Every line from The Office season 4, episode 4, in script order. First aired October 18, 2007.
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Kevin
The mob.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19044
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Michael
Do you know anybody in the mob?
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19045
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Kevin
[shakes head no]
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19046
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Michael
Okay, um, Oscar, I'm going to need to take another advance on my salary.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19047
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Kelly
What do you mean you have plans tonight?
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19048
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Darryl
I have my daughter tonight; we're renting Charlotte's Web.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19049
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Kelly
Well, you have to make a choice, it's either your daughter, or me.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19050
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Darryl
My daughter.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19051
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Kelly
Okay, I see how it is. Oops.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19052
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Darryl
That was cold.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19053
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Kelly
[makes a W then an L with her fingers, and then runs a finger across her throat]
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19054
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Phyllis
He's always been terrible with money.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19055
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Stanley
I bet it's Jan spending him straight to the poor house.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19056
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Kevin
Yeah, women be shoppin'.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19057
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Meredith
I can't believe he has a second job.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19058
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Oscar
He's not even good at his first one.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19059
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Michael
Hey guys.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19060
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Kevin
Shh.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19061
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Michael
What'cha talking about? Okay, I know what's going on. You're talking about Jim and Pam, if they're having sex, what it looks like, I know, I think---
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19062
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Pam
Michael.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19063
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Michael
Hey, hey, hey.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19064
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Oscar
Michael, are you having money problems?
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19065
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Michael
Monkey problem? No, I'm not having monkey problems. Why would I have monkey problems?
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19066
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Oscar
You heard me correctly.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19067
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Michael
Oh, I hate monkeys.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19068
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Pam
What's going on, why do you have a second job?
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19069
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Michael
I don't have a second job. Maybe I'm having an affair with Suzanne Summers.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19070
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Pam
Doesn't Jan have money?
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19071
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Michael
I don't talk to my girlfriend about money. It is rude, and unsexual.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19072
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Kevin
True, it's best to hide our money problems from women.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19073
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Michael
I totally agree with you. But I don't have money problems, I don't. Alright, you know what? Watch this, if I had money problems, would I do this?
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19074
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Oscar and Stanley
You just put it back in your pocket.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19075
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Michael
Yeah, but I destroyed it, it's not even useable anymore.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19076
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Darryl
Hey, let's call this what it is.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19077
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Darryl
It's like she only wants to hook up when Ryan comes around. It's gotten to the point where I get excited every time I see that little dude walk through the door.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19078
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Kelly
Well, I just need to know where this is going.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19079
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Darryl
Hey, I like you. Oh yeah, what's not to like? But you need to access your uncrazy side, otherwise maybe this thing's run its course.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19080
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Kelly
Don't you dare walk away from me Darryl Philben, you are the most selfish person I've ever met in my entire---
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19081
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Darryl
Slow down, think it over.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19082
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Kelly
Darryl Philben is the most complicated man that I've ever met. I mean, who says exactly what they're thinking? What kind of game is that?
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19083
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Creed
Hey cuz, heard you're having money problems.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19084
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Michael
No you didn't.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19085
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Creed
Listen, I've got the answer. You declare bankruptcy, all your problems go away.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19086
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Creed
Creed Bratton has never declared bankruptcy. When Creed Bratton gets in trouble, he transfers his debt to William Charles Schneider.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19087
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Michael
How would that help Creed? In Monopoly when you go bankrupt, you lose.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19088
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Creed
You don't go by Monopoly man, that game is nuts. Nobody just picks up 'get out of jail free' cards, those things cost thousands.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19089
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Michael
That is a good point.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19090
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Creed
Bankruptcy, Michael, is nature's do-over. It's a fresh start, it's a clean slate.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19091
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Michael
Like the witness protection program.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19092
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Creed
Exactly.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19093
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Oscar
Not at all.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19094
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Michael
I've always wanted to be in the witness protection program. Fresh start, no debts, no baggage. I've already got my name picked out, Lord Rupert Everton. I'm a shipping merchant who raises fancy dogs. That's the life.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19095
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Michael
I... DECLARE... BANKRUPTCY!
