Every quote from The Office season 2, episode 2, in script order. First aired September 27, 2005.
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Warehouse Guy
Little package! Little package!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2497
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Michael
Thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2498
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Roy
You look good.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2499
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Darryl
Hiding from his momma.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2500
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Warehouse guys
[kissing noises, sheep baaing sounds]
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2501
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Toby
So remember, intent is irrelevant. And that's it. Pam?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2502
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Pam
Um... I just wanted to say that... Just, my Mom's coming in today.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2503
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Kevin
MILF!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2504
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Pam
Thanks, Kevin.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2505
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Pam
Usually the day we talk about sexual harassment is the day that everyone harasses me as a joke.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2506
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Pam
She's coming in today and maybe just don't joke around about that stuff in front of her.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2507
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Toby
Great point.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2508
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Pam
Thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2509
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Toby
Um... in fact, basic rule of thumb, let's just act everyday like Pam's Mom's coming in. All right. That's it. Um... if anybody has any questions about anything, you know where I sit in the back.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2510
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Michael
Hi, is it over?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2511
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Toby
Uh, yes!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2512
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Michael
No.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2513
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Toby
I can go over it with you.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2514
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Michael
I know, I know. It's good. It is not over. It is not over til it's over.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2515
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Toby
It's over.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2516
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Michael
Did he tell you everything? Obviously, he didn't because you all still look relatively happy. Albeit bored. Do you realize what we're losing? Seriously?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2517
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Angela
Email forwards.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2518
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Michael
Exactly! Mmwwah! Can we afford to lose email forwards? Do we want that?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2519
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Angela
I hate them. You send me these filthy emails and you say forward them to ten people or you'll have bad luck.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2520
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Michael
Give me a break. Umm... Stanley, how about that hot picture you have by your desk? Centerfold in the Catholic schoolgirl's outfit? I mean, it is hot, it is sexy, and it turns him on. And I will admit, best part of my morning is staring at it. But what? Are we just going to take it away?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2521
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Stanley
That is my daughter. She goes to Catholic girls' school. I am taking it down right now.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2522
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Meredith
Um... what about office romance?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2523
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Toby
Office relationships are never a good idea. Yeah. So let's just try to avoid them. But, um, if you already have one, you should disclose it to HR.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2524
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Phyllis
All relationships? Eh, even a one-night stand?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2525
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Michael
I think the old honor system was just fine. For example, I have never slept with an employee. And, believe me, I could have.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2526
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Dwight
Yeah, Meredith.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2527
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Michael
No! No! Catherine. Remember her? Remember how hot she was?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2528
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Dwight
Yes.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2529
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Michael
She would have definitely slept with me.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2530
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Kevin
She wasn't that hot.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2531
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Michael
Yes, she was. Dammit, Kevin!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2532
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Toby
Ok, you know, Michael...
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2533
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Jim
I'm in an office relationship. It's special. Um... she's nice. She's shy. She's actually here. You want to meet her? Hold on one second. Oh, my God! Put on a shirt! Put on a... . I told you that you'd be on camera. I'm sorry, she's European. No, I told you that you'd be on camera. Stop it.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2534
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Michael
What if Pam was a lesbian? What if she brought her 'partner' in to work? Would that be crossing the line?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2535
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Toby
No.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2536
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Michael
What if they made out? In front of everybody?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2537
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Toby
Well, that would be...
