Every line from The Office season 2, episode 2, in script order. First aired September 27, 2005.
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Jan
Michael, please.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2597
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Todd Packer
There he is.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2598
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Michael
Mwah!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2599
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Todd Packer
There he is. Good one.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2600
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Michael
You would have done the same. You just didn't think of it first.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2601
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Jan
Mike... Michael. Please. I... I... really.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2602
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Michael
It's... That's...
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2603
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Jan
That's not my sense of humor.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2604
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Michael
Okay. Hello. Jan. Mr. O'Malley. This is my lawyer, James P. Albiny.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2605
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Jan
Wha...
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2606
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Michael
I believe you may recognize his face from the billboards. He specializes in Free Speech issues.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2607
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Albiny
And motorcycle head injuries, worker's comp, and diet pill lawsuits.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2608
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Michael
This guy does it all.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2609
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Jan
'Scuse me, I'm sorry. Michael. Mr. O'Malley is your lawyer.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2610
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Michael
What?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2611
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Jan
Mr. O'Malley is our Corporate lawyer. We have him on retainer. To protect the company as well as upper level management, such as yourself.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2612
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Michael
So I'm not in trouble?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2613
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Michael
I am so used to being the bad boy. I am so used to fighting Corporate that I forget that I am Corporate. Upper management. They hooked me up with an attorney. To protect me. You can't be too careful about what you say. Mo' money, mo' problems.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2614
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Michael
Okay. Well, let's get you out of here, James. Um... I think we're under an hour still, so...
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2615
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Albiny
Yeah, but I did a lot of paperwork at home before I got here.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2616
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Michael
I know. We'll talk about it later. Thanks for coming in.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2617
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Pam's Mom
Um... hello.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2618
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Pam
Oh my god!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2619
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Pam's Mom
Finally made it!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2620
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Pam
Hello!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2621
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Pam
I love my Mom. Okay. That's probably really the most obvious statement ever.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2622
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Pam's Mom
This is all yours?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2623
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Pam
Yeah. I'm in charge of this whole area.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2624
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Pam's Mom
Oh, my goodness. That's great.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2625
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Todd Packer
So a guy goes home, tells his wife, 'Honey. Pack your bags. I just won the lottery.' She goes, 'Oh my god! That's incredible! Where are we going?' He goes, 'I don't know where you're going, just be out of here by five!' Boom!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2626
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Pam
This is where I used to keep my computer.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2627
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Pam's Mom
Oh, right! I remember...
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2628
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Pam
But then I moved it.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2629
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Pam's Mom
with the picture.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2630
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Pam
Yeah, yeah, but I uh... I switched stuff around because I actually needed like more room for organization. So...
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2631
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Pam's Mom
Sure.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2632
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Pam
So this is like, um, an organization station...
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2633
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Pam's Mom
Oooooh!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2634
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Pam
Hey!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2635
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Pam's Mom
Well, there he is!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2636
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Roy
How are ya?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2637
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Pam's Mom
Hi, handsome!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2638
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Roy
You look great!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2639
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Pam's Mom
Oh, thank you! So! We ready for dinner?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2640
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Pam
Well, you know... actually, I kind of need to stall a bit. But, it's okay, because I am very used to killing time.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2641
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Pam's Mom
Oh, I don't believe that.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2642
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Roy
Okay, I'm going to go wait in the parking lot. And what kind of tunes you want for the ride? Little, uh, classical? Or oldies?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2643
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Pam's Mom
Oh, anything is fine.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2644
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Roy
All right, I'll see ya.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2645
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Pam's Mom
So which one is Jim?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2646
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Pam
Mom!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2647
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Pam's Mom
I just wanted to know.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2648
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Pam
No.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2649
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Pam's Mom
All right. Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2650
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Pam
Ten minutes.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2651
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Pam's Mom
Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2652
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Pam
Then we can go to dinner.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2653
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Pam's Mom
I'll make myself busy.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2654
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Todd Packer
There's this guy. He's at a Nymphomaniac Convention. And he is psyched 'cause all these women are smokin' hot perfect 10's, except for this one chick who looks a lot like, uh...
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2655
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Kevin
Phyllis?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2656
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Michael
No. No, no, no. That crosses the line.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2657
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Todd Packer
Ex-squeeze me?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2658
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Michael
Not you. Kevin. Just unwarranted. Hostile work environment, Kevin.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2659
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Kevin
Packer said it.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2660
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Michael
No. You said it. He pointed. A point is not a say. Look. Kevin, we are a family here and Phyllis is a valued member of that family. Like a grandmother.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2661
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Phyllis
I'm the same age as you, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2662
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Michael
I don't know about that.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2663
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Phyllis
We're in the same High School class.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2664
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Michael
Well, I have a late birthday and usually September's a cut-off point. You know what? You just crossed the line. Okay? There's a line and you went over it. And you must be punished. So go to your corner.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2665
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Kevin
You mean where my desk is?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2666
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Michael
Yes, your corner. Go.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2667
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Kevin
Okay. I have a lot of work to do anyway.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2668
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Michael
Mmmhmmm.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2669
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Todd Packer
Oh my. They really got to you, didn't they?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2670
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Michael
They didn't get to me. I got to them. I am still the same old Michael Scott. New and improved. You know what? I love Phyllis. You know what else? I think she is gorgeous. I think she is incredibly, incredibly attractive person. C'mere, c'mere, c'mon! Come on! Come on.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2671
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Phyllis
Michael! Come on!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2672
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Michael
Oooh!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2673
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Phyllis
You don't have to worry. I'm not going to...
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2674
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Michael
I'm not worried.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2675
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Phyllis
...report you to HR.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2676
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Michael
You know what? The only thing I'm worried about... is getting a boner. Good work today, everybody.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2677
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Michael
Times have changed a little. And even though we're still a family here at Dunder-Mifflin, families grow. And at some point, the daddy can't take a bath with the kids anymore. I am Upper Management. And it would be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam. As much as I might want to.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2678
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Pam
He said what?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2679
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Michael
Good morning, Pam.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2680
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Pam
Good morning, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2681
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Michael
What's going on?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2682
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Pam
Nothing. You look nice today.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2683
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Michael
What?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2684
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Pam
You look real thin.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2685
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Michael
I don't get what you mean.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2686
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Pam
You just... You look good. Your shirt looks... You look real good.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2687
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Michael
Well, you said I looked thin, so what does... Does that mean I'm like thin weird or thin handsome or...
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2688
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Pam
Thin handsome, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2689
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Michael
Yes, well, of course. Of course.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2690
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Dwight
Wait, Jim, no! Don't drink directly from the can. Okay, I'm serious. It's all over the Internet. They use the same shipping company as a rat poison, and it gets on the can. Well, you're an idiot.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2691
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Jim
What can I say, Dwight, I live a very dangerous life.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2692
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Kevin
Did you see that?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2693
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Oscar
I saw it.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2694
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Kevin
You can see her...
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2695
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Angela
It's fake.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2696