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19096
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Oscar
Hey, I just wanted you to know that you can't just say the word bankruptcy and expect anything to happen.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19097
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Michael
I didn't say it, I declared it.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19098
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Oscar
Still, that's not anything.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19099
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Oscar
This is a lot of credit card debt.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19100
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Michael
Yeah, tell me about it.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19101
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Oscar
Mmm.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19102
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Michael
You know, Jan has my credit cards, and she's using them as if I'm made of money, she thinks I'm a human ATM machine.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19103
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Oscar
Okay, a hundred and twenty-five dollars, Amazon.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19104
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Michael
Oh, that's the Muppet Show, on DVD, classic.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19105
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Oscar
Twelve hundred dollars. What's a Core Blaster Extreme?
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19106
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Michael
That is by far the best way to strengthen your core. This machine, you sit on a stabilizer ball, you put your feet into the power stir-ups, you reach up and you grab onto the super rod, and you twist, and you twist, and you twist. It strengthens your entire core. Your back core, your arm core, the Marine Core actually uses it. I think that's how they got a core.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19107
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Andy
I left a little present for Angela. I think she's going to like it, because I found it outside of Vance Refrigeration all alone, and I told her in the note that the cat came to find her, that they were destined to be together. I got game.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19108
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Oscar
Okay, the green bar is what you spend every month on stuff you need, like a car and a house.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19109
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Michael
Mm-hm. That is so cool how you have my name at the top.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19110
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Oscar
The red bar is what you spend on non-essentials, like magazines, entertainment, things like that.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19111
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Michael
Right.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19112
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Oscar
This scary black bar is what you spend on things that no one ever, ever needs, like multiple magic sets, professional bass fishing equipment.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19113
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Michael
How do they do this so fast? Is this power-point?
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19114
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Pam
Man, Angela really had a hold on him. Angela.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19115
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Oscar
Michael, I'm going to set you and Jan up with a debt consolidator, you meet with this guy.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19116
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Michael
No, no, we are going to leave Jan out of this.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19117
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Oscar
She has to know.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19118
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Michael
We will find another way, we'll ask power-point.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19119
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Oscar
Michael, this is a presentation tool.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19120
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Michael
You're a presentation tool if you think I'm gonna tell Jan about this.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19121
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Oscar
I'm done!
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19122
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Michael
No you're not! Ok, just... you're not a tool. Look, we'll tell her that it's bad, but it could've been a lot worse but due to some fancy financial foot work I was able to cut it in half.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19123
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Oscar
Jan is smart.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19124
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Michael
She poses.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19125
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Jim
Dwight, how's the hotel business?
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19126
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Dwight
Stupid.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19127
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Jim
Have you checked Trip Advisor recently?
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19128
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Dwight
No.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19129
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Jim
Maybe you should.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19130
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Dwight
Maybe you should. Whatever.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19131
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Pam
We wrote a good review. Under comments, we wrote, the natural aroma of the beets drifts into the bedroom and makes you dream of simpler times.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19132
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Jim
The dawn goose walk will tug at your heartstrings.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19133
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Pam
Table making never seemed so possible.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19134
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Jim
You will never want to leave your room.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19135
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Pam
The architecture reminds one of a quaint Tuscan beet farm.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19136
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Dwight
I'm glad you enjoyed your stay.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19137
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Pam
We really did. It was fun.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19138
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Oscar
So due to Michael's clever financial maneuvering, he finds himself tremendously in debt.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19139
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Jan
You're broke?
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19140
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Michael
Um, that's, how did you get that from what Oscar's saying?
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19141
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Jan
Michael, how did this happen? Where did all your money go? I don't, I don't get this. I really don't. I don't know how you could be so irresponsible. I mean, this is, it is astounding to me, really. I don't know what more to say.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19142
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Oscar
Jan.
Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19143