just birthday information, Michael.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38202

Why don't you come with me? We'll start out with the honcho, what'cha say?

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38204

When Mama was working as a prison guard and something went missing, she'd ask one question: What do we do when we find the guilty party? And if they said, 'Come down on him with that swift hammer of justice!', innocent. A clear conscience don't need no mercy. But if they said 'Officer Bessie, well they may have had a reason, blah blah blah blah', well nine times out of ten, that's the anus they'd check.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38206

So say we catch this whistleblower, what do you think I should do with him?

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38207

Uh, that's, uh, Guantanamo Bay.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38209

Well, I guess we're all right, Michael.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38211

Yeah.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38213

Okay Dwight.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38229

Well, I'm inclined to believe you.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38231

Yeah, I noticed you've had a great year. Good boy... you turning that money into more money?

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38233

I don't like to tell a man what to do with his money, but if you ain't investing in property, then you're dumber than a dummy.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38235

Well, buy property. That's my advice.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38237

Sounds like you were as blindsided by this as I was.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38258

And we didn't find anything on your computer.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38260

Except this.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38262

I know what it is. I skimmed the first chapter. I'm just curious, why would a man who hates people want to have a relationship with a maid?

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38264

The way I look at it, there's only one of two reasons. He knows a secret about her that she doesn't know herself, or he wants to use her services to mop up after a murder.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38266

Michael.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38322

Michael Scott... what do you know?

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38324

If it doesn't matter, then tell me.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38327

Because I want to deal with it the way I deal with it.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38329

Empathize with me for a moment. I came up here with a big problem, and now I got a branch manager who's giving me the silent treatment... Speak to me... speak. Come with me.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38331

Hahahahahaha.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38335

Michael.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38352

Let's just talk.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38354

Honey, you don't seem like your normal self.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38356

Mama Jo knew there was something up.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38358

Oh, I hate that.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38360

Who's Holly?

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38362

When I was growing up, there was nothing better than being a big old business tycoon. And I thought I'd break that glass ceiling and be a hero to all those little girls out there... and they'd make a Barbie out of me.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38386

I, did I sell cheap printers? I do. But if I have to go out there in front of the press and make one of them public apology recalls, I mean, it's all I'll ever be remembered for. Nobody will want to play with my Barbie.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38388

Oh honey, surely you don't want that.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38390

Hey, I appreciate you reading that statement. You looked pretty up there.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38407

I hope your rough patch ends soon.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38409

Well, give me a shout if I can brighten your life.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38411

Let me see what I can do.

Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38413

Why is this my problem, Michael?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38558

Lower yourself, Gabe. I don't wanna be having a conversation with your crotch. Ok, educate me now why you won't fire the boy.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38561

Which are?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38563

Oh, God. How far has it gone?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38565

Well, I got a nephew too. But he don't work for me. You know why? Cause he's a screw-up. He can swim in my pool but he can't come in my house.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38567

If you keep him, Michael, I'm gonna hold you accountable for him. You're on the hook for this kid. You got that? Cover his ass like tighty-whities.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38569

Was how I put it not clear enough? I mean, you had to go and make up your own saying? Deal with it, boys.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38571

The moment Darla put the cupcake in her mouth, her daddy pulled her aside and said, 'You're Too Fat. No one's gonna like you if you're too fat.' The next time I saw David Geffen was at the buffalo club. 'I love you, you Gay Bastard,' I said. 'You Gay Bastard,' I s--. 'Gay Ba--' 'Gay B--''

Season 7 · Episode 9 · Line 40957

[Jim's edited version of her book on tape]: Now listen here, Gabe, you're too fat. No one's gonna like you if you're too fat. I made some changes to my book. See if you like them.

Season 7 · Episode 9 · Line 41012

Now, I love reading, and I hate being interrupted. Shut up and listen, you gay bastard. Chapter One. I was born, not into luxary, nor poverty. But into adversity, and for that, I thank the Lord. My Father was a man. That's all we can know. After I learned to ride a bike, there was no stopping me. I would ride up Magnolia Stree and down Azalea Lane. Which would later become my--

Season 7 · Episode 9 · Line 41014

I've always been a fighter. And Fate has obliged me with plenty of battles, the first being a hard--

Season 7 · Episode 9 · Line 41016

Hey, all! Cornelius, Bobo, have at it. Nobody let my dogs hump each other. They don't seem to know they're brothers.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45146

Slow yourself down there. Just like a man. Wants to jump right into it while I still got my socks on. Jim Halpert - the only man that ever turned me down.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45148

Well, some pretty big shoes to fill. I was sorry to hear about Deangelo. He was a good man. Tragic.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45150

Dwight! Walk me out. Let's talk soon. And stay on top of these people. You gotta admit it - it's nice to have a little power, eh? How's it feel?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45182

What?!

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45184

Shooting is worse! Are you kidding me? It's not even in the same - you shot a gun? What is wrong with you?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45186

Beaumont-Adams is a girl's gun. That just makes it plain stupid.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45188

Who else would be responsible?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45190

Oh, stop asking yourself easy questions so you can look like a genius.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45194

I love you, Dwight. But you don't fit this job.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45196

No, child. No. It's over. Now I gotta find a replacement for my replacement.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45198

You three are my search committee. You're in charge of finding me my next manager. All righty?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45199

Till then, we need a new acting manager. Now, who's got the most experience in this office?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45202

Who is it?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45204

Gabe, honey! Oh, lord. Take all this.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45493

Here. Jim! Did you hear Stern this morning?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45495

Ohh, Robin was good. She's always good. Keeps him on his toes. Its Howard's show though. Whose is this? Darryl Philbin. Ohh. Very nice to see a familiar face on top. Ah... a little long aren't we? Four pages? Is this the same Darryl Philbin who's had two jobs in ten years at one company?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45497

Coordinated and implemented receipt storage and delivery of over 2.5 billion units of inventory. 2.5 billion, Darryl? 2.5 billion units of what?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45499

Paper material?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45501

Or what? You gonna shoot me?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45504

I'll interview you right now.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45506

Question 1. Ever shot a gun in the office?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45508

Yeah, but see... it's not.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45510

Okay.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45522

Welcome to Scranton, Jo. Land of a thousand problems only you can fix. Oh for god's sake. He's texting me his resume one line at a time. These are costing me ten cents a piece, you jackass! I'm roaming!

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45524

Huh?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45537

No, send him in. Who is this?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45539

I want to talk to Dwight Schrute for a second. I want to ask him a question. If he isn't here in sixty seconds...

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45548

Let's just say I had hired this Jack Souvenir. Then what?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45554

All that for this job.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45556

That's f***ing crazy. Get outta here. What a nutjob.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45558

Okay, it's fun to talk about the rejects, but uh, who's got ya excited?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45560

Who's this fella? Went to Cornell. What's wrong with him?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45562

And that's your unbiased opinion.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45564

So it's not relevant that he took the receptionist away from you?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45566

Gabe...ugh... you got all close to these people. Got involved in their lives. Let's get you back to Florida. We'll figure out something for you.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45568

It's not. Let's get Kelly in here to take his place.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45570

Cause Gabe's tall and weak. She's short and strong. I'm doing an opposites thing.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45572

How'd my girl Nellie do?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45574

She didn't mention it?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45576

Integrity move. I like it.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45578

Well, I'm not saying you must hire her. If you find someone who's clearly a fit, then fine. Just make sure they fit real good. No more manager turnover. Don't mess this up, Jim. And give Dwight an interview. I like a little bit of crazy.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45580

Jo Bennett Quotes from The Office (page 2)