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2538
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Michael
At home? And I told everybody everything about it.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2539
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Toby
Okay, I'm lost.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2540
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Michael
Okay. Well, then let's act it out. Pam, you will be girl A and girl B will be... Okay! We'll use the doll. Pam. Pam?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2541
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Video
[Crossing the Line: Rules for the Modern Workplace]
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2542
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Michael
I wish Todd Packer was here because he would love this. I wonder if anybody else would like to do this. Hey! Um... we have to watch, uh, Toby's video that he's showing us in order to brainwash us and I was wondering if anybody would like to join in? Going to be fun. Got my great pizza. Whataya say? Jim?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2543
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Jim
No, thanks. I'm good.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2544
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Michael
That's what she said. Pam?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2545
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Pam
Uh... my mother's coming.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2546
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Michael
That's what she sai Nope, but... Okay. Well, suit yourself.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2547
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Dwight
Hey, Toby.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2548
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Toby
Hey Dwight.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2549
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Dwight
You said that we could come to you if we had any questions.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2550
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Toby
Sure.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2551
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Dwight
Where is the clitoris? On a website, it said at the crest of the labia. What does that mean? What does the female vagina look like?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2552
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Toby
Technically, I am in Human Resources. And Dwight was asking about human anatomy. Um... I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2553
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Toby
Yeah, maybe when you get really comfortable with each other, you can ask for that.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2554
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Dwight
Good. Good. And...
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2555
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Toby
I should get back to work.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2556
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Dwight
Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2557
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Man in Video
In today's fast-paced business climate, it can sometimes be hard to know when a comment or an action crosses the line. Let's take a look at a couple of scenarios and ask ourselves 'where is the line?'
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2558
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Video
[Scenario 1: The Natural Redhead]
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2559
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Roy
Natural redhead.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2560
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Actor
Hey, Rach.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2561
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Redheaded Actress
Hey, Joe. Mike.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2562
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Actor
Hey, settle a bet. Are you a natural redhead?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2563
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Darryl
Oh, Mi... ! Hey, stop the video! Michael, stop it right there! Stop it right there! That's that girl from that thing. I banged this girl right here. This is...
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2564
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Roy
That's her?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2565
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Darryl
Yes, this is the one.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2566
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Roy
No!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2567
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Darryl
You remember? Yes!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2568
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Roy
At the party?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2569
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Warehouse Guy
You banged her?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2570
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Darryl
Yes! Right here. You are a naughty girl!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2571
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Michael
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... Okay! Hypocrite! She is a hypocrite. That is such a scam! Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2572
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Jan
Yes. Yes, I did. Okay. Well, we can talk about that later then. Hi.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2573
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Michael
Okay, you are never going to believe this. The girl in the video we're watching that Corporate gave us... Darryl banged her! Aaand is about 90% sure.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2574
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Todd Packer
Don't ever let this little bitch drive you around town. We got, uh, lost for half an hour.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2575
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Pam
I don't have any DUI's so I can drive myself, but thanks.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2576
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Todd Packer
Where is Michael Snot? Sniffing some dude's thong? Probably.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2577
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Michael
So you are the lawyer, Mr. O'Malley? I know a lot of lawyer jokes.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2578
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Mr. O'Malley
I love lawyer jokes.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2579
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Michael
Well, it's probably because you don't get 'em.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2580
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Michael
When I said before that I was king of forwards, you got to understand that I don't come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest a guy who's just delivering drugs from one guy to another.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2581
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Jan
You seem a little bit agitated, Michael. What's the problem?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2582
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Michael
The problem is that I am the boss and apparently I can't say anything.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2583
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Jan
Well, that... that's true in a way. You can't say anything.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2584
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Michael
Where's the line? Where's the line, Jan.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2585
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Jan
Do you need to see the video again, Michael?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2586
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Michael
No, I've seen the video.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2587
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Toby
He talked the whole time.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2588
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Michael
No, I didn't. Huh, what?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2589
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Michael
Attention, everyone! Hello! Ah, yes! I just want you to know that, uh, this is not my decision, but from here on out... we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here we must only discuss work-associated things. And, uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future, if I want to say something funny or witty or do an impression, I will no longer, ever, do any of those things.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2590
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Jim
Does that include 'That's What She Said'?
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2591
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Michael
Mmmhmm. Yes.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2592
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Jim
Wow! That is really hard. You really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling, so...
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2593
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Michael
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2594
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Jan
Michael. MICHAEL!
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2595
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Michael
Come on.
Season 2 · Episode 2 · Quote 2596